(Closed) not friend, sister, mother, FSIL or MIL but FIANCE …stealing my thunder!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hmm, i appreciate that being interrupted every few seconds isn’t fun, but I think in this case he was excited. That’s wonderful and cute, and he was probably disappointed no one asked earlier… you may have been asked the question, but it’s his story too, you know? 

Post # 4
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with @lilyfaith it is his story/wedding too. He isnt really stealing your thunder being that the event has just as much to do with him as it does you. Although I completely understand the interrupting thing, that kind of stuff drives me nuts.

Post # 5
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Hmmm…  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don’t take this the wrong way…..

I would think you would WANT him to be excited to talkabout the wedding and/or the engagement?!?  Most guys don’t care… And technically isn’t it HIS time to “shine” as well?  He did buy you the ring, it is his family that you were sitting down to dinner w/….

 

Post # 6
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree with the previous posters. I do think it can be annoying when people interrupt and all our men have their flaws, but I’d cut the guy some slack. Truth is, it IS his day too, not just yours! I don’t really think your fiance can steal your wedding thunder! It’s both of your thunder. Also, I think it would be a good thing to get used to this fact early on because you will encounter a lot of situations that you may feel are “stealing your thunder”: peoples entire lives don’t revolve around our weddings/engagements, so if they want to talk about other things, let them. 

Post # 8
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, in those cases (if R ever tries to drown me out, usually we’re fake arguing in front of his family) I just give him a little punch and say, “Hey! I was talking!” 

They call me feisty, but whatever… better feisty than timid, right? 

Post # 9
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t want to come across the wrong way, but a wedding is just as much about the groom as it is the bride.  In your second post, you put “After all I’m the bride!  Yes, he’s the groom but…”  It’s just as much his day as it is yours – and seeing you were visiting HIS family, it’s not surprising to me that he took the lead in telling HIS parents the story of the proposal.

 

Also, there will be plenty of time to talk details with everyone (it looks like you’re not getting married until 2012).  IMO, an engagement party/dinner isn’t really the time to necessarily talk about venues and decorations, etc.  Have you first talked to your Fiance about what HE wants for the wedding?  How many guests, the formality, etc?  These are decisions that you BOTH have to make TOGETHER – before talking to others about the wedding.

 

For the record, I agree that interrupting isn’t good, but I generally expect that my Fiance take the lead in some of these types of conversations when it’s his family we’re visiting with and I tell the stories more so when it’s my family.

Post # 10
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d just ask him not to do it again, and cut him slack this one time. The dinner we had with the Future In-Laws after we got engaged, none of them even asked to see the ring the entire time. I told them the date, and that was it. Lame! But you just gotta get over that and be excited with the people who are excited for you, and know that people are going to ask about it over and over again so you have plenty of time to tell it 🙂

Post # 12
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Crazy Bee, no one understood where you were coming from until your last post… the title of your post is Fiance is stealing my thunder, not I’m feeling unloved.  If this is how you feel you need to communicate with them and let Fiance know you feel unimportant around his family.  Talk to your folks and tell them you feel like they choose Fiance over their own daughter.  There is nothing I can say or do to make you feel better, you gotta talk to the people making you feel this way.

Post # 13
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

I think sometimes.. we have to accept that there will always be people that will disappoint us.. and it’s not always because they don’t love us.. it’s only because peoples’ loves are imperfect since people are imperfect.. and sometimes how they show love towards us is very different from what we want or expect from them but that does not mean that they are not loving us with all they have or know of..

 

Post # 14
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I’m sorry you are feeling so upset–this must be difficult for you.  But I really think there are some bigger issues going on here than this one dinner.  From some of what you wrote, I sensed a certain amount of bitterness towards your Fiance (talking about his family “praising him for being an average guy”), and that’s doesn’t seem like the healthiest way to look at the man you’re going to spend the rest of your life with.  I don’t want to sound harsh at all, but I think you need to take some time and seriously think about how you’re feeling and what’s really going on.  Lots of people don’t have warm fuzzy relationships with their in-laws and for me personally, I think that my mom actually does like my Fiance better than she likes me (LOL).  I think it’s cute and funny, and I can’t really blame her because he’s pretty fantastic.  You seem really upset, and no one can tell you that what you’re feeling isn’t valid, but I think they are feelings that you need to work through now, rather than later.  You’ll be happier in the long run! 

Post # 15
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was just trying to be empathetic with what you posted… the issue of not feeling accepted/feeling unloved is completely different. 

The topic ‘not friend, sister, mother, FSIL or MIL but FIANCE …stealing my thunder!’ is closed to new replies.

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