Post # 1
I recently was wed in a super private (less than 5 people) ceremony. Afterwards, the small group had a private dinner.
I’m sending out announcements just as an FYI that we got married and here’s my new address. I’m not expecting any gifts nor desiring any. The announcement is really just that, an announcement. I had the wedding I wanted and could afford.
It’s come to my attention (through the grapevine) that people who weren’t invited want to send me gifts. My family has been spouting off that I got married left and right before I even had a chance to tell anybody myself. Given this, do I need to host a banquet dinner after the fact for the people I sent announcements to? I had the private wedding just so that I could avoid all this.
What would you do? Invite everybody to a post-wedding dinner? Accept their gifts with a very nice thank you card in response but not host a dinner? I don’t want to be rude.
Post # 2
Nope if you don’t want it then don’t host. I’d be tempted not to send out announcements of wedding though. Could be a bit grabby? I don’t think so but you know your friends and if they’d think that. Do you have social media? I find word gets around fairly quickly with a little photo on Facebook and a mum who likes to chat!
If people do send a gift though of course that’s lovely and send them a thank you as normal.
Post # 3
If you don’t want a reception, you don’t need to have one. If people take it upon themselves to send a gift, you should write a gracious thank you note and move on. There’s no need to feel obligated to hold a party because people want to send gifts.
Post # 4
Thats the exact thing I didn’t want the announcements to be, gift grabby at all. I really just wanted to tell people I got married without any ulterior motive.
UK-bee : Unfortunately, I don’t have social media at all and some announcements have been sent (to international countries) because it takes awhile to get there. All the people who I’ve sent announcements to are quite old and have no email. So I wote individual long letters to them and slipped in my announcement.
JiminyCricket : I really don’t want to do a reception. I’d much rather as you suggested, provide a very gracious and personalized thank you note. But my cousins are all telling me that I’m very rude for not hosting a dinner or party and that it’s expected, especially because nobody was invited to the wedding.
Post # 5
This would be a bit later, but you could just place a wedding photo in your Christmas card. That way you can share a bit of your big day with those friends/families without any obligation on anyone including you. Either way you are not obligated to hold a reception.
Post # 6
introvertedgal : I’m pretty etiquette conscious (my mother mailed me a wedding etiquette book when I got engaged), and it would not bother me in the slightest if I chose to send a gift after hearing about your wedding, but you didn’t have a reception. I don’t think it’s rude in any way to not host a party. It’s your choice if you want to have a party. It’s their choice if they want to send a gift. One does not require the other.
Post # 7
People who send gifts when they have not been invited to a wedding genuinely just want to send you something in celebration. I would respond to them with a long note, a nice card and then later, as you have time to encounter these people in person/ when they visit/ when you visit, meet up with them for a drink or dinner.
Post # 8
No, it’s fine. The reception is meant to act as a thank you to people who attended the ceremony. Thank you cards are for gifts. So there is no need to feel guilty about no having a reception after the fact when you already had your private ceremony.
I would not assume a marriage announcement card is gift grabby if I received one…unless of course you included registry information with it, which I’m assuming you’re not. People like to send gifts to congratulate on weddings. Be gracious, send a thank you note and that’s all that you need to do.
Post # 9
I think it’s rude of your cousins to suggest that you have to throw them a party! If someone wants to throw you a dinner to celebrate then that is one thing, but you shouldn’t feel any pressure to throw a party you don’t want to have.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom
I think your cousins are in the wrong by saying that! You practically eloped…you don’t owe these people anything! For those who want to send gifts, write back a gracious thank you note. If you are REALLY getting a lot of flack from them, you could always say to them that if they want a party so badly they are welcome to host it!
Post # 11
So sorry for the late response. Work was just crazy and caused me to be offline for a few days.Thank you all for the responses. It’s given me lots of think about.
snowflake8 : I definitely would write a gracious thank you note. Even each announcement had a handwritten note accompanying it. And ya, my ceremony did feel a bit like an elopement with so few in attendance. I think they’re all just upset that there was no party. People often use weddings as a family reunion type event. I wanted nothing to do with that and being the centre of attention.
ninjatea : Thanks for this. I would just feel terrible if I was committing some huge social etiquette faux pas by not inviting people after the fact. I even tried to minimize who knew I was getting married since I didn’t want people to feel obligated to get me anything. It’s why I sent the announcements.
chocochai : Not at all chocochai. There was zero mention of a registry. I only included my address and some sparse details of where and when we got married. And, as I mentioned above, I tried to keep it a secret so that nobody would get offended that they weren’t invited.
Thunderstorm : Thanks for the Xmas suggestion Thunderstorm. Unfortunately, word in my family’s circle gets around super fast. If I didn’t announce something almost immediately, waiting until Xmas would be almost imposssible on my end. Though, I like the idea of just sitting on it for a bit.
JiminyCricket : Thanks for the etiquette reassurance. I try to say that i had the wedding I wanted and could afford. I have no registry. I didn’t even ask the few guests in attendance for anything. I know in my head that one doesn’t require the other, but the heckling crowd keeps on insinuating themselves in my thought process. “Rude rude rude for not hosting a dinner for those who give you gifts after the fact”
k8goeslz : If I absolutely must, I might try to do something smalll like a tea or lunch rather than a huge dinner. I just can’t stand the possibility of having to host something that large. It’s precisely why I chose a very tiny ceremony.