Not having a post-wedding dinner (after the fact)?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
6283 posts
Bee Keeper

Nope if you don’t want it then don’t host. I’d be tempted not to send out announcements of wedding though. Could be a bit grabby? I don’t think so but you know your friends and if they’d think that. Do you have social media? I find word gets around fairly quickly with a little photo on Facebook and a mum who likes to chat!

If people do send a gift though of course that’s lovely and send them a thank you as normal. 

Post # 3
Member
13484 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you don’t want a reception, you don’t need to have one.  If people take it upon themselves to send a gift, you should write a gracious thank you note and move on.  There’s no need to feel obligated to hold a party because people want to send gifts.

Post # 5
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee

This would be a bit later, but you could just place a wedding photo in your Christmas card. That way you can share a bit of your big day with those friends/families without any obligation on anyone including you. Either way you are not obligated to hold a reception. 

Post # 6
Member
13484 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

introvertedgal :  I’m pretty etiquette conscious (my mother mailed me a wedding etiquette book when I got engaged), and it would not bother me in the slightest if I chose to send a gift after hearing about your wedding, but you didn’t have a reception.  I don’t think it’s rude in any way to not host a party.  It’s your choice if you want to have a party.  It’s their choice if they want to send a gift.  One does not require the other.

Post # 7
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

People who send gifts when they have not been invited to a wedding genuinely just want to send you something in celebration. I would respond to them with a long note, a nice card and then later, as you have time to encounter these people in person/ when they visit/ when you visit, meet up with them for a drink or dinner. 

Post # 8
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No, it’s fine. The reception is meant to act as a thank you to people who attended the ceremony. Thank you cards are for gifts. So there is no need to feel guilty about no having a reception after the fact when you already had your private ceremony. 

I would not assume a marriage announcement card is gift grabby if I received one…unless of course you included registry information with it, which I’m assuming you’re not. People like to send gifts to congratulate on weddings. Be gracious, send a thank you note and that’s all that you need to do. 

Post # 9
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I think it’s rude of your cousins to suggest that you have to throw them a party! If someone wants to throw you a dinner to celebrate then that is one thing, but you shouldn’t feel any pressure to throw a party you don’t want to have.  

Post # 10
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I think your cousins are in the wrong by saying that! You practically eloped…you don’t owe these people anything! For those who want to send gifts, write back a gracious thank you note. If you are REALLY getting a lot of flack from them, you could always say to them that if they want a party so badly they are welcome to host it!

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