Post # 1
I have been officially engaged for a little over a week, and honestly I’m not excited about the wedding planning. I was until my dream wedding was turned down and stomped on.
My FI (EE!) and I have been dreaming of a small wedding in the back yard of his parents Beach house for a long long time. Small low budget even though FIs parents will be picking up most of the bill (I’m talking in the ballpark of 5k budget small) My FBIL Derailed our engagement already in July and quickly starting planning their wedding. We wanted a July wedding but now that FBIL has booked august. we have been told we are not allowed to get married before them even though we have been planning w.o an “official engagement” for a year.
Now my FILs agreed to help with a few things for their wedding because her parents are footing most of that bill and today i find out my FILs spent our total budget plus some for our wedding on their FLOWERS JUST FLOWERS. I’m just over it all (this isn’t even half of it!) I get over one hurdle just to be thrown another. all while I have my FSIL telling me in front of the FILs my dream wedding is tacky and now my FILs want me to have the big 300+ person “dream wedding”
I don’t want to be a diva like FSIL is about wedding planning and I hope pretty much just kept my mouth shut. My FI doesn’t even know what to say to them any more we just want to make it through Christmas without a fight.
thanks for listening to me rant for a min and again trying not so be winey I’m just dumbfounded I never imagined this is how wedding planning would be.
Post # 3
@wanabeabee: How frustrating! You can DEFINITELY plan your wedding for July if your FSIL and FBIL’s is in August….it is a month apart and I don’t see how your wedding impacts theirs at all. Who told you you couldn’t do it in July? Unfortunately those who pay have a big say…so if it was FI’s parents you may be out of luck.
Have the wedding you want. If you get bullied into a 300+ person affair you’ll be miserable if your dream wedding is a small backyard thing.
Post # 4
Plan a wedding that you and your FI can afford, and do it pretty much whenever you want to (excluding the weekend they are planning theirs).
You can do something very small and simple- like a JOP followed by BBQ in a public park or dinner at a restaurant for family.
I have always loved the idea of a brunch wedding. You can rent a community center, check out a park, or book a small family owned restaurant and host immediate family and very close friends.
Don’t let this get you down! You’ll just have to reevaluate your budget and make it work!
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
Plan your same wedding WITHOUT their lame money. If even just using their backyard gets them too involved, find another cheap option and save up for it.
Post # 6
I can see how having two weddings in one year with a family that is financially contributing can be hard on the family. I can also understand why you don’t want to wait. I wouldn’t either.
Don’t let yourself get bullied into a bigger wedding than you want. Your FMIL is probably just enjoying the planning of the bigger wedding, and once she comes down from that high, maybe she will start seeing things clearly.
Post # 7
Plan a wedding you and your FI can afford. Ignore your rude ILs.
Post # 8
ditch em… well maybe not fully. Try and save your own money and enjoy planning what you want rather than other people pressuring you to do something you don’t want. Tell them that the month you chose is great for your half of the guest list. If they wanna contribute, they can but they must respect your wishes.
My fam is the same. My mom wanted to throw a party and when the guests arrive that’s when she would tell them that it is a wedding ( I love that idea!). Her mom flipped and pushed her into a big wedding.
My fam paid for my eldest sister’s wedding and as a result her opinions were useless… they kept telling her that it was their wedding and she was just the bride. A lot of fights were there.
Post # 9
Thanks everyone!!! I was starting to think that I was in the wrong somehow and just wasn’t seeing it. We are defiantly in talks about doing it ourselves and avoid the stress all together! were even tossing around going even smaller with just a JP on the beach with immediate family and a few virtually family friends.
And for all who mentioned his family being tight on cash it’s not an issue they are well off and live under there means. we didn’t ask them to pay they have known my mom a long time and know I do not come from any money and being with tradition my family cannot pay. I always assumed I would be paying. we have some savings but it’s mainly a safety net in case of emergency.
I think I’m going to ask my FI to invite then to dinner so we can talk this out. which will be equally interesting because they are a brush it under the rug kind of family.
Post # 10
@wanabeabee: I am in the exact…EXACT same situation as you or very similar!! My fiance couldn’t even propose to me when he wanted to bc his brother said he already bought a ring and wanted to propose to his g/f even though me and my fiance had been dating 4X as long as them and they barely dated. So my man had to wait 3 months until to propose to me to not steal his brothers thunder (annoying) then his bro got mad bc my ring was was nicer than what he got his fiance (sorry, thats your fault) and then when we picked a date we were told we had to push it backa c ouple months because that was the month his bro was going to get married (they didn’t set a date for a year) so we literally had to wait a year before we could even set the date. I WAS SO PISSED….I am like seriously?!? WTF… OH well…We even got our wedding info out to our guests way before they did…even though our wedding is like 3 months after there’s. So I am sure his bro’s bride to be is pissed about that but I am not basing everything about my wedding on what they do… Over it..
Post # 11
1) Take back control. People only hurt you if you allow them too. Next time FSIL says something do NOT be afriad to look her in the eye and say ‘that is something rude to say to a future family member of yours’ and then walk away. Or “I’m not entertaining this conversation” or “I’m sorry you think this is a competition” and walk away.
2) Plan your back yard wedding. If someoen complains tell them “it’s a dream of ours come true;I’m sorry you don’t share our happiness”
Learn the art of a tactful, one sentence reply LOL.
Post # 12
You said “we have been told we cannot get married before them.” Who has issued this edict? Is this coming from your FILs or your FBIL and FSIL? If it is the former, and they are paying for your wedding, then I can understand that. If it is the latter, and this is about thunder stealing, etc., then that should really not need to be a factor in the timing of your wedding.
Post # 13
@BrideToBe14: O…M…G… Literally some of what you said is my “that’s not even half of it”!! Only my FIs brother didn’t tell a soul just did it, and we have been dating 7.5 years then 1.5! Because of it my FI postponed our engagement returned the ring and custom built me one! (brownie points for FI! I love my ring!) and his brother got pissed even though my diamond is smaller the quality is a million times better like top of charts in all 4Cs (so sparkly!!!!!). THEN I find out his parents coughed up money to help with her ring because he broke the bank but told my FI hell no, no help. My brain hurts!!!
Post # 14
@LuvMySailor: Thank you Im working on it! and i have def used the one liners with her before she is a spoiler brat who has never been told no before in her life! I just dont want the holidays to be a fight so we are keeping hush until after and taking back contorl
@Brielle: the inlaws have said this. But FSIL is already having a temper tanturm saying we stole her thunder. again see above have never been told no in her life.