Post # 1
Warning you right up front, this is going to be my pity party. I promise I’ll get over it. 🙂
My fiance grew up in a small town, went to college in that same small town, and has had the same group of 16 friends since he was 5 years old (they are now 31).
I am very different. I left my hometown at 18 and went to college five states away. I worked 40 hours a week while being a full time student (Rock Chalk Jayhawk, go KU!), and didn’t exactly have a lot of free time to cultivate my friendships. I have a few friends from college that I talk to or see occasionally, and one that I consider a close friend.
My fiance wanted to have 8 groomsmen. I literally cannot think of 8 women in my life that I want to be bridesmaids (and I am not willing to compromise and have “fillers” up there!). I talked him down to 5, but I am still struggling to find that many. Honestly, more than the “number” issue, it’s really just embarassing to me. I’ve always been one to have a small circle of friends, but now it’s making me incredibly self-conscious and wondering what’s wrong with me. Who in the world can’t find 5 friends???? It’s never bothered me before, but now that I’m trying to construct a wedding party, I’m feeling horrible that I don’t have this huge bank of friends to pick from.
Okay, venting is complete. Sorry…that was completely despressing!!!
Post # 3
Omg, did I write this post and don’t remember? Lol, this is seriously wierd.
Everything you just said is my situation exactly. He has 8 groomsmen, too, I’m only having 5 bridesmaids. All the girls except two are going to walk with two guys. You don’t have to have even numbers.
Post # 4
@ASDF: i know exactly what you mean. do you have any family that you would like to stand up with you? sisters, cousins, brothers, close aunt? it doesn’t have to be a female does it? do you need both sides to be even numbers? we are having a small wedding and i am having my son stand up with me and my Fiance is having his sister.
Post # 5
You could include your FI’s friends in a different role. Instead of being groomsmen they could be ushers, or perhaps there could be a part of the ceremony where they all take turns doing part of a reading. That way all his friends will be included and you won’t have to worry about finding a bridal party.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2011 - Greenville Country Club
Just wanted to pop in and say I know where you’re coming from and feel your pain! I had an I Love You, Man moment early in our planning when I realized, “crap, where is my posse?” The close friends I do have were his to start with.
We kept the wedding party small – as in one sibling (that’s all we have apiece) and close friend. If we opened it up to one more, it would have meant including a lot more than just that one. Finding where to draw the line helps keep the numbers low.
Post # 8
Would Fiance be open to changing up the wedding party?
I had 3 core friends that were my posse. DH’s friends had morphed and shifted and a family member that he would have wanted to stand with him couldn’t attend the wedding. I knew he wasn’t completely comfortable with selecting a wedding party.
We ended up compromising and the people we wanted to honor ended up being in a processional, but were not standing up with us. It ended up being a wonderful thing (no stress with dresses or expense of flowers) yet I still got those special moments with my friends and DH got to honor a long time friend and cousin he cherished.
I highly suggest not having a formal wedding party…. it took me awhile to get used to the idea, but in the end, I would do it like that in a heartbeat.
Post # 9
First off- I totally know how you are feeling. For this reason we are only having a Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man. You should talk to your Fiance and tell him exactly what you are feeling, That by him having 5 Groomsmen it forces you to have “fillers”- which you already said you didn’t like. My sister was actually relieved she wasn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man because she didn’t have to spend as much money and would be able to just relax and enjoy my wedding. There are def. other things his friends could do, like the other bees said. Just because they aren’t in the wedding doesn’t mean they aren’t included in all the festivities.
Post # 10
I am in a very similiar position. The only difference is that we both dont have friends!! haha .. I have ONE best friend, and I didnt have to think twice about being in our wedding.. other then that I have girls that ill talk to at school, but no one that I think ill know in 10-20 years.. And when it comes to Fiance, hes trying to pay off his school debt so all he does is work, he barley has enough time for me! lol .. so dont feel bad for not having a lot of friends, because a lot of us feel the same way!
Post # 11
Does he have any women that are important to him that could stand on your side?
Post # 12
Thank you so much, everyone! This is very therapeutic! I had a good cry tonight and my fiance was incredibly supportive and said we could reduce the size of the wedding party. He had no idea how much it was wearing on me. I guess all you have to do is ask! 🙂
Thank you so much for all the great ideas! I love the idea of not having the standard “equal” wedding party. Who said that the numbers of bridesmaids and groomsmen had to be equal, anyway?
Also, love the idea of the processional, without all of them being members of the bridal party.
Seriously, thank you so much. I’m pretty new to this site, and it’s so nice to receive such great support.
Post # 13
I don’t have 5 friends I would want to be in my wedding, either. I actually only have 1 friend who is going to be a bridesmaid. The other 3 are my 2 sisters and my FI’s sister. I felt kind of bad at first that I don’t have that many close friends when I was first thinking about it, but now i don’t really care anymore.
Have you explained to him how you feel?
edited: read your update. glad it worked out 🙂
Post # 14
I think the first thing to remember is that you aren’t alone. I am in the exact same situation as you are. I moved out at 17 into an abusive boyfriends house, became engaged and needless to say was quickly isolated from my friends and family. Out of all the poeple I was friends with, I am one of three to go to college, one who has been working and doing well, and the others are all addicted to drugs and doing nothing with their lives. I came from a very wealthy town where drugs run rampant, Fiance comes from a little town where almost nothing like that occurs.
I made it to college, got out of my abusive relationship, met Fiance. He has a group of about 9 boys who he is extremely close with, friends since they were born (parents close friends) or grade school. I LOVE this friends, they are now some of my closest friends, but it is really hard not having my “own” close friends who will be with me on my side. I have two sisters, a cousin, a really good friend, a roommate from college (Im really not that close with her) and my FI’s best man’s Fiance (we aren’t that close, but she is a great person and will be in our lives forever).Do you have any family that could be there for you and that you wouldn’t feel like compromising the meaning of the possition?
What I have to remember is that I wouldn’t be where I am today, including with my Fiance, if I didn’t have the experiences I did. For me, I couldn’t have gotten through college if I didn’t work full time and sacrafice my friendships. I am proud of where I am and who I am, and now am making more time to try to build friendships…. But it is really hard to look at the close friendships that Fiance has and not feel a little…lonely and regret..
PM me if you want someone to talk to. And keep your head up high girl!
Post # 15
@ASDF: same exact problem. I’m using my sisters and my FI’s sisters and I’m not close to any of the 4 girls at all.
Post # 16
I can totally relate! I had ‘so many friends” that I had one Bridesmaid or Best Man and one Maid/Matron of Honor, both where my sisters……
If I didnt have sisters I have no idea who would have been my Bridesmaid or Best Man.
You are so not alone. But, I am sorry that you feel this way. Do you want to meet new friends? I meet some friends through Meetup.com! It really is a great site! A bee on here suggested it to me and I met like 5 girls that I communicate with frequently! Its really nice!