not getting any younger

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
7772 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Both your divorces and especially his are fairly recent, so I’m not surprised he’s reluctant to immediately jump into another marriage. That said, if he is saying with certainty that he never wants to marry again, I’d believe him and I’d walk now rather than investing anymore time in the relationship. Only way to find out is to talk to him bee.

Post # 3
Member
313 posts
Helper bee

His divorce is very fresh and I understand why he doesnt want to.

i said the same thing after my divorce but couple of years later, I changed my tunes. It may take him a while to change his mind, if he does. You would have to wait but not resent him if you do wait since it is your choice.

Post # 4
Member
5708 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Do you consider yourself single even when you are in a commit relationship because you are unmarried?

It might feel like a long time to you because you want to get married but really your divorces were very recent. If he is saying he doesn’t ever want to get married then you have to decide if that’s a deal breaker for you. Personally “not getting any younger” doesn’t seem like a real reason to push marriage.

Post # 5
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

He might need more time,’or he might not ever want to get married again – in which case, you need to respect and trust that. Would you be ok with eventually making sure you are written into each other’s wills and all those legal angles, or do you 100% want to get married again? All you can do is decide what YOU want out of life, and discuss with him in a non-pressuring way. 

My partner and I are both divorced and we both do want to get married again. Our divorces have both been official for about 2 years and we are just now starting to talk about getting married (partly because I’m pregnant!!). As you know, you need time to heal from it – especially since his was a nasty divorce. My partner’s was too, thanks to crazy ex – he is the most low drama guy ever – and he definitely needed more time than I did. Partly because during the nasty divorce, all they can focus on is all the drama and ups and down. Afterwards, they need time to 1) heal from the nastiness and 2) grieve and move on from the marriage.

Your boyfriend’s JUST got finalized! He needs time. And he might never want to go down that road again. A lot of men in particular feel that way. That’s his right. Sorry girl I know it’s hard 🙁

Post # 6
Member
6495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

While his divorce is still fresh, he IS being honest with you. He doesn’t want to get married again. If that’s a priority for you, you need to believe him. If you can handle being with him and not being married, then stay. Otherwise, don’t expect him to change. 

Post # 7
Member
6836 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

kali66 :  If he’s saying he doesn’t want to ever get married again, take him at his word. Don’t hope or assume he might change his mind later. 

Post # 8
Member
2858 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

kali66 :  If a man tells you they dont want to be married, I would be inclined to believe him. It sounds like he has been upfront about it so I wouldn’t pressure him. Marriage just isn’t in the cards for some people so if that is something you cannot live without, it may be time to find a new relationship. 

Post # 9
Member
10853 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

kali66 :  

Have you actually had a serious discussion with him about where he sees your relationship going?

Post # 10
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee

I think you have to talk to him. All we know is that he told you he doesn’t want to get married. It would be illogical for any of us, who haven’t met him, to suggest giving him time and he’ll change his mind. You’re the one has dated him for 3 years so i think you’re gut knows best  

If you’re asking if it’s better to stay with him knowing you won’t get married but at least not being single for the rest of your life, i think most would suggest you leave since you’re selling yourself short of what you want. 

Have a conversation with him. You need answers. 

Post # 11
Member
6792 posts
Busy Beekeeper

So his divorce has been final for a few months, (but you’ve been dating 3 years? oookay…) and youre surprised he doesnt want to get married right away? He may end up changing his mind, he may not. But either way, you aren’t single if you are in a committed relationship. If all you want is to jump back in and get another ring, he’s probably not the guy to do it with. That said, if you enjoy each other and are generally having a nice time, I wouldn’t toss it away because he doesnt want to commit mere MONTHS after having everything finalized.

Post # 12
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

I don’t think the timing of the the divorces has much to do with anything. If you’ve been dating for 3 years he’s obviously over his marriage and I imagine a lot of that time was just paperwork and waiting.  I’m not surprised he wants to wait before another marriage.  Did you guys discuss a plan for marriage over the time you’ve been together?.  My concern is he may never want to get married again. If you do, you need to move on from him or be patient until he’s ready.

Post # 14
Member
33 posts
Newbee

That’s a tough situation to be in, especially if you want the marriage and he doesn’t.  It can be a huge strain and could eventually cause resentment (be it you for him for not wanting to get married or him for you for forcing him to get married). 

 

Dont focus  us on the marriage part of the relationship right now maybe?  Just focus on each other and what makes you both happy.  

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