Post # 1
My fiance does not have a good relationship with her father and he does not dance. She does not want to dance with her father and most likely he would refuse to dance anyway. Well as a result we also did not wantto have an anounced mother – son dance, but I had stated that I will still save my mother a dance. My mother is fuming mad that the moment is not special enough for her. We felt it would be bad etiquette to have one announced dance without the other especially with her father in attendance. Thoughts? My mother is already trying to control things and we don’t want to start caving into her demands. What is proper here? Thanks
Post # 3
Whatever makes you happy is what is proper. As long as you’re not being rude to your guests, you can do whatever makes you happy. It’s your wedding.
She’s your mom–you have to deal with her and you have to make it clear what is ok and what is not. Avoid telling her your plans when you can, when she makes a demand say “We appreciate your input but we’re going to do this our way.”
That said–pick your battles. Since your fiance has no relationship with her father and neither of them even want to do the dance, do the dance with your mother. No one’s feelings will be hurt and it’s a small thing to do to make her happy. Let her have the things that you can give to her without it really affecting your day and put your foot down on the things that matter to you. Sit down with your fiance and work out what is important–tonight. Make a list. Then make a list of things that are not that important. Think about small things that you don’t really care about that you can just hand to her. Let her pick the song to dance to. Give her something to occupy herself so that she feels included, is actually helping and is keeping her nose out of things you don’t need/want her input on.
For example–the guest list, the food, the open bar and the venue are really important to my fiance and I. We could not care less about the decor as long as it’s inexpensive, looks nice and is in the colors we have selected. The cake? We want it to be tasty and also inexpensive and not a sheet cake. So when my mother gets all up ins, I can be like “Hey mom, I’ve got the guest list under control but I could use some help with the cake. Could you take care of that for me?”