Post # 1
Okay, hive, I need some advice!
I have a friend and the two of us have been very good friends for almost 10 years. She’s already assumed she’s going to be my maid of honor without me even asking her. So I’ve been put in a really tough situation.
She’s notorious for acting very inappropriate, rude, and forward in social situations. It is especially extreme when meeting new groups of people (like at a wedding, say).
My fiance can’t stand her, and I don’t think she likes him very much either. He’s already told me that I have free reign to plan this wedding however I want, but that the one thing he wants is for her not to be in the wedding party.
My family has also stepped in and said they wouldn’t want her in the wedding party either.
We would like to have people in our wedding party that have been close to us and supported our relationship. Since she’s lived out of town for the last 5 years, she hasn’t been around to spend time with us. But she also hasn’t been very emotionally supportive of our relationship as a whole.
But I am torn, she has been one of my closest friends for so long, but acts so inappropriate.
I feel like if I don’t put her in the wedding, then she’ll act even worse as a guest since she’s upset with me. If I don’t invite her at all it will probably end our friendship.
What should I do? And if you think I shouldn’t put her in the wedding party, how do I break it to her that not only is she NOT maid of honor, she’s not in the wedding party at all?
Thanks In Advance
Post # 3
Well if she hasn’t been supportive of your relationship, you shouldn’t feel bad about not having her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. In fact, you should feel good about it, like you’re dodging a bullett. Because you know someone with that attitude will probably do nothing to make you happy and spend all her time dragging you down during your engagement.
Trust me, as a newlywed, the best advice I can give is not to feel bad about your bridal party. Only ask people who love you and are selfless enough to treat you special during this time. Also, I feel like the smaller the bridal party the better because that usually means less drama.
You can make up your mind later if she is invited to the wedding. Just take it one step at a time, choose your venue, dress, etc. and don’t include her in any of it. Keep some space between you two and see how she reacts – if she gets mad and acts selfish, then don’t invite her. If she starts to realize why she’s being left out and steps it up then go ahead and put her on the list.
Post # 4
You said your Fiance and family don’t want her in the bridal party. Just to be clear, knowing everything you said, would you want her in the bridal party if they didn’t care?
If you don’t want her in the bridal party either, I certainly wouldn’t ask her to spare feelings or avoid drama. It’s your wedding.
How to break the news to her depends on who else is in your wedding but assuming you can’t say it’s family only, I would just tell her you feel like you have drifted over the past few years and you can understand if she is upset but you want to be upfront and tell her she is invited to the wedding as a guest but will not be in the bridal party.
Post # 5
Part of me wants her there and part of me doesn’t. She’s been known to steal the spotlight and I’m worried that she’ll do that on my fiance and I’s day. But she’s also been there for me through a lot, so I’m having trouble making a decision. I am also worried about hurting her feelings, whether or not I should.
Post # 6
I would say that you guys were looking for friends of both of you to be in the wedding party (if this is true)-if she doesn’t like him all that much than that seems like a valid excuse, even if she’s still upset about it.
Post # 7
IT’s preeeetty hard to steal the spotlight from the bride and groom!
I guess you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but off the bat what confuses me is a) your Fiance doesnt’ like her b) your parents don’t like her c) she’s critical of your relationship and d) she’s rude in social situations . . . and what about her makes her your closest friend?
I also think it’s weird for any Fiance to restrict whom his future wife has in her bridal party. I think airing preferences is fine, but to say, “No, you can’t include this person”? Uh, shouldn’t it be a joint decision?
But from what you’ve said, it sounds like she’d be a bigger headache than it’s worth. I don’t really have a good way of how to tell her–I wouldn’t say anything unless she forces the issue.
Post # 8
It sounds like you want her in the bridal party so you don’t hurt feelings and a little because she has been there for you although she also hasn’t. It’s easier to not have someone in the wedding party than to kick them out.