(Closed) Not Feeling the BM Love

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I sympathize. My wedding party members are almost all in grad school (fiance included) and simply don’t have time to help me. I can handle that. But I still think that when we chat they should ask about it.

My solution was to invited two of my closeby friends who are very sweet and enthusiastic about my wedding to be my bridal attendants.

I have felt really alone in planning sometimes too, and have definitely shed some tears for it.

Post # 5
Member
34 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sucks mucho Frown. I’ve been pretty lucky my Bridesmaid or Best Man talk to me about stuff and are really excited about my wedding but I know im in the minority. I’ve heard so many horror stories about BMs. I’ll be honest when I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man I sucked, but I was also a freshmen in college and had no idea on what to do. The bride didnt really keep me updated and I was a little shocked to be asked anyway (although I love her to death!). She really wanted to do the majority of stuff by herself but I still feel a little bad that I didnt help more. Maybe your Bridesmaid or Best Man are unsure about what to do? Obviously the whole ignoring you part is crappy and uncalled for, but as far as other stuff maybe they are just lost? Either way it sucks and I hope they come around!!

Post # 6
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m so sorry – that sucks.  I only have an Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) but both she and my mom showed little to no interest in the whole wedding until I took them dress shopping last month.  My sister now has brief moments of intense interest, and I still feel like my mom couldn’t care less. πŸ™ 

Post # 8
Member
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

πŸ™ Is there any way you can involve the people who have been excited for you? I also asked my uncle to officiate the wedding for us, and he was so honored he called me like 5 times in 2 weeks and sent off the paperwork for it right away. I also go to my parents to be excited about things that I’m guessing other people would talk to their bridesmaids about.

After feeling down about it too many times, I gave myself a choice–talk to my bridesmaids about how MIA I’ve felt they’ve been or deal with it. I am going to talk to one of them (my sister) when I see her in person. But as for the others, I’m trying to move into the acceptance stage and focus sharing my energy with people who reciprocate it.

And thank YOU for talking about this elaineathon. I’ve searched the boards a few times and always felt sad when all the Bridesmaid or Best Man posts are about how great their BMs are. I really hope you are able to come up with an outcome that leaves you with fewer tears and more smiles. Your wedding will be one of the best days of your life!

Post # 9
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Bridesmaid or Best Man drama is the worst. I have 5 BMs and 4 of them are my older sisters! The one that isn’t my sister has been the most amazing. To be fair, she is a coworker. But… I have this one sister who isn’t coming to my shower or bachelorette party (just b/c, no reason given) AND she will be leaving my ceremony around 7:30 (starts at 4) to put her kids to bed and not coming back. The photographer will be there longer than this bridesmaid, so pathetic.

Sorry, didn’t mean to make it about me but I had to vent.

The entire reason I picked the coworker to be the 5th Bridesmaid or Best Man is because of how excited she was for me and she is a close friend. She was so happy when I asked her. If you have people that ARE excited for you, try to involve them. It really is a pick me up from all the people that bring you down. You are getting married! It is a big deal! Don’t let anyone make you feel any different!!

Post # 10
Member
42 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

come down to florida and have one with me… my Maid/Matron of Honor is 9000 milles away and the other one do not care. Future Sister-In-Law. My friends plan some stuff at key west so that sould be fun…

i feel the same about my bridesmade…

Post # 11
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I can so relate, it feels like I’m doing this all on my my own too. I know they have their own lives and their own dramas, but seriously how hard is to pick a bridesmaids dress. I chose the 3rd dress I tried on, but after 2 months they can’t decide what they want to wear, let alone all the other things left to organise. They haven’t even asked about my dress or any other detail for that matter. It makes me want to pull my hair out.

Post # 13
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel for you.  I have 3 bridesmaids, two of whom are wonderful and supportive and gush with me over wedding details, but live across the country.  My Maid/Matron of Honor however, who is my roommate, keeps causing all this stress over the financial commitment she is putting in to be in my wedding (hello, thats part of the deal when you accept being in a wedding, and its been made clear from the first what she would need to spend – I am paying for their shoes, hair and one night of hotel stay – which I think is pretty generous).  In addition, she rolls her eyes at me when I get excited about something wedding related and that’s a total buzz kill.  I very nearly just had a conversation with her about how she’s causing me extra stress and ruining my planning experience because of her bad attitude about it all, but I really didn’t want to be that bride that had to kick someone out of her wedding party, particularly someone I live with!  We did have a sit-down chat about the financial stuff though, and she seems to be back on board with it, but really, if you aren’t going to be supportive of the bride, don’t say yes to being in her wedding!  Ok, sorry, that sort of became a rant of its own but I completely understand where you are coming from.  I don’t think I’m an unreasonable bride but my one bridesmaid is full of the drama and its stressing me out!

Post # 14
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I think having low expectations helps a lot. I don’t feel like my BMs owe me anything besides getting the dress and showing up to the wedding, so I don’t get too disappointed when they’re uninvolved. 

Post # 16
Member
639 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s how I feel about it too elainathon.  I’m not expecting her to be as excited and giddy as I am, but rolling her eyes?  That’s about as unsupportive as you can get.  And complaining about buying her dress.  All I want/need from her is to not be a downer and make the financial commitment without complaints.  She doesn’t even have to plan anything, the other two bridesmaids are all over that part.  

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