- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2010
Ok, I’m going to throw this out there as my own personal experience/opinion. Do with it what you will. I can’t help but notice a lot of ladies putting an incredible amount of time & energy into (frankly) obsessing about how to “get” their men to propose. (Your friends must be incredibly tolerant to keep hearing that over & over).
Many years ago, I used to fixate on men who were emotionally unavailable. It doesn’t matter why. What matters is what my then-therapist once told me–that I had a problem hearing the “no.”
Nice guys don’t want to hurt or disappoint women they care about. So they avoid just straight out saying “no.” They make excuses, blame their work, or other external circumstances. Anything but say “no”.
And they surely will do or say danged near anything to stop one of our rants once we get going.
I think that happens sometimes with Waiting Bees. It seems like I read the same story over & over again with different names. Been with bf X amount of time & obsessing about him & the future. BF is well aware our Bee wants to marry him. He says he wants the same thing but has any number of reasons why he can’t commit right now. He needs more money, his truck broke down, his dog has fleas, the Mayan calendar says the world will end in 2012 . . .
Anything. I have no doubt sometimes they are being honest & they want to accomplish some goal or another before they propose.
But, other times, seriously, ladies, you are not hearing the “no.”
If a man loves you & wants to marry you, he will go to the ends of the earth to make it happen.
It was really hard for me & painful, but I had to finally learn to hear “no” when it wasn’t being said directly. The best way to do that is to put little faith in words & focus on actions.
At the same time, I needed to learn to take better care of myself & focus on my own life.