Not enough mother of the bride pics

posted 8 years ago in Photos/Videos
Post # 3
Member
1514 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I felt this way about some of my pictures.  Certain people that were important, just didn’t get as much notice.  You can’t re-do, but you wish you could.  Hopefully others took pictures and they can share those with you and your mother.

Post # 4
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Funnily enough i’ve heard this a lot from friends of mine that got married. That either their mother or their Mother-In-Law think there wasn’t enough photos of them at the wedding – I think it’s kind of one of those things that just happen and in the madness of the day it’s easy to not take enough photos to please everyone.

Post # 5
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Maybe for mother’s day you could schedule a professional photo shoot of the two of you as a gift. If your grandmother is around maybe you could include her and do an inter-generational photo. Moms love that kind of stuff!

Post # 6
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

while your photg should be able to figure out the MOB and parents, we don’t know who there is VIP or NOT.  That’s why there’s always jokes about how the drunken ex winds up being all over your pics.  We don’t know she’s just a plus one 🙂

You can always make sure by pointing out the VIPs to your photographer.  Like, hey… “this is my best friend who came all the way from Australia” “this is my best roommate ever!” or even, “this person is sick, can you make sure you get a few pics of them tonight, it’s a big deal they came.”

Post # 7
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I feel the same way about my pics (not enough of my mom) but I haven’t mentioned it ’cause I don’t want to upset her! But I had a whole host of photographer issues and she doesn’t like pics of herself anyway, so I’m not sure she will notice.

Post # 9
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m sorry, that’s a really tough situation.  Maybe she just needs a little time.  I think you are doing the right thing by not letting it take away from your day.  After all, it’s not your fault and it wasn’t intentional and your Mom will probably realize this but for now she might just need to feel hurt and have some space.  I hope it gets better for you soon.

Post # 10
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just wondering, is there TRULY more images of your father than your mother?  Or is it actually fairly even…. like within 15-20…. It sounds like things are so bitter that ANY image of your father seems like 10 images… and that there’s an underlying issue.

Honestly, we DO get this a lot as photographers… Bride loves the photos, MOB doesn’t think there’s enough of her.  I’ve had some mothers try and have me follow THEM all night instead of the bride, who I’ve had to gently say, “Find me later and we’ll get this pic, but right now, I’m here for your daughter and need to get what’s going on right now captured.” Unless they are joined at the hip to you there’s not going to be an overwhelming amount.

I’m assuming you have hundreds of images… If you were to look in your moms wedding album (which she may have burned from the sound of this) She probably has maybe 3-6 pictures of her own mom in there… and only 60 images max prob.  The ratio’s may seem more skewed because there’s so many more images.  If it comes up again, perhaps a gentle reminder that “we got 50 photos of you… Here’s you zipping my dress, and here’s us laughing and carefree together on the dance floor…”

But, we all dread the email the day after the bride gushes to us from the MOB or Mother-In-Law, “theres not enough pictures of me.” 

On the bright side, there are images of your mom dancing… because she danced! Most of the time complaints come from the mother who sat all night with her sister at her table and refused to dance or do anything…. There’s only so many images you can get of her sitting 🙂

This is your day, you got great images of happy times with both your parents, you love them, and aren’t letting them ruin your day… and that;s the important thing. Keep the right attitude… cause you’re awesome for not letting this continue to fester… 

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow I’m sorry to hear that. I think there were….15 photos with my mom? There are TWO with just her and me.

It happens. Most of the pictures are of the bride and groom anyways.

But I think your mom is handling this very immaturely and I’m sad to hear she’s just stopped talkign to you over it! It’s not your fault by any means!!!

Post # 12
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

@KLP: Good point about the dancing! My Mother-In-Law is upset that there aren’t enough pictures of her, and she spent the whole night chatting with family!

Post # 13
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Just another thought…you may want to contact your photographer.  Normally there are a bunch of pictures that are taken, but that don’t “Make the cut”, and so your photographer doesn’t edit them, or doesn’t work on them as much…But if you contacted her/him, they may be able to pull some picture options that you didn’t even know were a posibility..

Sorry that things are sore for you and your mom right now, but I suggest contacting your photographer about looking for more pics of your mom anyway…This situation with you and her will pass, and your pictures are something you’ll cling to forever. 

Best of luck to you!

Post # 14
Member
7 posts
Newbee

@mollymcbutter:  

Well MollyMcbutter and other brides… evidently no one has spread the word — even 4 years later… and plus we live in a high-tech information age.

We had a divorce 15 years ago in our family. Each divorced parent retained a wonderful relationship with our lovely, talented, “only-daughter”…. although she has always had a special, loving tie with her father, that has seemed to “over-ride” her love for me.

I don’t know how it happens…. but, our wonderful “only-son” has had a stronger tie to me through the years, than to his father.

I just got my first look at the extensive electronic wedding photo collection from our daughter’s ceremony a few weeks ago.  It’s been 5 hours since I first viewed the slide show — and I can not stop crying.

Evidently, I’m good enough to ask for money for college, living expenses, clothing, airfares, and hair upkeep over many years,… I am good enough to ask for lavish trips, or significant down-payment funds for her first home…Good enough to sit as attentive audience for her numerous sporting events, school activities, music recitals, and dog-sitting…But, I am not good enough to be photographed in any reasonable proportion of the life-stories told in the wedding portraits. 

There are literally 1.5 photos of me with my daughter prior to the wedding ceremony.  There must be 20 of each of the other parents…. meaning at least 40 were taken and not used of the other parents of the bride or groom. 

I do think it is possible that my daughter asked the photographer to be sure to capture some good pics of her w/ her father — with the whole father giving the daughter away element.  Plus, she is very close to her dad.  However, today’s wedding photography is intended to Tell a Story.  While our photographer was exceptional… I do believe it was a horrific oversight that he, nor his assistant took any photos of me with the bride prior to or during the ceremony. 

I will not be able to bear looking at their slide show even one more time… while a loving story is told about the parents of the groom, and the father of the bride.  How could this excellent photographer let this happen…?  My daughter and I have a wonderful, ongoing, positive, and loving relationship.

Heart Broken and Now Frozen in Time This Way….Within Wedding Photos Sent All Over the United States….! 

Yes… we can take a separate round of photos at some other point in time… there were a couple of other key family members on “our side”… who were virtually shut out of the pictures too… BUT…nothing can make up for this.  I wish photographers would be particularly sensitive to issues like this, when there has been a divorce in the family.  BTW… his current wife is in some key photos with Mother-In-Law, and several others through out the album.  I wonder if anyone even told this photographer that there WAS a divorce in this family.  That’s how skewed our photo album is.  My parents comprise the bride’s only surviving grandparents — and they are in none of the wedding photos at all.  The bride’s only sibling, … her brother is represented in about 1.5 photos — He loves her dearly, and treats her very well — altho he does live several states way… which actually should have been a trigger for the photographer to remember to photograph him.

Heart Broken Mother of the Bride –   Western USA

 

*

 

 

Post # 15
Member
6538 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MOBwBrokenHeart:  Okay, I’m going to try and be gentle, but also blunt. The photographer goes by what the couple has told them. You made the statement, “How could an excellent photographer let this happen?”. As a photographer, I am not a mind reader. If my couples don’t clue me in on the dynamics of a family, it’s out of my control. I once photographed a wedding where no one told me the grooms parents were divorced. Not kidding. I had NO clue. During family formals I was making them stand next to each other and “get close”. At NO point did anyone speak up and mention they were NOT married, nor do they really even have a civil relationship. I didn’t find out until afterwards, and felt like a huge ass. 

 

Personally, I don’t have that close of a relationship with my mom. She doesn’t know I don’t think we’re that close, but to me, things in the past have left me with a very negative view. My stepmom and I are very close, and I made it a point to let my photographer know that my stepmom plays a very vital day-to-day role in my life and I did not want her to be excluded in any way because she wasn’t “the mother of the bride”.

 

My mom isn’t in that many of my wedding photos. She didn’t DO much. She is of course seen during the ceremony and family formals, and some dancing picture, but aside from that I don’t even remember seeing her. She danced a little, but other than that stood around and talked. As a photographer myself, you can only shoot the same people standing around doing nothing but so many times. My stepmom, on the other hand, was on the dance floor all night dancing with me, my bridesmaids, family, etc. Of course she was in more photos, she was in the center of the action. 

 

Same goes for my DH’s family. His mom was on the dance floor all night, and therefor, in a lot of photos. His dad is in some, but really only a few as we didn’t see much of him. 

 

If you are this upset about, perhaps you should contact the photographer and ask if there are any additional photos of you. Furthermore, I would take it up with your daughter before you unleash on the poor unsuspecting photographer. You have no clue what the two of them discussed about how she wanted her wedding covered. 

Post # 16
Member
7 posts
Newbee

@starfish0116:  What you call a gentle but blunt perspective… I will call a self-centered, mouthy… and a “you have no clue” perspective, Ms. Self-Centered, Mouthy, Photographer.

 

 

In my comments I gave honor to the fact that my daughter loves both of her parents.  She would NEVER in a million years have directed her wedding photographer + assistant to short-change her mother in the photo planning for her wedding..!

 

 

 

It is extremely arrogant of YOU to suggest that this was somehow what the bride wanted all along.

 

 

 

Only the photo team has any idea the percentages of photos they have taken of VIP family members.

 

 

 

Butt out of other people’s business if you only feel like entering what is a rather personal saddness… by throwing your own self-centered weight around.

 

 

 

I do not think it is asking too much of photographers to keep a general rule of thumb to keep photos of similar level loved ones in balance.  If THEY don’t do it… it is impossible for anyone else to cover for this egregious mistake.

 

 

 

I’m NOT looking for sassy, nasty photographer comments here…but am hoping that future brides and grooms will ask their photographers NOT to make this same hurtful mistake.  We as parents love, and nurture our wonderful children all through the years.  We only want to be honored respectfully as such, at events like our child’s marriage celebration.

 

 

 

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