Post # 1
In my mind, I wanted to find a pretty venue, wear a simple but gorgeous dress and marry my Fiance, just him and me, simple, romantic, done and dusted.
But now everyone automatically seems to think we must be having a big wedding. I know my aunt and sisters would be upset if they weren’t there. My sister’s already telling me she’s saving up for a dress and a wedding present. My friends were talking about being bridesmaids, then one of them said ‘Well only if you’re having bridesmaids… But I’ll be upset if you’re not’.
They’re asking me about dates, venues, dresses, everything! I knew it was going to happen from this site, but I didn’t expect to be so stressed about it!
My sister says ‘Do you know what I first thought when you said you were engaged? I felt sad there’s noone to walk you down the aisle.’ Who said there’s going to be an aisle!?
I’m feeling the stress to plan a big event and spend loads of money I don’t want to so that other people won’t be upset. If I invite my family, we’ll have to invite FI’s. If we invite my friends, they’ll be other friends who are insulted and want to come.
I was so sure I was going to elope, and now I’m getting stressed. Help!
Post # 3
It sounds to me like you still want to elope, so why not? It’s YOUR wedding, not theirs. Have an after-party if you want to celebrate with everyone without the added stress of the wedding details.
Post # 4
Congrats!! I am right there with you! i have been engaged for 2 weeks and got the same questions. People are just excited dont let them overwhelm you. You cannot let them stress you out because its just the beginning enjoy it. Have a glass of wine and enjoy looking at your ring.
Post # 5
@Mrs.SleepyKitty: I would start talking to your Fiance about what he wants. Find out if he wants to elope or if he wants the big wedding. If you both want to elope, then start thinking about when (next week in the courthouse or in a year at an exotic location ect.). If he wants the big wedding, then start figuring out what size you two can compromise on and again think about a date (I would start by picking a season and year, then later you can narrow it down to a month and eventually a date).
Either way, once you talk to your Fiance, you should be able to start telling people one of these things:
- “We would love to have you at the wedding, but we have decided to elope.”
- “We would love to have you at the wedding, but we want to have an intimate gathering in (March 2013 or next fall ect.)”
- “We are planning on getting married in (March 2013 or next fall ect.)”
In the mean time, you can say “We’ve only been engaged for a week, we want to enjoy the engagement for a little while before we settle on a date.” Or “we’re planning on looking at venues first and will pick the date based on whats available.”
Post # 6
It should let up. The first couple weeks after we got engaged, people asked a TON of questions and made assumptions about a lot of tings. Not so much anymore. Just try not to let it get to you, and plan your wedding how you want. By The Way, congratulations!
Post # 7
Seems to be the case for most of us in the beginning:) Take a deep breath… this, too, shall pass:) Congrats!
Post # 8
@asscherlover: Ditto this! Make these first few conversations between you and your fiance only! Even if he just repeats “yes, dear” over and over, it’s important for you to decide on the basics together – date, general style, budget.
Get used to saying “we’re still considering a few things” and “it’s in the works” and “I’ll let you know” a lot! Don’t let everyone else’s expectations and demands sway you from doing what feels right to you and your fiance. STAND. FIRM.
Some people will always be disappointed about one thing or another. Don’t let them get to you. Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 9
This is precisely why my Mr. & I eloped. I got tired of being bombarded for 7 years asking us when the wedding was, where it was, how big it was, what was the cake, the vendors, the guest list etc. NOPE. Not gonna happen. Did my wedding go as I planned, no not really because it was rushed on a very tight budget and I hated how I looked.
My Mr. said that on our anniversary we’ll renew our vows and do it the right way without the medical drama and hassles we had from our actual wedding.
It’s your wedding day. I agree with a PP- do what you want and your Fiance wants. Enjoy your day and just have fun! It’s all about the two of you!
Post # 10
Thanks ladies. I think I need to sleep. It’s been a loooong, busy week. Fiance says to stuff them too!
Post # 11
You don’t have to have any answers right now! I can’t believe how it is such a reactive question to ask “When’s the date?” but logistically speaking it’s so impossible to have a date so soon after the proposal!
So try to sit back and relax just a bit. The engagement period is a lovely period so relish in that for a little bit. Your ideas on what you want will vary/change, so just sit on a few ideas for a while and think about it.
I was REALLY bad about sharing little details about our plans only for the whole idea/location to change… ohhhhh, about FOUR times on us. I just try to keep quiet now.
Post # 12
my goodness! sounds like they are putting tons of stress on you already…geez. Just relax and keep everything to what you want not what everybody else wants. Start out simple by choosing basics like flowers for example, or colors and then everything else will fall into place. Just don’t stress! its suppose to be a fun time for you and your Fiance!
Post # 13
@Mrs.SleepyKitty: Eloping is where it’s at, cheaper and you can do it your way. i’ll video mine so i can show our friends/ family later though. lol
Post # 14
I know exactly how you feel. When I got engaged, my Fiance and I began talking about possibilities since I get nervous in front of a lot of people. I mean, so bad that I will probably run if there are tons of people watching us. I really wanted it to be small because I feel uncomfortable kissing in front of a lot of family and friends. lol I know, weird. Anyway, we planned for just his parents, my parents, the grandparents and our siblings. When his mother heard about it, she FREAKED. She began saying how rude it is to not include more family, how she had a list of people she thinks he should have there, etc. She completely ignored how we felt and what we wanted. It just made me so mad. It is your day. You need to make sure it is a day you can look back on and be happy with the way it went.
Post # 15
@Mrs.SleepyKitty: “Who said there’s going to be an aisle!?”
I think your idea of a simple ceremony with just the two of you sounds lovely. That’s how we started out, too, but it has ballooned into family (and it’s a big family) and just a very few close friends – 35 people tops.
I concur with those who said that people are just excited and asking you about your plans is the first way that comes to mind in showing you that they are excited for you! Try not to let it stress you out by focusing on being thankful that your dear ones are so interested and supportive.
And just resolve that their interest won’t force you into spending more money than you want! We’re still having the same low-key, brief beach wedding we had envisioned when it was just the two of us. The reception afterward will be equally low-key; just family spending some time together while celebrating our marriage. My daughter-in-law-to-be has been the most excited one, but she reacts just fine when I gently shoot down her statements like, “but you HAVE to have a first dance” . . . it’s your wedding and it’s important that you feel as comfortable as possible with the arrangements!