(Closed) Not Happening….

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
19 posts
Newbee

That was cruel of him to say. Maybe the booze is to blame for that too. He’s probably feeling the pressure from people around you and it’s getting to him. some guys can be so contrariant. The pre-proposal time is stressful for everyone!

It’s posisble he is trying to throw you off or he will do it on some random day, but if he were smart he’d do it at the beginning of your trip so you will both be giddy and have a great time and the tension will be cleared!

Post # 3
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

That’s such a bummer, bee. He really should just give you the ring already– it’s torture knowing that he has it and wondering every day if This Is It or not. Try not to let it bother you too much, and remmeber that it’ll happen eventually!

Post # 4
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I really don’t understand this obsession with a huge surprise youtube worthy proposal that men seem to have.  I feel like most of us ‘waiting bees’ have been waiting for a while.  We are in serious relationships where we share homes and finances.  You know he has the ring, you’ve discussed marriage.  Why ruin your trip or continue to make you wait and feel insecure so that he can ‘surprise you’.  The surprise ship has sailed.

I’m sure his heart is in the right place but I would be upset as well. 

Post # 5
Member
38 posts
Newbee

That would definitely upset me too. He clearly didn’t realize how cruel that was! Obviously that would be a great place to propose, and he shouldn’t have said anything, you would have gone crazy with excitement wondering IF it’s going to happen then! 

 

Well, now you know it’s not ….if he doesn’t pop the question in a couple months I’d talk to him and remind him how agonizing it is knowing he has the ring. But give him a little time til then to do something special! 

Post # 6
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

My bf did something similar, except it was Christmas. I was very glad he told me in advance so I wasn’t disappointed after opening all my gifts. 

Post # 7
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

I hate that guys think it’s preferable to emotionally manipulate the situation to make the surprise bigger, that it’s better to leave their partner waiting longer- even seeing that the wait is causing their partner hurt and confusion, simply because he’s bought into the notion of wanting the woman to be all shocked and overcome. It’s ridiculous that a woman, who has often been with her partner for years, is supposed to somehow not think about or anticipate a proposal. If the guy wanted it to be a surprise so badly, he should have done it sooner rather than later. I went through this b.s. with my Fiance & if I had to do it over again I would have just cut through all the waiting drama and proposed to him myself. 

Post # 8
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

View original reply
steelmagnolia40:  I don’t understand it either. My Fiance was the same way, but since we’re moving in a week and he knew I wouldn’t go without being engaged (I probably would’ve and he knew that but I wouldn’t say it) he finally just did it at a restaurant a week and a half ago. I had to break it over his head that I don’t need (or really even want) a big proposal & he needs to just do it. OP, have you told him that? I would tell him he needs to just do it & he can plan a big one if he wants but it better be soon because he’s putting all your life plans on hold for something you know is gonna happen anyways. That’s what I told mine at least (LOTS of times because he didn’t get it right away) & it worked. 

Post # 9
Member
1472 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Now hold on a second…lets look at it from the guys point of view shall we? I think there is a lot of pressure on men to give their significant others a huge and glorious proposal. He loves his gf he obviously wants the proposal to be special. Also…people will ALWAYS ask how the proposal went, and you know some people will be judging him based on how he proposes…If he waits too long to give a grand proposal then hes an idiot. If he proposes immediately but the proposal is not grand or “special”, then hes also an idiot. Guys can’t win either way…. lose/lose situation. 

Post # 10
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Loveless Barn

View original reply
milabeehappy:  What the woman he loves wants should always be far more important that worrying about outsiders judging. And I think people are always going to love hearing about a simple, heartfelt proposal. To he honest, I tend to judge the over the top proposals because what are they trying to prove?

Post # 11
Member
5789 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
milabeehappy:  No, disagree. The majority of women don’t need ‘a spa day, a manicure & a scavenger hunt through Paris’ (lol stolen from another Bee) for a proposal to be memorable- in fact many don’t want a ‘YouTube worthy’ proposal & have told their partners this. A man is NOT in a lose-lose situation unless he’s so brainwashed by social media & movies that he buys into all of this and doesn’t listen to what his future-bride is trying to tell him. It’s the pissing about and procrastinating that interferes with the proposal, not the elaborateness of the proposal. 

How can a proposal not be special simply because it’s not elaborate? If the man you’re in love with tells you he wants you to be his wife and grow old with him, how can this not be amazingly special no matter how the guy proposes? 

View original reply
tnfuturebride:  +1

Post # 12
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

So sorry to hear that. I dont think the guys really get how hard it is on us. Sounds like ultimately your bf has really good intentions and just wants to make it special for you. Hang in there Bee, it will come.

Post # 13
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

I agree, the waiting around gets silly. My SO has the ring, he took the ring on a holiday with us (I knew because it went in the safe as a “birthday surprise” – I was then ill on my birthday so it didn’t happen) and came back again (And i pretended I’d forgotten the box’s existence for his sake so he can propose his way). We’re now another two months on and discussing wedding venues and guest lists – without the proposal. I suspect he’s waiting for our two year anniversary at the end of April but at this point it’s hard to not be like “there’s no surprise, who are you kidding? Hand it over.” I feel for you, Bee! 

Post # 14
Member
2732 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

My husband proposed on our 7 year anniversary on a trip to the beach. He told me the night before we left that he wouldn’t be proposing for “at least another year” and how he would “love to marry tomorrow but we need some more time”. I was bummed but understood. Then he goes and proposes the next day. He said he didn’t want me expecting it at all and he wanted it to be a total surprised. Not gonna lie, I was pretty pissed at his approach. As

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha:  said, it felt like emotional manipulation.

I’m not trying to get your hopes up but it is a possibility he’s just trying to throw you, your BFF and anyone else off his scent. I think there’s a lot of pressure from society to make the proposal special so everyone expects it on a big trip or elaborate outing. It certainly doesn’t need to be over the top. You’re agreeing to marry someone, spend your life with them. That’s elaborate enough on it’s own without a big display. I hope you get your ring soon, OP. I think it’s twisted, cruel, and completely unneccessary to buy a ring, make it known you have it, and leave your girlfriend anxiously waiting for you to decide when it’s the “right moment”. Honestly, if I were you, I would’ve rather he pulled the car over that night and simply proposed right then and there. There’s no reason to drag this out.

Post # 15
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
RobbieAndJuliahaha:  Yup. My proposal was via a text message while my husband was being admitted into the ER in another province. While I would have liked to skip the whole part about him having to be admitted to the ER, I would not change anything about the proposal because in the circumstances where he sent that text he knew more than anything at that moment he wanted me to be with him for the rest of his life, that he could not imagine not sharing his life with me. And I would not even consider myself “waiting” at that time – have never considered myself waiting – so it is not like I would take “anything I got”. I don’t think a proposal is about getting a good instagrammable story or photo, it’s about the feelings and meaning behind it.

Honestly, no one really seems to ever ask how the proposal went, except on wedding boards. And I certainly don’t think anyone has asked me what my proposal was like except for the first few days after we were engaged and no one seemed at all disappointed or whatever. Of everyone in my own life who are married, 99% of them had very low key proposals like while at home in their PJs or just made “mutual decisions” to get engaged. One of my favourites is my friend whose husband rolled over to her in bend one Sunday morning and said “I want to marry you, how do you feel about going to get a ring today?”. They considered themselves engaged from that point on.

 

OP, I think it is rather cruel for him to have the ring and just keep holding onto it for…what? At the same time, I don’t understand why you want it to be a “surprise” at this point – I mean, you both know he has the ring, right? Have you told him you don’t need a big elaborate proposal? Did you tell him how much this waiting for something “unexpected” is affecting you? Is the “surprise” really that important to you at this point? I mean, I am sort of lost as to why if he has the ring he can’t just…propose between now and Memorial Day. Or in Niagara Falls even if it is “expected”. It is just a question! If you have time to do laundry or shower between now and Memorial Day, you have time to get engaged…

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