(Closed) Not going to my best friend's wedding

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so sorry that this happened 🙁 I’m sure she’s upset, but you must be too! You did try and that’s what matters most! Maybe see if someone could record or live stream (skype)?

Post # 63
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@merpitymerp:  Safety first. I’m in the NYC area and you guys made the right choice. With all the delays, cancellations, and traffic, you might not have even made it to that flight. Naturally, she’s going to be disappointed but it doesn’t sound like she’s mad or anything.

Post # 64
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@merpitymerp:  Don’t feel bad about this OP. The weather was awful, it is flat out dangerous to travel during these conditions especially by car from DC to NYC. Your friend has to understand. 

If they plan a Destination Wedding in the middle of winter, then need to know sometimes shit happens that you have no control over ( which is your situation!) I hope she does not hold it against you. How would she have felt if you tried to go and got in an accident?

Post # 65
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m in NYC and yesterday DH and I turned around on our walk to a restaurant that was ten blocks away because the sidewalks were too icy to walk on. Even once you get to NYc, it’s still quite a journey from Penn Station (where the trains come in) to either LaGuardia or JFK. The trains were running, but mostly local, and I can’t imagine dragging my suitcase through that mess, by myself, for anything short of someone needing a kidney. 

OP, you tried. You did the best you could, short of growing wings and flapping your way there. I hope your friend isn’t mad, but if she is, you’ve gotta know that you did the best you reasonably could do. 

Post # 67
1124 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am really glad I am not friends with any of these PPs who said they would be upset. get a grip.

Post # 68
6532 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Baroness_Meg: “Obviously you can’t control the weather, but I would have been annoyed if I offered to pay for your flight, and you refused to go because it meant commuting to that other state alone.”

The other state the OP would have to commute to is 200 miles away, maybe more depending on where in the DC area she is and which of the NYC airports she’d have to get to. Amtrak has had loads of cancellations and the roads are bad. And it wouldn’t just be commuting alone. It would be attending the wedding alone since the flight from NYC did not have two seats, only one. And at the time all of this was going down, the snow was not over and there was no guarantee that the flight would actually take off.

Hopefully considering these additional facts might show how being “annoyed” would be completely wrong!

View original reply
@BeeinBoston:  +10000!

It’s not like the OP would have to go between LaGuardia and JFK– which would still be a huge ask in this weather!  There’s a lot of reasonable things someone can ask of their friends, but this ain’t one of them.

Post # 69
40 posts
  • Wedding: April 2015

@MrsNewDay:  +1


Really, a Destination Wedding in February? That was poor planning on her part.  You tried and that’s really all you could do. 

Post # 70
1742 posts
Bumble bee

@merpitymerp:  Anyone who would be miffed in the slightest is absolutely bereft of all good sense.  Ignore anyone who is suggesting that you didn’t try hard enough.  Good Lord (this statement of indigation not directed at you, OP, but them).

Post # 71
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@merpitymerp:  I think it’s a lot to ask for you to travel 5 hours to NYC to get a flight, so I don’t think she can reasonably be upset.  These are things you have to think about and accept when you plan a wedding in winter.  We had a March wedding in New England and would have fully understood (and expected) if people couldn’t attend due to weather.

Post # 72
1934 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsNewDay:  +100

OP, you sound like a wonderful friend. I would never want to jeopardize someone’s safety by making them travel in a storm or would never want someone to feel uncomfortable in any way in traveling to get to me if I were the bride. As other PPs have said, it’s understandable for you to feel bummed. Hopefully you two can celebrate together when you see her again!

Post # 73
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not risking my safety for ANYBODYs wedding best friend or not. there comes a time where you have to be rational and take your emotion out of things. Just commuting within any state with this snow is crazed, much less crossing state lines.

No reason to except any guest to get on slippery roads, risk cancelled flight and taxi’s in this mess of weather. Sorry and wedding is still a party at the end of the day. No one should put their safety on the line for that. And no real freind would expect that. If this was summer time, that would be diffrent but its a mess on these roads. DC is typically 4-5 hours away with GOOD weather.

You did the right thing and anyone who tells you diffrent needs their head examined. 

Post # 74
1051 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@merpitymerp:  I do live on the east coast, in Canada. As I said, I would have been annoyed, but I would have understood. It wouldn’t be something that I would have let affect our friendship in any way, shape or form. I guess I should say it would have made me SAD, rather than annoyed, that my best friend wouldn’t be there on my wedding day.

I’m not trying to give you shit as PP’s have said, I was just letting you know my thoughts.

As I mentioned, because I am in Canada, we did not have that large storm, and I was not aware that trains were being cancelled. In that case, I would not have gone either.

Post # 75
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I would be upset, especially because it’s last minute and things will have to change. And it’s not your fault. It’s just a crappy circumstance. I understand you feeling bad and her feeling sad. I think if you are true friends then you will come out of this OK and can move on from it

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