Not in brother's wedding and am hurt, help please!

posted 3 months ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
9694 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

theresabow :  this is really exhausting. it’s probably not reciprocated exactly. They’re younger boys. You’re the older sister. Of course you give a little more or differently. Why are you keeping track of who gives what no why and festering over open wounds, picking at them until they bleed and you can feel even worse? 

Back to your constant life theme of dissatisfaction and being left out- what are you doing to make yourself feel better? 

Are you going to therapy? Have you joined any groups to meet friends? Is your husband still being disrespectful of you? If so, what are you doing about that? 

All of these things you expect from other people in your life while letting your husband off the hook for everything are a bit warped. Your husband should be reciprocating your love, not your brother. 

There is one constant in all of these interactions. You. 

Look at your post history. You’re often upset over being left out. If you don’t address yourself, this is just going to go on and on, driving people away from you and thereby becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Read this post from the beginning. What have you gotten out of it? What have you seen differently? Nothing, except maybe they have a reason for their choice. But you have not shifted off of your victim position. 

It’s fine to vent about hurt feelings,but you never stop the vent. You aren’t doing anything to help yourself. You’re not a victim. You’re a willing participant at this point. Your choice. 

 

 

 

Post # 63
Member
1029 posts
Bumble bee

theresabow :  saying beast in that context isn’t an insult, it’s a compliment. She means you go hard, again that sounds aggressive but it’s hard to convey to someone who doesn’t get that dialect. It just means you can do something that is intense and physically exerting. There seems to be a language or cultural barrier between the two of you that is leading to some misunderstandings. 

Post # 65
Member
1852 posts
Buzzing bee

theresabow :  

I disagree with the comments I have read. If you are that close to your brother that he showed you the ring before he proposed, i would definitely talk to him about it. I would flat out ask why I wasn’t included and tell him you are surprised and hurt. I wouldn’t force my way in, but you are only going to feel resentful as the day gets closer, especially if you don’t say something. You don’t have to make a huge federal deal about it, but definitely talk to him.

*Just read your update 🙂 …glad it is all working out! 

Post # 66
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My brother and I are super close but I know that I would not be chosen as a bridesmaid by his GF if they get married. That’s just how it works; your OP does not indicate that you are great friends with your brother’s fiance – if this is the case then you should not be surprised if you are not as involved as you would like. I’mglad it’s going to work out for you in some ways! It’s good of them to include the kids too. Continue to be supportive and have fun at the wedding. 

Post # 69
Member
816 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

theresabow :  well for you to be a bridesmaid the responsibility for your child is passed to someone else and it’s understandable that your mom would rather focus on her sons wedding rather than babysit your child so that you can stand about in matching dresses with the other girls.

Post # 70
Member
2377 posts
Buzzing bee

theresabow :  Why would your mother watch your children during the ceremony and not your husband? 

Post # 71
Member
5191 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

theresabow :  “but my mom didn’t want to watch the kids during the ceremony so she told them not to have me in it so I can watch my kids and sit with my husband.”

What? Why would your mother be watching your kids when your husband (otherwise known as their father!) is right there?

Post # 72
Member
3330 posts
Sugar bee

Does your mother often interfere in your life this way? Does she understand the situation she caused?

And, as PPs asked, why did she assume she would end up having to watch your children?

 

Post # 75
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, Hants, UK

I’m sorry your mom interfered like that! That was selfish of her. But I’m glad you know now why you weren’t asked, so hopefully that makes you feel better.

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