(Closed) Not even ready for kids and I’m already sensing “Grandma” drama…

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@tinylittlebird: Ugh We have had similar talks.

DH’s Mom had issues with his step mom though anyway. At one point she asked me if I liked DHSM more than her. When I mentioned his SM as Grandma at one point she actually cried. Really?

Post # 5
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

It sounds like she’s just feeling you out about your thoughts, but may be way too premature in doing so. My kids think I feel the same way, but it has nothing to do with me, tho we might joke around about it.

She’ll probably never get over the ‘other woman’ no matter how long its been. Would you?

Post # 6
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@tinylittlebird:

Hah, well, you’ve given her 2-4 years to adjust to the idea of “Nana” so she’ll probably get over it. If she won’t let go of it, tell her, “Look, you realize you’re fighting over a hypothetical future grandchild, right?”

Post # 7
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law has already said she ‘wouldn’t mind’ if we had a baby before the wedding. I’m only 22 and we are planning on TTC in 3 years, (although I currently have a massive case of baby rabies. ๐Ÿ™ )

We have also had name issues. Our children will have 2 grandfathers and FOUR grandmothers. (His parents, my dad and his partner Michelle, my mum and her partner Julia.) His parents are already Grandma and Pa, and will be to our children too. But my dad has always planned to be a Pa, so he and Michelle will be Pa and Grandma ‘Chelle. My mum wants to be Nan, and Julia wants to be Gran, so they will be Nan and Gran, which I think is so cute. Mr. Roux is kind of annoyed that our kids will have 2 Pa’s, but I don’t think its far for my dad to have to change when he has always wanted to be called Pa, and besides, kids are pretty switched on and will figure it out.

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@Roux: A lot of times too kids decide what to call them and it doesn’t matter what the Grandparents want to be called.

My bonus son has 4 grandma’s. 3 of them he calls Ama, because that’s all he could say when he was little and it stuck, and when he is telling you a story about them he always uses the same distinguishing facts “Ama with the kitties”, “Ama with the booboo’s” and “Ama who speaks Spanish”. The only one that is called something different is my Mom and that’s because he followed suit with his cousins and he calls her Meme. 

Post # 10
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@mwitter80:

“A lot of times too kids decide what to call them and it doesn’t matter what the Grandparents want to be called.”

So much word on that. My parents are called “Grandma,” “Grandpa,” “Pop Pop” by my nephews. Pop pop just kind of came about as they couldn’t say the “grand” part. It stuck. My nephews call my SIL’s parents Nana and Nono. It was decided by them. I sense some drama from my inlaws because my parents are already established as “grandma” and “grandpa.” So we’ll see what happens what that time rolls around.

Post # 11
Member
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My daughter has 3 grandmas, 3 grandpas, 2 great grandpas, and 4 great grandmas. It all works out.

My daughter calls all her grandmas, even my step mom, by her version of grandma. (She calls them all Hamma “incert their dogs name”… working on her calling them by their last names after, but she is stubborn. Weird for her to go around “hamma Zackie”) my mom had a problem with it for 30 seconds. Eventually I think they realize there is bigger things to put their energy into. Nanas are the great grandmas

Papa for Grandpas and great papas with their last name.

We stressed alot, and they made issues out of it, and it all ended up being for nothing.

My Son will probably follow suit like kids do, but he is too stubborn to talk

Post # 13
Member
43 posts
Newbee

My father’s parents divorced and remarried while my father was a child. I call my grandfather’s wife and my grandmother’s husband both by their first names, and I don’t have a grandparent-like relationship with either of them. I’m not sure how close you and your Darling Husband are with his SM, but I do think that it’s entirely possible for your children to grow up not calling her a grandmother. It’s all about what you and your husband are comfortable with and how you want her to be seen by your children, though. It’s not at all up to your Mother-In-Law, though! 

Post # 14
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@mwitter80: Haha, I know sometimes kids make up their own names, but we will do our best to steer them towards the names our parents prefer. I doubt any of them will care though if a cute little grandchild calls them by another name!

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