(Closed) Not even married…and already being asked about kids!

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I get why they would want to know but I still think it’s kind of rude for them to ask… just tell ’em to stay outta your sex life

Post # 3
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
snowflake8:  I think the nosiness comes from people curous about your next “big step”. Marriage is often associated with a child coming later on, so I think society has just taught us it’s normal.

Not that it’s not rude and totally annoying.

Post # 4
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

ehh, I’ve had it so much   ( questions about that), doesn’t get to me a bit.

Post # 5
1388 posts
Bumble bee

Our wedding is not until February and I get these questions ALL THE TIME!

Just this week I was at a family function talking with some cousins including one, whom I had never met (my family is complicated), who had a baby. I asked her how old her baby was and immediately my other cousins (who all have children of their own) started asking if I was getting ‘clucky’ and when I wanted kids… 

Post # 6
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
snowflake8:  Google “pregnancy discrimination canada”. From a quick look, yes it looks like they’re asking things they’re not allowed to ask.

Of course they could just be friendly and nosey, but I didn’t get a lot of baby questions until after I was married (and certainly not from work colleagues).

Post # 7
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
snowflake8:  Just be like “Oh, within 10 years for sure!”

Post # 8
2198 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I know certainly in an interview for a job they aren’t allowed to ask your plans for the future but I’m not sure about if you already work somewhere. I presume it’s the same.

Post # 9
1044 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
snowflake8:  I’ve been talking to employers and going to interviews recently (officially employed now so that’s a weight off my shoulders!) and I’ve noticed people definitely bringing it up, usually during natural conversation. You can tell they want to know. I’m 25, easily identified as young and recently married and they all want to know. I’m pretty sure I actually didn’t get a job because of it but oh well. Are they allowed to ask and discriminate based on your choices? Absolutely not. 

I kind of try to glaze over it and not give out any specifics but I am usually honest about the fact that we will some day want kids. It’s part of our future and I want an employer who is willing to be supportive of that, not make it as difficult as possible. For some businesses, women (or men) taking parental leave can be a huge cost and while  they’re not allowed to discriminate you based on it, it’s hard for small businesses not to consider the potential leave time. My family runs a very small family business and the strain of your employee leaving for a year can be huge. 

Just keep things vague for now and tell them when you’re actually pregnant. It’s none of their business until then really.  It sounds like you’ve been honest about your future intentions (in the next year is ethnically “in the next ten years”) and that’s really all you owe them in the mean time!

Post # 10
1281 posts
Bumble bee

Yeah I get it, i’m not bothered when people ask me normally but I dont think I would be happy with my boss asking! My response would just be that ‘we want children at some point in the future but there are no plans for them yet’. Its honest and to the point and it should stop them snooping at least until after the wedding. Even if you are planning on trying relatively soon, they dont need to know until it happens. 

Post # 11
1069 posts
Bumble bee

Owch. Keep a record of it. Friends making comments is one thing but in the workplace it’s unprofessional  

Here in the UK maternity is a protected characteristic under discrimination laws so work aren’t allowed to make so much of a joke about you going on maternity leave, becoming pregnant etc. It’s also illegal to push someone out of a job because of pregnancy. 

Just say something like ‘perhaps one day but I’m focusing on my career at the moment’. 

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