(Closed) Not Getting Married “Young Enough”?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I never got the “shock value” of being young and engaged (22 when engaged, 23 when married) possibly because I don’t come across as young. But even when I got the occassional comment, I never really cared if they thought i was too young! I much prefered if they thought i was older. Being told you’re sensible and practical is a compliment I think!

Post # 4
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, I don’t know if I would say you’re being an “attention you-know-what” but I think maybe you should take some time to refocus on your relationship rather than how other people see it. We’re having a 2 1/2 year engagement and yes, people are less excited to talk about planning with it so far off. But honestly? I’m grateful! Because once they want to talk about planning, I’m going to have to deal with the 35847684367893467 things that we’re doing that more traditional family members will frown upon. I love this time when only my close friends want to talk about planning! 

Every couple is different. Because we got together at 14 and never broke up, we have had many MANY couples meet and date after us, and get married before us. It doesn’t bother me because I know why we’re waiting, and I stand by those reasons. Their relationships aren’t “better” for moving faster, they’re just different. 

ETA: We were 19 when we got engaged, and will be 22 when we get married. There wasn’t any shock value for the people that know us, and while I couldn’t care less what people think, it’s good to know that our families stand behind us.

Post # 5
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I do not think there is any appeal to getting married young.  Live life.  I think the more you go through, the more you know yourself and the more ready you are to be with another because you have experiened things already.  What I mean is- if I had married my first boyfriend- yikes!  I have gone through so much since then, and life experience changes you and helps you to realize better who you are.

But that’s just me.  I do not see getting married young as a “better” thing.  My grandpa always said to “date as much as you can before you choose.”  While this was NEVER my intention (I wanted to marry my first) I am so glad it worked out this way.  While it was a pain in the butt going through those years, I am better because of them.  I have experienced being completely alone, experienced going on spontaneous road trips to Cali, experienced making mistakes.  The list goes on.  Maybe getting married young would be good if you are one of those lucky people that knows all about themselves at a young age, but for me, I am that much better for our marriage because of just a few extra years under my belt. 

You are still young, and I guess I think that waiting is a good thing.

Post # 6
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband and I were engaged for 3 years because we were waiting until we finished college.  Some people didn’t take us seriously because of the longer engagement but who cares?  It isn’t their relationship, it is yours.  A lot of people still think that getting marreid at 22 is young.

Post # 8
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

The only experience I had with that was when I told a store clerk I was engaged and getting married in 2 months and she gave me the “are you crazy for getting married so young” look (btw, I was 4 days shy of my 28th birthday when we got married).  She finally asked how old I was and I told her and she was like, “Oh, I thought you were one of those young kids getting married.”  Bless that woman.  I wanted to hug her and give her a kiss for thinking I looked like I was still in my early 20s. LOL

I really don’t think the shock value of your age is something you should worry about.  Ejs was totally right when saying being sensible and practical is a compliment.  Do you want people going, “HOLY CRAP…You’re only 19 and getting married?  Are you crazy???” (the shock value version) or do you want people respecting you for being sensible and practical?  My parents were married at 18 and 19 and I still shake my head at the thought of getting married that young.  It worked for them, they’re coming up on 32 years in June, but it’s DEFINITELY something they never recommended.  My dad would have been FURIOUS if I had even considered getting married before I graduated college…which worked out fine for me beings I never wanted to get married until I was atleast 25. lol

Also, remember that age is mostly just a number.  Everyone seems young to someone.  Getting married at 19 may seem young to someone who got married at 23….and someone who got married at 23 seems very young to me considering I was married at 28…and to someone who is 35, getting married at 28 may seem young.  It’s all relative.

Post # 9
Member
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I find it a bit odd that you’re anxious for some sort of knee-jerk reaction from people.  Congrats & well-wishes, I would think, are more common expectations.  Since I personally view an engagement as the period of time it take to plan a wedding, having an extended engagement seems pointless to me. 

Post # 11
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I understand what you’re saying about shock value.  Most people think I’m an undergrad when they meet me (no I don’t wear UGGs and tights with a too tight shirt) but I do dress casually since in my dept we work with some nasty stuff (everyone dresses casually).  So I have started noticing people’s reactions when I say, nope, sorry I’m one of your teachers, and kinda started to like the shock.  Different situation but I get what you’re saying.

Post # 12
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ok really honest opinion here, not meant to offend anyone…

If you know you love eachother and want to spend your lives together, what’s the rush to say you’re engaged? Can you be committed to eachother without a ring? From your post, it sounds like maybe you liked the attention and now it’s starting to wear off and other people aren’t taking you seriously? This is just my opinion, but when somebody tells me they’re engaged, but they are waiting for 3+ years (bc of school, etc), then why not wait to be officially engaged until then? Enjoy college! It doesn’t mean you have to run around and behave badly but why tie yourself down with picking out china patterns? Enjoy eachother and your relationship while you’re still young!

I would personally be wary of being really focused on weddings right now, this is the time in your life to develop personal interests and hobbies and explore a world full of possibilities…don’t get so caught up in “wedding world” that you forget about what’s most important in life.

Everyone is different and every relationship is different and if this is the best for you, that’s great! You are truly lucky to have found the love of your life. But with a long engagement, I think you’re going to find less attention until much closer to the actual date.

Post # 13
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

A lot of people look at me weird when I tell them I’m engaged. I’m 22 but I guess I look a bit younger (maybe I’ll enjoy that when I’m older lol). I think most of it is my friends who are still in party mode and I’ve never been a huge partier so to my fiance and I it was the perfect decision for us. He started University late so he’s wanting to wait until he’s done to get married like you guys and I don’t really enjoy people brushing off my wedding just because it’s far away either. I’m still crazy excited and if I could have it tomorrow I would, but in the long run it makes more sense to wait and save up money. Regardless of when the wedding is though, people should still say congratulations and it sucks that some people are kinda rude and focus too much on your age instead of showing their happiness for you.

Post # 15
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

My fiance and I are both young, he graduated high school the year after I did and went into the Army while I’m here in college, we just got engaged this February, but we aren’t planning on getting married til next summer when I am graduated.  I kind of know how you feel about being young and everyone questioning if we know what we are doing.  I also know how hard and frustrating it can be to wait so long to get married, and I wish all the time that we could get married sooner.

I know it’s important to want to please the parents, but I would still say do what you feel is right for you.  If you think it is best to wait til then to get married then go for it!  But if you feel like you want to get married sooner and that it would be ok for you and your fiance to do so then I say do it!

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