Post # 1
Up to this point I had been so excited for my big day.. doing research and making appointments, mainly doing most of the work with the help of my mom, since my Fiance is super busy with pharmacy school. and i didn’t mind that at all.. but yesterday was my breaking point.. my FI’s parents are paying for most of everything and I can just tell nothing is going to go the way I want even though I have been the one looking at venues, and djs, and photographers.. i just feel like they’re going to go with the same exact venue and people they did for my FI’s older sister’s wedding that happened 5 years ago..
I’m so upset and I’m not even excited for my big day anymore. the only things I feel i got to pick were my dress, the church, and my bm’s dresses…
Fiance and I had an arguement yesterday because he feels we should just be greatful for whatever we get.. i understand that but I also feel it’s the only day we get and the venues and things I was looking at were CHEAPER than the venue and photographer that his parents are probably going to end up getting..
just had to vent.. 🙁 lost all my excitement.. 🙁
Post # 3
Aww i’m sorry hun! It is still early in the schem of things, who knows how you will feel in the next few months.
This happens a lot- where the people who pay have the final say. I see where you Fiance is comming from, he knows how lucky you guys are to have somenone paying for a wedding. And I realize where you discontement is with not having it all your way.
You may have wanted to think it all over- do it yourself how you want it, and pay for it. Or try to make the best of the situation!
Try to keep in mind what is most important , your marriage (vows, lifetime spent together)- not the wedding( the show & party you put on)
Post # 4
you should really speak up! Something has to give! Maybe it will come down to an agreeance of you picking this and that and they taking a safe route with catering and such. you should totally have a say in the venue at least! Dont sell yourself short b/c you feel you could sound selfish, let them know that you love that they are helping to make you and your FIs wedding dreams happen! communication!
Post # 5
I know that feeling, but for the opposite reason. We lost our entire wedding savings due to a personal issue between his parents. We had to spend it on our move that was short noticed. Granted, we needed to be out of their house and on our own, but I did NOT want to use my hard earned money for the wedding to go towards it. Anyways, his parents at one point promised to help pay for the wedding, but they show no interest nor have they said anything. So, we are now eloping. =)
Post # 6
Can you figure out a way to pay for your wedding on your own? Sometimes it’s best to not use someone else’s money, no matter how generous it seems at the time.
Post # 7
I’m really sorry you’re going through this situation!
Maybe they’re just going with what’s familiar and safe (like Jessoverall said), and they just need some convincing from you guys about why your choices are better. The fact that your choices are less expensive can hopefully help with convincing them…
I get frustrated when I hear things like this because I would be inclined to say, “We really appreciate you helping with paying for the wedding, but I don’t appreciate that you’re hanging this over our heads an not allowing it to feel like our day. Please trust that we can take care of this and understand how important this is for us.”
If they insist on choosing things after you voice your concern and present your views, you may have to either accept that this is how it’ll be if they pay, or you may decide to decline their financial backing and do things with a smaller budget but with your own vision…
Post # 8
Thank you so much everyone 🙂 seeing your replies makes me feel better. I saw some of you say to decline their financial help if they don’t want to take in my input . I have considered doing that and told my Fiance and that’s where the argument got ugly. Because he feels that his parents are willing to give us a reception so we should just accept it.
My parents can only afford the ceremony part in the church and that’s what they’re paying for. They bought my dress, the flower girls dress, church donations and music. I’m happy with only a church ceremony but my Fiance wants a reception even if it’s his parents way. That’s where we disagree .
Fiance and I are both finishing school so we have no money to bank a reception.
Post # 9
I understand. I’m not paying for my wedding either…and even though I should be so greatful that I can even have a wedding of this magnitude…(church destination wedding followed by hometown reception)….I also get alot of people pushing and pulling when it comes to my choices. They want me to pick alot of the same vendors used for my sister’s quince…even though I didn’t much care for her photographer/videographer…or her flowers..but you can’t say that out loud to someone.
Ur just having a bad day…the excitement will return, I promise. I have my days of wanting to just say the heck with it all…and just go get married in my hometown churche’s chapel with our best friends as whitnesses…and move on with out lives…and then other days I do feel excited to celebrate our marriage in a big way.
It’s a rollercoaster…for sure.
Post # 10
I’m sorry babe.
I would talk to them if I were you and if that doesn’t work, I would try to pay for things by myself. My family doesn’t have money to help SO and I pay for our wedding, so a lot of it will come out of pocket. This means we will have to have a long engagement because I don’t want to sacrifice anything because we couldn’t afford it.
Post # 11
@fresitachulita: I agree it is a rollercoaster.. I’m feeling better today and now I just want the day to be here and skip all the drama. 🙂 I’m glad you can relate, it definetely is a tough spot, you want to be greatful for someone willing to pay for it all but you also want to have a say in the BIGGEST day of your life..
@MissComicBook: thank you 🙂 we are talking to them this wednesday, crossing my fingers it all goes well.. hopefully no crying (unless is tears of joy ) and no arguing… only exchange of ideas