Post # 1
I feel awful about this but I’m not enjoying taking care of a baby 24/7. I love my baby so much but I’m just not a baby person I guess. He’s almost 11 weeks old. I’m sure my breastfeeding challenges have something to do with it (low supply, mix feed). But I just feel depressed and inadequate. I thought my depression had to do with sleep deprivation but these past several nights he has slept in 3-4 hour chunks that allow me to get 8 hours of broken up sleep and I feel no better, emotionally.
I feel like a fraud compared to my two best friends who are moms. For them it seems to come naturally. They have their struggles and maybe they’ve just had more time to adjust (their kids are 2), but I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing and my baby can tell!
Mornings are the worst bc i know I have a full day ahead of me. I hate feeling like I’m counting down the hours until my DH comes home and I can feel less alone. I get out of the house every day and have signed up for a new mom group, but I’m close to feeling like I need medication.
Does anyone relate?!
Post # 3
@sept22insf: Nearly everyone can relate. Also, I wouldn’t be so sure your friends are dealing quite as well as you think. My very best friend seems to have it all together. I’m the only one she is truly honest with. She despises being home with her 4 year old, who is an absolute peach btw. Children are just so demanding and they’re not as enjoyable to be around as a fellow adult.
Don’t put so much pressure and expectation on yourself. Of course you’re antsy for DH to get home. Most adults crave adult interaction, especially when you are doing the same thing day after day, all by yourself.
This is normal.
Post # 4
@sept22insf: I can’t relate (yet) since baby is still cooking but just wanted to send support your way. Try not to compare yourself to your friends – you never know what’s really happening behind closed doors!!! Being a mom is HARD work and you are doing a great job because you’re doing the very best you can! Try to focus on the things you enjoy and are doing well with instead of what you feel you aren’t doing well with. No one is perfect!
Lastly, there is no shame asking for help. Whether that’s from a friend, family member or a medical professional. I’d strongly urge you to discuss your feelings with your doctor if you are feeling depressed. PPD is common, normal and not something to delay treatment for.
I hope you start feeling better soon. You have lots of support here, don’t forget that!
Post # 5
Yup, normal. It is not that you don’t love your kid or you are not a good mom. It is just that kids require so much atttention. like seriously gong to the bathroom without interruption seems like a big deal. You just have to become as selfish with the small amount of time you do have and take care of yourself. When the baby takes its nap (even if 15 minutes like my kid did) do something like do your nails, take a shower with nice bath and body works shower gel, or pick a good show to watch. Mothering is relentless work so don’t feel bad about not enjoying every aspect of it. Just try to make the most of it and try to take care of yourself as much as possible. This too shall pass.
And as for the other mothers, it is unpopular to say how hard being a mother is and how much work it is or how unenjoyable it can be, so people avoid saying it. Plus no one wants to be a Debbie Downer. So when asked how being a mother is going, most people will only talk about the positive (even me) and say oh she is sleeping more, and she did x cute thing etc instead of it took us 2 hours to get out the door to go to the damn store because I kept having to change diapers and change poopy clothes before we could get out the door AND the baby has been crying all day for no reason.
Take what those mothers are saying with a grain of salt. They are not lying per se but doing the socially acceptable thing of speak positively about the experience.
Post # 6
@sept22insf: Also, have you tried working out? The Tracey (spelling?!?!?) Anderson Post Pregnancy video (on Amazon.com) is 45 minutes long and it really helps tone etc. It is super hard at first but working out really does help. PM if you ever need to talk!
Post # 7
It’s so, so hard. What you are feeling is totally normal. This article is a good read. http://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/before-i-forget-what-nobody-remembers-about-new-motherhood/274981/
My daughter is 16 weeks old, I’m back to work, and I’m already having newborn amnesia. It will get better!
Post # 8
Also, I was diagnosed with PPD/PPA, so if you think that may be something you are experiencing feel free to PM me. I’d be happy to talk more in-depth!
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Some of us are made to do the SAHM thing, and some of us are not. I was definitely not one to love being home all day long. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. To each her own. That said, if you feel like your negative feelings are keeping you from bonding or interfering with your life, then it doesn’t hurt to talk to your doctor. The baby blues are very real, and having them doesn’t make you a bad person or a failure as a Mom. It’s okay to admit when you are feeling a bit off and ask for help. If it gets you feeling better, that’s a good thing for everyone involved, particularly your LO.
Post # 10
@sept22insf: I’m a SAHM- it’s hard! The first couple months with baby are so hard- pain after delivery, the spit ups, blow outs, lack of sleep etc etc. DH works from home, so I always have some adult interaction which is great! It definitely gets easier- DS is 2 and there are still tricky times, but I enjoy our days together (and have a girl due in April!). I look at other moms and feel like everyone else is more natural/a pro as well- it’s human nature to compare yourself and your baby to others- try not to! Agreed with pps- most moms make everything sound so peachy keen 24/7- maybe it’s a competitive thing, or maybe they are just in denial?! It’s a f/t job and not easy. Once your LO is a bit older, or even now, sign up for classes at local community centres- I enjoy getting out and about and it creaters a bit of a schedule which I miss from having an office job. It really does get easier:)
Post # 11
I agree that this can be normal BUT if you truly are feeling depressed, please speak to your doctor or community health nurse. I didn’t enjoy being at home with my daughter until she was about 5 months old. To be honest, I’m not cut out to be a SAHM. I’m going back to work in 4 months so am trying to enjoy our remaining time together as best I can.
Are you going back to work out of the home, or are you planning on SAH?
Post # 12
Awwww, hugs first and kudos for your honesty. Your whole life changes once you have children. It’s quite an adjustment and takes some time to get used to. It does get easier and your baby will become more interactive and as you get used to the routine and become more confident in your ability to care for your child you will get a better balance between your baby’s needs and your needs. I think that it’s great that your getting out of the house and reaching out to other new mom’s. Try not to compare yourself just enjoy their company and realize that we all have different strengths, rates at which we adapt to change and do things differently. Try to enjoy the positive moments and have faith that the challenging moments will pass. Please do something for yourself to remind yourself that yes, you are a mom but it is not your only role and that you need to continue to develop the beautiful, interesting person, wife, daughter, etc that you also also are. Best wishes!
Post # 13
@sept22insf: I’m not scheduled to go back to work until Feb 3 when my son is 17 weeks. When I was pregnant, this seemed like a great amount of time off. However, turns out I was ready to go back to work pretty much the day we brought DS home from the hospital. I missed the office culture, having a more productive day than going to Target, having something to talk to my DH about other than baby stuff…etc.
However, this didn’t make me feel like a bad mother. I realize that everyone has stregnths and weaknesses, and I am not strong at being a full-time caregiver. I love my son, and love spending time with him, just not ALL the time with him. I also don’t see it getting easier as he gets more interactive. I just don’t want to spend all day singing, playing, and reading to a little one. I hate every minute of it. There are people in this world that love doing that, hopefully some of them work at the daycare we’re sending him to! I just don’t enjoy it, and I don’t feel bad about that.
I ended up meeting with my boss when DS was 8 weeks and told him to keep me in mind if a project came up earlier than February that I was a good fit for. He called and asked me if I could work a few part time days in January helping with an opportunity, and I jumped on it. I’m currently at my office for a 1/2 day meeting while my ILs watch DS. It’s been great so far, and it’s really helping ease me into leaving him in Daycare full time in a few weeks.
Is this an option for you?
Post # 14
JOIN A MOMS CLUB!!! I felt exactly the same way you did after DD was born, so I got on Meetup and joined a local moms club. Oh my god what a difference it made. Even though my daughter was way too young to actually enjoy any of the activities, it was still fantastic to get out of the house and just go hang out with other moms. There would be all kinds of meetups at the local libraries or at one of the moms’ homes, and they would just set their kids loose to play while they all chatted together. I started going to moms club events 2-3 times per week! It became the highlight of my day whenever I got to go to one.
Seriously, look into this. It was my saving grace during my 11 week maternity leave!
Post # 15
I hated maternity leave. I had 12 weeks with each if my girls- but ended up going back early (at 9 and 10weeks) both times.
Post # 16
Definately had those feelings when my little guy was little. We had a 1 month stay in the NICU and once got home while nice, yeah I am not made to be a SAHM. In fact he is now 2 and I am so glad can take him to daycare. Don’t get me wrong love him to pieces but he is in the terrible 2’s and oh boy does it take a toll on me