Post # 1
I am a bit worried about my biological clock. It’s not ticking at all. Granted, I am still young (early-mid 20’s), so maybe its not THAT weird. However, My mom seemed to think it was.
Mom made it very clear that the women in our family have known very young and have had children young (Mom at 23, but wanted them sooner; grandma at 15, Aunts at 17 and 20, etc). She thought it was odd that I had never had that moment of “I want a baby” at any point in my life yet. She did tell me that she’d be fine if I didn’t have children, that she could handle having a grand-dog, etc) but it felt phony.
I grew up with siblings who were terrible influences (jail, drugs, violence) and I said for years that I did not want children because I was afraid that my children would be that way. Now that I am in my “childbearing” years, engaged, and ready to be a wife I still do not hear that clock everyone talks about. I still haven’t had that maternal urge, and that makes me feel weird. I am scared that I will never have that urge and that I will either cause problems with me and my fiance if I never want to have children, or that I will end up having children just because it’s “what you do.” I WANT to want to have children. I know how important it is to my fiance, my family, his family, and our friends (well, eventually).
Does BC cause a delay in baby fever? Could I just be a late bloomer? For those older than me (30s +) did you “Know” when you were my age? How old were you when you felt the clock?
Post # 3
I don’t even know if I have a clock myself. I know that FH and I will only have a short time (well in my opinion) to have one child if at all. However, FH has two boys. If we don’t have any ourselves, they are more than enough! 🙂
Post # 4
@hecallsmelove: Right. I think my lack of urge for children may be made worse because I am an early childhood teacher. I am around toddlers and infants all day. I always heard that being around babies made you want them, but it has not happened for me yet.
Post # 5
@MissPatience: I think early mid 20s (I’m 23) is still early for the clock to be TICKING, but I definitely know I have a clock! I think it varies woman to woman!
Post # 6
I am 28, and my clock just started ticking. When I was your age, I had no interest in having kids. That being said, if you decide you do not want children at all and never feel that urge, you can be confident that you have made the right decision. There are a lot of women on these boards that are CFBC, and I totally respect it when couples do what is best for them and not what is “expected.” I will say that the closer FI and I get to marriage, the more baby fever we get. It isn’t because it is the logical “next step,” but because it is both something we really want and marriage is a step toward that journey.
Edit: So I totally just re-read your post and saw you want to want to have kids. Just wait until then. You have PLENTY of time. 🙂 Don’t let people pressure you in to being ready when you aren’t.
Post # 7
First, I don’t think that your “biological clock” is hereditary. Just because your mom and others in your family had it early, doesn’t mean you should. Times are very different now!
I think time will tell. Mine comes and goes…I’m definitely not there yet!
Post # 8
You can’t just want to want to have children. You need to work out whether children are for you or not. There is no shame in not wanting children. There are a lot of us that that don’t out there.
Wanting children just because you feel obligated, pressured or because its expected isn’t a good reason to bring a child into the world. You need to work out if children are what you really want. Maybe read some differing blogs- some from fed up mothers, some from happy mums and some from childfree by choice women. Get all the facts and work out what is right for you.
And be honest with your partner- this is a big thing for your partner as well and it is unfair to wake up in 10 years and tell your partner that you don’t want kids. If you are honest- even if it is to say that you are not 100% sure you will ever want kids- your partner can make an informed decision.
Post # 9
It’s a generational thing.
The average age of 1st childbirth in women these days is mid-20s….and that of course is skewed by teen “oops” babies. You’re not weird. Honestly, I think it’s much healthier that you are waiting until later to have a kid.
Post # 10
I’m 41 and actively TTC (and working damn hard at it), but I don’t know if I have a bio clock. Sometimes I wonder if I would be just as happy with another cat. My decision to have a child came less from a ticking clock and more from a realization that in a few years my current life would not be enough. There is only so much travel and ‘fun’ things you can spend money on. At some point I wanted my life to be about more than just me.
I say that to mean, you may never have a ticking bio clock telling you it’s time. But at some point you will realizes that you want something more in life. But you may also realize that having kids is just not for you (I know lots of teachers that love kids, but have remained childless because they want to enjoy their off hours). But until you get to that point in your life (and you have many years til you have to ‘worry’ about getting KU), enjoy what you have now–live to the fullest, travel and do all things you want to do.
Post # 11
@j_jaye: This exactly.
I would definitely discuss this with your SO. This is a huge life decision, and you don’t want to mislead him (even unintentionally). You may find that you do in fact want children, but honesty (about your current confusion) is always best. Personally, I’m CBC, and I told Darling Husband (then BF) within our first week of dating. The decision to have/not have kids is huge, and you deserve the support of your partner as you try to make this decision for yourself.