(Closed) Not having my sister as a BM?

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do?
    Ask sister anyways : (3 votes)
    15 %
    Have an honest discussion with sister Re: why she isn't included : (3 votes)
    15 %
    Leave everything as is and deal with drama if/when it comes : (14 votes)
    70 %
  • Post # 4
    688 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @zoso90:  I didn’t really follow why the “cons” of having your FI’s brother in the wedding party have anything to do with asking your sister. It almost sounds like in your mind, asking her will saddle you with her issues AND the brother’s issues/pushiness, whereas these are two totally separate issues. Fiance is asking the brother anyway, right? So you just need to decide about your sister.


    I voted to have an honest discussion with her about why she’s not included – but focus on reasons about YOU (i.e., you’ve always wanted to ask X friend, or you are worried about logistical issues and need BMs who hve such-and-such amount of free time or can do X tasks for you, etc). I think this will go over the best if you try to find concrete reasons for not including her that are NOT necessarily negative qualities about your sister, so as not to hurt her feelings. 


    Edited to add: you might want to give her a special role, or simply stress to her how important it is to you that she be involved with your wedding and be in the special family photos, family events, etc. You could stress that you’d love to go dress shopping with her and pick out a special dress for her that will coordinate with the BM/MOH dresses, but that would suit her specifically (and maybe be more elegant or more to her taste). Essentially, I’m trying to say – can you find ways to make her feel special and included, but that won’t give her the possibility of ruining things if she chooses to be dramatic or negative? (i.e., the special dress-shopping trip could easily be nixed if she bails, and you’re not counting on her for anything critical like your BMs).




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