(Closed) Not getting married in a chuch

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Luckily my parents don’t care, but I have heard this from other people. Maybe they would be happy if you could get a priest to officiate still?

Post # 5
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My FI’s mom is/was pretty upset that we aren’t getting married in a church.

IMO, it’s you and FI’s wedding and marriage. You are the ones who will have to live with the fact that you are getting married outside of the church. If you are okay with it then that’s what really matters. You won’t be living with your parents every day, you will be with your SO.My advice-do what you want to do and what will make you and Fiance the happiest.

Good luck!

Post # 6
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

We didn’t have a church wedding, and I grew up thinking that if you didn’t have a church wedding it wasn’t really a marriage.   My Darling Husband was previously married, not baptised and not catholic, and the new church we would be attending made me feel extremely uncomfortable about how much it was going to cost to get the dispensations and the ceremony officiated.   I had a really long talk with my dad.  He reminded me that he and my mom didn’t get married in a church and did I think that their marriage was some sort of sham or that god didn’t recognize it in his eyes?  So after that talk we wound up getting married in a Victorian house by a friend of ours in front of the people that love us and god was a part of it. 

Have you explained your reasons to your parents?  I mean they should know that any marriage is made from compromises and this is the first one you and your Fiance are going to make when begining your family.  Explain you are willing to have the priest there, and if he’s ok with the marriage not in a church shouldn’t your parents be?

Post # 7
30 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

you could pose them the question, if a wedding wasn’t in a church, would a divorce still count as divorce? I would say most likely.

But the most important thing about your wedding ceremony is to make a committment to each other.  God will still honor that comittment regardless of when and by whom your ceremony is performed.  My family isn’t catholic, but rather nondominational, but I’ve heard the necessity for churches in catholic ceremonies (I’m guessing this could be what your family is?)

Try to sit down and talk to them, I’m sure if you are reasonable, they can be too. 

Post # 9
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If they choose not to see it as a marriage, that’s their issue to deal with. It really has nothing to do with you. Every time they meet a married couple, do they ask where they were married to make sure they’re really married? I doubt it. And you deserve the same courtesy. They will get over it eventually.

Post # 10
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

We’re not getting married in a church. Ideally, I’d prefer to, but it didn’t work out for us. We wanted a short engagement (6 month), and I’m still a member of my hometown church, an hour from where Fiance and I live. Many churches require that you be a member for a certain time period before you’re married there, or you pay a very high ceremony fee (Mine is $600 for members, $2,000 for nonmembers, for example.) 

My minister is traveling to our venue to officiate the ceremony-ideally we’ll be getting married outside near the water.  We’re doing the ceremony straight from our hymnal (United Methodist.)

God will still honor that comittment regardless of when and by whom your ceremony is performed.

Absolutely. I view my vows as being the most important thing I’ll do in my life. What difference does it make *where* I say them? Fiance and I will honor that commitment, regardless of when and by whom the ceremony is performed.


Post # 11
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

God doesn’t LIVE in the church. The church is just a bunch of man-made materials. Yes, that is where people gather to worship,etc. However, God is omnipresent. He is is everywhere and is at more than one place at a time.

Church can be anywhere. In poor countries church is just a tin roof with no real walls where they gather to pray and thank God for blessing them.

Not only that, but Jesus was born in a manger, which was a filthy place during biblical times.

God judges your heart, not your venue. God also honors humility and would bless your union even if you chose to marry at a dump or a public restroom. Nothing matters as long as you are sincere in making a covenant/promise to love each other for the rest of your life.

I am not having my wedding in a church, but our minister will talk about the covenant/promise we are making.


Post # 12
37 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had the same situation happen with my parents. I am Catholic and my fiance is Lutheran, but they said that if we didnt get married in the church is like we werent really married. So we are having two ceremonies! A simple Catholic wedding in the morning and then the wedding of our dreams at a Chapel by the river! Compromise!

Post # 13
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@LuluInLove:  Very well said. Reminded me of the hymn-

“The church is not a building,
the church is not a steeple, 
the church is not a resting place,
the church is a people.”

Post # 14
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

We will be getting married on the beach and my grandparents are the ones who want us to at church. However, they should accept your decision. Besides, it doesn’t matter where you get married really. Ask them why? What’s the difference in location?

Post # 15
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Fiance and I will not be getting married in a church, and no matter how many times I tell my parents, they still are in denial. We’ve only been engaged for about a month, but we’ve both been adamant about this for years, and they’ve always had the “But we didn’t raise you to be like this!!!” reaction. I love them dearly, but this day is about us, not them, and I’d never compromise on something I feel so strongly about on such a special day. 

Post # 16
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@StephC24:  “god is everywhere, isn’t he?”  that’s what i would say to them.  my mom felt the same way for my previous wedding and that’s what i said to her.  she agreed.

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