(Closed) Not having FSIL in the bridal party

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Oh gosh…

Started with both of them in. Now one of them has informed us she is not attending the ceremony (?) which I think makes her not a bridesmaid. She still wants to wear the dress…its all deeply uncomfortable.

Perfect world? You’re going to be related to these people forever, if you can manage it, have them!

Post # 33
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Mrs.LetsGoPens: I have two FSILs and I really like both of them.  I am closer to one than the other and thought of having her stand up.  The thing is, if I had her stand up then I would have to ask the other Future Sister-In-Law to stand up and I wasnt comfortable with that.  I didn’t discuss it with anyone but my Fiance and he was fine with it.  I don’t feel that you are obligated to discuss your choices in BMs with anyone besides your future hubby.

Post # 34
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee

My Future Sister-In-Law is around thirty years older than me and hates my guts. So no.

Post # 35
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I didn’t have mine in my wedding.  I was ok with it if she wanted to be in my wedding party, but the fact that she’s on another continent and would have to match up colors etc, did pose issues.  She (and her parents) was fine with not being in the wedding party.  I did have her hand out programs and bubbles though so she felt included anyway!

Post # 37
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No, my SIL was not a bridesmaid in our wedding. She told lies about me, tried to break us up, and caused years of unnecessary hurt and drama between me and his family. We decided that we could not have anyone be part of our wedding party who didn’t support our marriage- so we never even entertained the idea of having her as a bridesmaid. She did get her act together right before the wedding, though, so we allowed her to do a reading. His parents were less than thrilled, but their daughter brought the situation on herself, so we didn’t feel badly about it.

Post # 38
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am having Future Sister-In-Law in my bridal party.  We aren’t super close but we get along.  I know she really wanted to be in the wedding.  Fiance brother on the other hand is 12 years younger than him and Fiance wasn’t going to have him in the wedding- FI’s parents threw a FIT!  So guess who is now in the wedding party?  Yup- Future Brother-In-Law.  But he will be paired up with his sister as my bridesmaids are 29+ and Future Brother-In-Law is 15.

Post # 39
Member
4460 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mrs.LetsGoPens: Mr. Tattoo has a sister that he is close to and I am not. Solution? She’s a groomswoman. She will wear a black dress to match the guys and stand on his side with her own flower bouquet.

Post # 40
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee

@missmichigan: Eh I can be a tough pill to swallow sometimes 😉 JK, kinda. I’ve actually never met her (she lives on the warm coast) but she hates me. I think it’s more the idea of me she hates?

Post # 41
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yes, I’m having my Future Sister-In-Law in my wedding. We are very close in age and get along really well. I don’t have any sisters of my own and she will be in my family very soon. My FI is having his brother as the best man. I am having the opposite problem b/c my brother is not going to be in the wedding; only the FI’s siblings. I feel kind of bad, but my brother has lived overseas in Russia for the entire 4 years that we’ve been dating and my FI barely knows him. My brother will probably do a reading.

I feel you do not need to ask your Future Sister-In-Law to be in the wedding unless you truly want her in the wedding or feel it’s a good move to do with your future in-laws.

Post # 43
Member
257 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Well I’m having my Future Sister-In-Law in the wedding party, and Fiance is having his brother… but none of my 3 brothers or my 2 SILs (my brothers’ wives) are in the wedding party.  We wanted a relatively small wedding party, and if I included one of my siblings, I’d have to include all 5.  I’m definitely not close to both SIL (aka I wouldn’t mind having one, but definitely didn’t want the other).  We would have ended up with 7 on each side if we included them.  None of my brothers were upset… I think they’re actually happy all they have to do is show up and sit there, not shell out any cash for a tux.  I think my one SIL is slightly offended but I don’t think the other one really cares.  I was in both of their weddings, though, so I do feel bad about it.  There are only one on each side for FI’s siblings, so it’s easier to include them… and we actually hang out with Future Sister-In-Law a lot (she’s my age so it’s nice).  It was definitely a difficult decision to make, though.

Post # 44
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Nope, definitely not.

Post # 45
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Personally, I think it’s better to err on the side of including people.  Is having her there going to ruin your day?  Probably not.  It might even help your relationship.  That said, it’s your choice and your wedding – you don’t have to ask her.  I don’t think it’s horrible to have your brother but not her, but just be prepared to deal with the fallout – it’s not like she isn’t going to notice.

I did not ask my half-sister to be a bridesmaid, because we aren’t super close (along with a bunch of other ugly blended family reasons).  I later learned that she was really disappointed.  If I’d tried to include her more, maybe we would have gotten to know each other better and be closer now.  If I were choosing again, I think I would have asked her.

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