(Closed) NOT engaged but…HE wants to marry in December 2011.. WTF?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Technically you are already engaged. The ring is just a pretty bonus. If you both agree to marry and you start planning, then you are engaged. If you want the ring, tell him that Dec 11 isn’t going to happen until he proposes and until that happens, you aren’t planning a single thing.

Post # 4
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Wow gurlie!!!! That sucks! My advice would to be honest with him……tell him your not trying to pressure him into proposing but how the heck do you plan a wedding without being engaged???? Thats kinda odd??? I would let him know its already super close to the wedding time anyways and you going to be even more stressed out the less time you have to plan……geez thats a hard one! Good luck!!!!

Post # 5
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Uh…yeah, ask him to propose if you really want something formal. I agree with @Miss Tattoo:. You’re basically engaged right now.

I really feel the need to tack on here too that if you don’t communicate your expectations to him, it’s pretty unfair. You’ve been together for 7 years; at this point he might not realize you are expecting the traditional man proposes with a diamond ring. So if he thinks you’re engaged because you’ve been talking about it for a year and have a date set, and you don’t say anything to him but hold on planning…I think he’d be pretty confused.

Post # 6
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

i’m of the camp where i wouldn’t plan a thing until he asks the stinkin question. 

Post # 7
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think he needs to formally ask. I have been with my Fiance for 7 years (Congrats to you and your Med School!!) going on 8 years; but we only were recently engaged last July. We talked about getting married and what we would want, but it was just that talk. That is until he asked for my parents permission and popped the question. I never considered myself Engaged, even while we had lived together but still only considered ourselves a couple that was dating.

Vocalize your needs and go from there. Even with your concerns/worries about the 1 year of needed social services. Tell him how hard its going to be doing this from afar and juggling your duties to finsih school. Tell him what you need/want out of this.

Congrats and Best of Luck. =)

Post # 10
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I think he needs to formally ask. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years and we talked about marriage and a house etc. We discuss everything openly. And we nor I started doing research or planning a wedding until he formally proposed in January. He formally asked my mother and proposed. I wouldn’t hace considered us as engaged.

Usually people ask how he proposed? Or what the story is if its a cuple that mutually agreed it was the right time etc.  PLUS I’m old fashioned lol.

Best of luck with everything and congrats on med school and becoming a doctor. =)

Post # 11
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I certainly think you need to clarify with him what his intentions are. I am plannign my wedding and I have not been asked formally and even teased him about it last night. But I wuldn’t let him as kme until a specific event had passed. So are we engaged, yes, are we getting married, yes. It is up to you to decide what your engagement is. IF you want the proposal and will settle for nothing else then in your mind you never will be engaged until it happens.

Post # 12
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think every relationship is different and you have to figure out what works best for you guys. 

I am/was in a similar situation as you.  My SO asked me to marry him, I laughed because it wasn’t the “on the knee gorgeous ring in hand” proposal, then we seriously started talking about rings.  (FYI, He is stationed 4000 miles away so its not like he can go to the jewelry store one day and give it to me the next).  Well, we knew the biggest thing to us was not to go into debt over a ring or wedding.  The next time I went and saw him, he still hadn’t saved up enough cash for the perfect ring.  We talked about dates and picked one. I came home and was confused about whether I should plan.  I knew the date we were getting married, but didn’t feel like I had the “real” proposal.  He has asked my dad and everything.  One day I’d plan, the next day I would refuse.  Then I realize engagement and marriage isn’t about the on the knee proposal and gorgeous ring.  It is about the dedication to spending the rest of your life with the one you love. 

My wedding is planned.  It’s a done deal without the ring.  I’ll know I’ll get the ring and “right” proposal because my SO knows how much it means to me. Who cares in which order it came?  Either way we’re getting married the same day and still spending the rest of our lives together.  The way we did/are doing things works best for us.

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