(Closed) Not having a wedding party?? help

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
880 posts
Busy bee

When I told my friends there was no wedding party they were overjoyed.  Getting a dress, the hair, makeup  it’s a lot of money to be in a wedding  

 

I feel like family these days throw the shower. If you have a bachelorette party your friends will make it happen (after I told them there was no bridal party. They high fived me and ask where we are going for the bachelorette party). You don’t need a bridal party. Just someone to hand your flowers to during the ceremony. No biggie. 

Post # 3
Member
880 posts
Busy bee

And it’s very rare that anyone enjoys being put on the spot to make a speech. the only speeches at weddings that I remember are the ones that went wrong.  I obsessed over my speech for my sisters wedding. I was so stressed. Does anyone remember it? Probably not.   Do your wedding that way you guys want to. Those are usually the more fun weddings amy way ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
546 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m skipping the bridal party, but my wedding is only about 15 people.  My Future Mother-In-Law threw an engagement party and we’re doing a small bachelorette party.  There’s a lot that still goes into it, but they shouldnt need a title of bridesmaid to be willing to help you.  They’re still your friends!

Post # 5
Member
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You don’t need bridesmaids to have a shower or bachelorette party, and good friends shouldn’t need a title or a matchy dress to offer advice or help out. I’ve been a bridesmaid four times, a Maid/Matron of Honor three of the four, and wouldn’t have done any less for my friends w/o the title. 

Post # 6
Member
934 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

We didn’t do a bridal party either and it’s so much less stressful and less expensive for everyone. They can wear what they want, you don’t need to buy expensive gifts, no drama before the wedding and your friends can decide how involved they want to be because they WANT to not because they have to.

Your friends can can still throw you a bachelorette party, get ready with you if you want the morning of the wedding. I think having just you and your SO and the officiant standing up front for your ceremony is so intimate and special!  

For speeches, DHs best friend still made a speech without being a groomsman and my friends still helped me plan what they could from afar. I would have chosen my SIL as a bridesmaid, but I know asking her to fly out before the wedding would have been a huge financial burden for her so she loved being able to choose her own dress and just help once she got to the wedding. 

Post # 7
Member
13946 posts
Honey Beekeeper

There’s no issue with having a small wedding party, just a Maid/Matron of Honor and a best man, or none at all. A couple of generations ago it was very common and it’s not all that unusual to see today. 

That said, none of the things you listed are duties or obligations. They are all completely voluntary. A shower is at the discretion of a person or people who decide on their own to host one. Any friend, friend of the family, or co-worker who is so moved can throw a shower, but no bride is entitled to one.  It  is also not the responsibility of BMs to plan or help you organize your wedding. Bachelorettes are not even an officially recognized pre-wedding event. 

The main job and only responsibility of BMs is to stand up with you in support on your wedding day. It is also customary in the US to purchase a dress, preferably one they were consulted on and that they can wear again. 

Post # 8
Member
1056 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
shlbmrmslr:  Bridesmaids actually don’t have any duties. Anyone can throw you a shower/bach if they so desire. If you’d like some help with planner, I highly recommend hiring a wedding coordinator. When you find a good one, they are worth their weight in gold. If you want speeches/toasts, you could always pick someone to do that. It doesn’t have to be the wedding party.

Post # 9
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Sorry,  not the bridesmaids job to throw you those parties.   Thats volunteer only.   Their only job is to show up. 

Post # 10
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

A huge problem with bridal parties is that the bride expects a lot of them, when it’s not their duty to do any of those things. The bridal party actually has one fundamental duty, which is to stand up with you at the ceremony. All the rest of the chores you talked about are volunteer only. So you can still have your parties, if someone wants to throw them for you.

Post # 11
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Can he meet you in the middle and do a Maid/Matron of Honor and a best man? 

If this is something he is set on, look at the positives (the negatives don’t matter anymore)

If you have 150 guests, I am guessing you both have some great friends in that group. I’m sure your families can step up for the shower and help with day of planning.

I know that if I didn’t have a bridal party, there is no way my girlfriends would let me go out without a bachelorette and would just plan one themselves. Even if yours don’t, you can always do something fun after the wedding- or even organize a girls weekend yourself- you don’t have to call it a bachelorette, but it might turn into one when they get you. 

I would love to be able to choose whomever I wanted to do a speech. I LOVE my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she is super shy and I know she would rather not be doing the speech. Whereas I can think of  a few friends who would just kill it. 

Finally, there is no worrying if the girls got their dress or if it comes in on time, etc. No fighting over stupid stuff or anyone complaining about costs of things. Less stress on you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee

Our wedding will about about 125 guests (up from our original 100 … ) and we’re not having a wedding party. I don’t have to worrying about organizing other people, arranging schedules or buying gifts, and I’m really glad we’re doing it this way. And my girlfriends are still throwing me a bachelorette. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m not having a shower (my family might have thrown me one, but I live across the country from them), which I’m a little disappointed about, but such is life. I will wouldn’t change it. ๐Ÿ™‚

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