Post # 1
Hey Bees, been hovering for awhile now and thought its time to post. So, me (24) and my SO (29) have been together nearly 4 years (start of december) we will have been living together for a year around christmas time. I have tried on many occasions to have the future talk and i keep getting mixed messages. First he said we could get married and have kids as soon as he bought a house. Then it was he’s never having kids or getting married and if i wanted that then maybe i should leave and now its a maybe we will, maybe we wont. I would just like a straight answer sometime… would be nice lol. Any bees having the same trouble? Im just thinking is he ever going to marry me or is it just false hope. i feel like ive been waiting for something for so long that might not ever happen. Thoughts?
Post # 3
I think that you should sit down with him and have a serious conversation about it. If you really want to get married but he can’t ever see himself getting married would you stay with him? You guys both need to be on the same page for the future. Four years is a long time to be together without having some kind of idea about the future.
Post # 4
Four years is entirely too long to go without knowing definitively where it’s going. Sit down and have a good, long heart to heart with him and see if your visions for the future are the same. Good luck. 🙂
Post # 5
@SparklyBadger: At 29 and after 4 years of dating and 1 year of living together he should know if he wants to get married and have kids or not with you. If I were you I would really question your position. You don’t want to waist time. I know you have been with him for 4 years, but another minuet with someone that doesn’t want you want is preventing from you being with someone who does. I stayed with someone that was wrong for me for a long time and didn’t want to love because ‘I had invested so much time into the relationship’ well thank god I left bc now I am with an amazing man that does want to marry me and have kids with me. Good luck, my dear!
Post # 6
At 29, he should know by now whether he’s the marrying, family type. 4 years is a long time to be in a relationship and I feel like, at this point, he should at least mostly know if he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. I could understand if he’s not sure about getting married yet, but it’s strange that he doesn’t know if he wants to marry at all. It’s a big red flag if he can’t give you a straight answer.
I probably would have left when he told you to leave.
Post # 7
@SparklyBadger: 4 years is a loooong time but you are only 24 and have your life ahead of you. On the other hand, he shouldn’t be waffling!!!! That’d drive me nuts, either he wants to be married, or not. Just sit him down, get the cotton out of his ears & have him listen. lol
Post # 8
@SparklyBadger: He’s old enough and has been w. you long enough to know if he wants to marry you or not. I hate indecisive men… this is why I left my ex for good.
If he can’t give you a straight answer, you’re probably better off w. someone else. Yes you’re only 24, but why waste your 20s on a guy who can’t give you what you want?
Post # 9
@Alaric2012: lol it does seem that way sometimes.
thanks you guys for the advice, i think its time i tie him to a chair and force the “conversation” ha ha. i know im alittle young and maybe im thinking alittle soon for marriage but i only want the engagement for now. i wouldn’t want him to ask me then a couple of months down the line set a date. That would just be scary! its probably also the fact that nearly all his friends are either married or have sent out invitations to their weddings (one of which is in 2 weeks)
@liliwo2016: I was on the absolute edge of leaving when he said that but im so ridiculously and stupidly in love i couldnt even manage it!
I suppose if i love him that much i guess if he says no i may accept it. Ill have the talk and what ever he says ill have to make a decision. Thanks guys, all advice is very well received!!!! 😀
Post # 10
You sound like such a sweetheart. 🙂 I hope it works out for you!
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
My advice is to have this convo before these weddings. So if you break up you do not have to see each other or see other people get married.
I know what a lot of waiting bees get a lot of anxiety about is going to OTHER people’s weddings. It makes us all crazy. At 4 years, your crazy reserve is just about max right now.
Sit him down. talk it out. make a clean break if he is giving you wishy washy answers. you still have your whole life to find the man you were ment for, not waist your 20’s on a guy who isn’t going to commit to you
Post # 12
yeahhhh I’m going to agree with PP that at 29 he should know if he wnats to get married/have a family, and after 4 years with someone should know if he wants that with them. He needs to give you a straight answer, and you need to walk if it’s not what you want to hear,