- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
I told H the other day that it honestly makes me angry to see that he’s getting close to his brother again who is in jail and getting released soon. I told him I know that sounds terrible but I feel like I’m just waiting for H to get his heart ripped out by BIL and Mother-In-Law again.
Any therapist who knows their story would say they’ve been abusive to him. And he keeps forgiving them and I’m sick of it, literally and figuratively. H said that his brother was nice to him on the phone the other day which means that he could be getting better and I asked him if he realized what he was saying. His brother was nice for that day, for a half hour. There’s been absolutely no show of good and decent behavior from his brother over any extended period of time and I think I’ve done and said everything I could to H about it and it doesn’t matter. One day of good behavior seems like enough of a turnaround in his eyes.
We are moving soon and I heard H tell his mom on the phone that it’s good because now there will be room for her and BIL to stay over now and I was really mad at this. He keeps promising things like that his brother can’t stay over because his brother is a criminal and if he steals from us or brings drugs into our home or disrespects us I could lose it for the last time.
H promised me we’d spend Christmas together alone this year and he gave it to his family instead. He even gave his mom my birthday weekend and Thanksgiving and I don’t know what else I can do. On an unrelated note, my mom asked if I wanted to go with her to visit her mom for the holidays and H said maybe I should so I could cool off because I’ve been stressed lately. More than half of that stress is from his family.
I’m afraid that when they do come for the holidays I might end up snapping at either BIL or Mother-In-Law and that if I do openly snap in front of them I will be attacked–it’s happened before to other family members who aren’t in their immediate family and I just don’t understand why H would even put me in that position. I literally have no one to talk to about this and I don’t know how to talk about it to H without telling him he has to choose me or them. All of this stuff is really putting me in a dark place. Both of our own issues are getting ignored for his family and I don’t know why he’s letting that happen.
I’d be willing to try to have a relationship with BIL if he was fully rehabilitated which hasn’t happened yet and there are no signs that he will be going to any sort of drug rehab. And I’m not assured that his stealing habit is not gone.