(Closed) Not getting married in a chuch

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Fiance and I are getting married nowhere near a church. My religious family has raised a few eyebrows, but it’s not happening. I wasn’t baptized and I’m profoundly atheist. It’s not happening.

As long as you are happy with the location, that’s what matters.

Post # 33
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Man created churches, God created the wonderful outdoors!

Post # 34
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

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@StephC24:  Funny you brought of the divorce my parents were divorced and they are now remarried all within a year

Erm, really????? so they can divorce (which is against Christian Doctrine –depending which faith they follow) but you have to get married in a church? 

Yeah, that is beyond hypocritical….

Post # 35
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Hey..sorry. =( But yes, for some people, marriage is a religious rite…and the civil aspect isn’t as important. You don’t have to agree with them…but it is what it is. Especially if your parents are Catholic, this might be super tough for them to take, because of the sacrament and the churches views on Catholics who marry outside the church.

Are you raised Catholic? Me and my Fiance are different religions, also he is divorced but we still found a way to get married in the church. It did take a long time, we had to jump through all the churches hoops and it wasn’t easy. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not possible, if you think it’s something you might want to do. Talk to a priest first and foremost. But if you and your fiance have already decided a church wedding is not for you..then perhaps you could be married in a non-denominational chapel, with a non-denominational minister? This would have been my second choice if Fiance and I could not be married in my church. 

I do feel it’s important to have God acknowledged at my wedding, and being a cradle catholic…and all the catholic guilt that comes with that, I did feel like if it were possible for me to be married in the church, then that’s what I wanted.

But it’s your wedding…you can only bend so much for other people. They don’t have to agree with you, but they should still respect your choices. 

Post # 36
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

It’s not your parents wedding. They can feel that way, but according to the government all you have to have is that piece of paper. Which ever way you and your fiance decide to celebrate with relatives should be good enough with them.

I think your brave, and I support your decision to be equals with your fiance. Your parents will come around or they will just have to go to a “non-wedding.”

Post # 37
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
@Mrs. Bear Cheese Pie:  That’s great! Good for you. That’s terrible that your dad thought he could make you give up your beliefs for a sum of money. Someone couldn’t pay me to include that nonsense.

Post # 38
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

View original reply
@StephC24:  “Funny you brought of the divorce my parents were divorced and they are now remarried all within a year. “

Maybe you can counter that your parents’ current marriages aren’t real marriages either, because the church doesn’t allow divorce?

Post # 39
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

My parents were bummed out when I told them we weren’t planning to do it in Catholic church.  My Fiance is not religious at all so he wouldn’t budge anyway.  But I think for families with different religions, non-religious ceremony is the best compromise.

I hope your parents will come around.  Mine did.  Good luck!

Post # 40
Member
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

My parents have made some comments about the fact that it isnt in a church and how they are not totally ok with it, but they know that if they say too much we will pull the plug on this operation and elope.

However, his stepmom has been more than vocal about how “not in a church = not a real wedding”. Funny, since between her and her now-husband, they have had 5 weddings. (She is his 3rd wife, he is her 2nd husband.) I dont necessarily need wedding advice from someone who has not exactly had the cleanest marriage track record (all their weddings were in churches, so it proves her theory wrong…where you get married does not mean it will be a successful marriage).

We eventually told people not to show up if they had that big of a beef about it. Noone has said anything about it since. We are having a prayer in the middle of our ceremony, so that seems to have made my mother a little bit happier. His stepmom, on the other hand, needs to cool her jets. For the most part, most people, once they get past the initial “OMG!!!”, are ok about it not being in a church.

Post # 41
Member
5072 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

God is everywhere, not just in designated buildings.

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