(Closed) Not good enough…

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

What does Fiance say when she’s talking about you?  Does he stand up for you?

Post # 4
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I don’t think there’s anything you can do about her feelings regarding your situation- but your fiance can step in and make sure she’s not making those kind of comments in front/around/about  you and treats you respectfully while you’re in her presence. If you’ve heard her say those things she’s crossed a line and your fiance should set her straight. I would be tempted to point out how rude she is to pass judgement so vocally. Really though, the best thing to do is have your fiance handle it and if he won’t you deserve a new fiance who won’t allow his mother to disrespect you and your child.


Post # 5
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ugh, what an awful situation.  I’m not in a similar situation, so I can’t offer advice from that perspective, but I think your Fiance needs to sit his mom down and say comments like that won’t be tolerated.  It’s not just for your sake (not that you’re feelings are trivial by any means) but for the sake of your son.  He’s getting old enough where he’s starting to understand what people are saying, and god forbid he hears his soon to be “grandma” (don’t think she deserves that title) say something unkind about him or how he came in to the world.  You’re an adult, and it’s hurtful enough for you to hear these things – imagine what effect it would have on a defenseless child.  If it were me, once she’s been told point blank to cut it out, any time you hear her make a cruel comment, all of you should immediately leave, or tell her she needs to leave if it’s an event you’re hosting, and explain exactly why.  You can’t change this bitter woman’s feelings, but you can limit your exposure to her negativity, either by training her to reign it in, or cutting short the time you spend with her if she refuses to change.  Good luck!

Post # 6
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

You’re now part of the family and so is your son. By her talking about you having a son out of wedlock, she is creating an uncomfortable situation for you and may be influencing others to think this way. Right now your son is 3 so he porbably doesn’t notice, but when he gets older if this continues, he will notice and he shouldn’t be made to feel that way.

Do you think she might let it go after you are officially married? If so, maybe ignore it for now and deal with it after the wedding if it is still going on.

You could try talking to her or ask your fiance to talk to her. Maybe if you appeal to her sense as a mother- you understand that she wants the best for her son, and you likewise want the best for yours, and because of that, you want her to stop saying these negative things.

Worst case scenario, she continues to do it because she likes upsetting you and now knows it upsets you. But most likely she will feel a little embarrased and at least stop talking like this in public, even if she still feels that way.

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