- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
My SO and I got ourselves into a very unpleasant discussion last night that turned into an airing of all the things about each other we are dissatisfied with. It was awful and I am upset, especially since I thought we might be getting closer to being engaged, but now I am (probably wrongly) worried about what he really thinks of me.
Mine: He doesn’t share my love of hiking and biking; I sometimes feel slightly abandoned and jealous when he goes traveling to events all over the country for his sports hobby (target shooting); and I feel like he spends too much of the time when I’m around (I am in grad school, so some of the time we are long-distance) doing work things (he does a lot of freelance writing on top of working full-time as a carpenter, and I’ve discovered he is kind of a workaholic).
His: He sometimes feels like when I want to do things with him, it’s things I want to do, instead of things we both want to do; he wants me to spend more time doing stuff he likes (like occasionally playing fantasy games); he thinks I’m not really OK with his hobby (I don’t mind it, I just mind the time it takes from our relationship); and he sometimes feels like I should also be working in the evenings when he does his freelance stuff. For example, he sometimes thinks I could be doing part-time seamstressing (which I have sometimes done) in the evenings instead of other stuff (even though I am the main gardener and a lot of our food comes out of our garden).
Ugh. All this is really bugging me now, even though we told each other that it doesn’t change the fact that we want to be together and we are generally happy with each other. His comment about sometimes wishing I was working evenings when he is, especially bothers me. Evenings for me consist of cooking dinner (pretty much always, when I am home), doing as much gardening as I can, or studying, when school is in session. Our incomes are very unequal, as one would expect for one partner who’s a student and one who is not, and I wonder if he is tired of that and is starting to want to pressure me to contribute more, when before he has always been fine with how things are. Talk about stressing me out!!
I’m also realizing that he’s kind of a workaholic, and is constantly worried about money. He never feels secure. . . I guess because the carpentry, while usually full-time, is not completely reliable in this economy. He worries about not having enough work/money even when he is immensely overbooked, and, presently, has enough freelance writing for him to have decided to do that full-time for a while this summer and fall (the carpentry is a family business, and they don’t have much work after midsummer). It’s aggravating! He has a lot of savings, but he is always worrying about having work, so he overworks and then apparently feels that I don’t work enough. . . argh.
So, now I’m all worried. All this stuff is the kind of thing we only seldomly actually think about, and we both said it doesn’t affect wanting to be together, but I’m kind of concerned since we do have some major interests that we do not share and the work/money thing can certainly be a problem in relationships.
I guess the biggest question is, how big a deal is not sharing some, but not all, common interests?
Ugghhhhh. . . and just when I thought we were really happy with each other and hints had been made about getting engaged this year. . . this sucks.