Post # 1
I’m struggling with my Future Mother-In-Law. She’s older, old fashioned, everything UPSET that Fiance and I bought a house before our engagement. Upset my Future Sister-In-Law and Future Brother-In-Law moved in with their significant others before marriage.
HOWEVER, I have a 3 yr old son from a previous relationship. I didn’t go to college, becasue I was fortunate to be born into a family owned business.
I am totally not accepted in the parents eyes. I feel it everytime we are all together. I’ve overheard conversations about how disappointed she is that I have a child out of wedlock. It’s stressing me out to the point of it being on my mind alot! I have NEVER not gotten along with anyones parents, whether it be friends or past relationships. Why is it that the man i’mmarrying, this happens to me?!!?
Anyone else dealing with this?!
Post # 3
What does Fiance say when she’s talking about you? Does he stand up for you?
Post # 4
I don’t think there’s anything you can do about her feelings regarding your situation- but your fiance can step in and make sure she’s not making those kind of comments in front/around/about you and treats you respectfully while you’re in her presence. If you’ve heard her say those things she’s crossed a line and your fiance should set her straight. I would be tempted to point out how rude she is to pass judgement so vocally. Really though, the best thing to do is have your fiance handle it and if he won’t you deserve a new fiance who won’t allow his mother to disrespect you and your child.
Post # 5
Ugh, what an awful situation. I’m not in a similar situation, so I can’t offer advice from that perspective, but I think your Fiance needs to sit his mom down and say comments like that won’t be tolerated. It’s not just for your sake (not that you’re feelings are trivial by any means) but for the sake of your son. He’s getting old enough where he’s starting to understand what people are saying, and god forbid he hears his soon to be “grandma” (don’t think she deserves that title) say something unkind about him or how he came in to the world. You’re an adult, and it’s hurtful enough for you to hear these things – imagine what effect it would have on a defenseless child. If it were me, once she’s been told point blank to cut it out, any time you hear her make a cruel comment, all of you should immediately leave, or tell her she needs to leave if it’s an event you’re hosting, and explain exactly why. You can’t change this bitter woman’s feelings, but you can limit your exposure to her negativity, either by training her to reign it in, or cutting short the time you spend with her if she refuses to change. Good luck!
Post # 6
You’re now part of the family and so is your son. By her talking about you having a son out of wedlock, she is creating an uncomfortable situation for you and may be influencing others to think this way. Right now your son is 3 so he porbably doesn’t notice, but when he gets older if this continues, he will notice and he shouldn’t be made to feel that way.
Do you think she might let it go after you are officially married? If so, maybe ignore it for now and deal with it after the wedding if it is still going on.
You could try talking to her or ask your fiance to talk to her. Maybe if you appeal to her sense as a mother- you understand that she wants the best for her son, and you likewise want the best for yours, and because of that, you want her to stop saying these negative things.
Worst case scenario, she continues to do it because she likes upsetting you and now knows it upsets you. But most likely she will feel a little embarrased and at least stop talking like this in public, even if she still feels that way.