Not excited about bachelorette party. Help

posted 9 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
330 posts
Helper bee

skibumlove8 :  Note my above comment when I say you should do what you want, it’s your party. However, if all you want to do is get drunk then why not just stay in your home town or drive to the city and get wasted every night? Theres so much more to Vegas than getting drunk. I could see getting plastered one night but then seeing shows, enjoying the casino, eat at fancy places, seeing the sights, and going to a spa the rest of the weekend. I definitely think your girls were wrong in hyping you up but really what’s the point in an expensive trip if getting drunk and eating appetizers is all you’re there for?

Post # 18
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

The fact that they all agreed to this initially is the point that makes me think that your friends are being a bit shit IMO. If they had said upfront hey just wanna do something chilled then fair enought but even then, its YOUR bachelorette party so it’s not really their place to dictate how you spend it, it is their right to decline invitiation if it is not their cup of tea but again didn’t happen that way!

I would sit them down and say hey look ya’ll keep going on about how you don’t want a wild one and I really don’t want to spend this cash taking you all somewhere that doesn’t fit what you all want, however, RESPECTFULLY and bearing in mind it is my bachelorette party and this is what I want to do we have to figure out a solution. Either you all come with me to vegas and we enjoy it to what we had initially decided or I’ll have to cancel the entire trip. I’ll give you all a couple of days to decide on how you want to approach this.

^might sound a little harsh but I am a straight to the point person and would be livid if I was in your place right now.

Post # 19
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

skibumlove8 :  “but she also doesn’t understand why it is mandatory to be a “drunken fool” everynight.” that’s her trying to justify why she was moaning, I hardly doubt that was a request of yours to be a drunken fool.

Post # 20
Member
5184 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

This seems so strange that it was booked as a party weekend and now they just want to shop and stay in. Have you asked them why they have flipped?

Post # 21
Member
859 posts
Busy bee

I personally feel like whoever pays has the main say with brides requests taken highly in consideration. At first readin I thought ehhh well don’t have the party until I got to the part YOU paid. Not that it matters, but how much have you paid for all of it? To me it sounds like you’re the giving friend and your shitty friends are stomping all over you. And she says she understands like its NO big deal you spent all this money, upset, and can just easily cancel? 

Post # 22
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Montego Bay, Jamaica

does going out and getting some drinks mean being a drunken fool? Not everyone even has to drink. But I guess I don’t know how much you plan on turning up haha. If you really want to party then I say cancel the trip and do Vegas again when you have some people who actually want to do what you want to do. I have been to Vegas a handful of times now and I will say it’s a LOT more fun when you’re with a good group. 

Post # 23
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee

I’m sorry this is super lame. I’d cancel the trip if I were you. Who wants to shell out big bucks for their friends vacation and then not enjoy it themselves? And it’s your bachelorette for goddssake! You should be getting what you want, especially as you are paying for it. IMO part of signing up to be a bridesmaid is being flexible and going with what the bride wants (within reason obviously). I was a bit disappointed at my bachelorette as well. We went to a major city for the weekend and found a way to do it super cheap. But none of my bridesmaids seemed interested in drinking! It was kind of lame to be honest. I’m not a huge drinker anymore, and I get that people have grown past that point of their lives, but I still turn up for special occasions. They were all just kind of meh about the drinking part. So I pretty much drank by myself and celebrated by myself. It wasn’t super fun haha 

Post # 24
Member
6746 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

skibumlove8 :  Maybe at first it sounded like a lot of fun to them, but then the reality of the cost set in? It sounds like you do fairly well for yourself, but what about your friends? Vegas can be expensive and even though you’re paying for the flights and hotel (very generous btw) maybe they’re realizing that they don’t have the money to go out club hopping every night? 

 

Post # 26
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Mount Princeton hot springs

Interesting. I myself used to party hard and now definitely prefer staying in, but that being said I wouldn’t have planned a trip to Vegas! If I were going with a group to a party destination I’d definitely be prepared to suck it up and have a good time! It’s not like you’re going to be vacationing in a cabin or bed and breakfast or the type of place you “stay in” to enjoy. I know everyone is different and I understand Sarah’s preferences,  if it’s your party, no matter who is paying for it! 

Maybe instead of cancelling make it a couples trip and let your future husband bring some friends too? And do something more low key with your bridal party closer to home.

good luck bee!

Post # 27
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

skibumlove8 :  I think it was really crappy of your friends to not be honest from the beginning. However, I can say a couple things. 1. I think people often feel pressured to do what a bride wants for a bachelorette party because that is what the bride wants! And while that intention is great, your friends still have to be comfortable with a weekend of partying. I personally would be absolutely torn between making my friend happy and not wanting to go to Vegas, because I have no interest. However, I would tell my friend this, and not play along. 2. Sometimes I get really excited for a night/weekend of partying, but then my enthusiasm fizzles, especially if there is a long stretch of time between the discussion and the event. I never thougth I would get that way. I used to always be up for a party if I felt safe with the people I was with, but adulthood hit me hard, and now… I’m patethic. I want my cats and my fiance and netflix after work. In theory I want to be the person who is up for a party, but I am just not anymore, even though there was a time in my life when I was all for it. I guess… there is just maybe an in between place here where your friends aren’t shitty, but had good intentions that fizzled? That comment about being drunken fools was totally unwarranted thought…

Post # 28
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Greenspot Farms

This is just my 2 cents but if I’m understanding correctly I think your biggest mistake was paying for your own bach party.. because now you feel entitled to dictate what everyone else does while in Vegas.

I’m still in my 20s but this Vegas trip you’re describing sounds like an absolute nightmare for me and I wouldn’t have any fun at all because I would be so exhausted. I don’t enjoy drinking to excess anymore, loud crowded clubs, trapsing up and down Las Vegas Blvd in skimpy clothing… just not my idea of fun….

It is annoying if they expressed they were on board and now they aren’t, but at the end of the day you can’t control other people and force them to do what you want.

I would cancel the trip and find other people who want to take a Vegas vacation with you who have the same idea of fun in mind and do something more low key with your bridesmaids. 

Post # 29
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

skibumlove8 :  That’s awesome you are paying for their flights and hotel! I’ve never heard of a bride doing that…every bachelorette party I’ve ever been to we paid for the bride. 

My first thought was that ‘Sarah’ talked to the girls on her own and convinced everyone to get on board with this low key Vegas idea. Has something major changed in her life recently? New boyfriend, husband, child? 

My advice would be to reach out to the biggest partier in the group directly and figure out what’s up. You might need to cut Sarah out of planning all together. I completely agree with other posters – Everyone knows what a bachelorette party in Vegas entails. You are not going there to relax. Pool parties, gambling and clubs are what Vegas is known for. 

Post # 30
Member
2139 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

skibumlove8 :  Given your other post about your bridal luncheon food menu I’m getting a sense that you like things a specific way (yours) especially since you are paying for the event (you are “hosting” both of these). I do think that your friends first agreeing but now not wanting to party in vegas is a bummer. That’s what vegas is for!

Hopefully you can find some things to do that everyone will enjoy and not just push party party party at all time b/c if they are already giving you the impression they aren’t going to be enjoying it, then they aren’t going to fake it for you.

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