(Closed) Not in her wedding, should I ask her to be mine?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ask her if you WANT her in your wedding, don’t ask her if you don’t! Don’t worry about what she chose for her own BMs– it sounds like she values your friendship and just had her own desires about a small bridal party.

Now, it really MIGHT be too big a financial and stress burden right before her own wedding. With that in mind I would maybe just have an honest talk with her– say that you’d love to have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but if she feels like it’s too much to take on you understand.

I think if you’re close enough that she explained to you why she didn’t ask you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and you really want her, you shouldn’t decide not to ask her just because you think it’s weird or assume she’d say no. That might actually hurt her feelings because she wouldn’t know why.

Post # 4
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@xskittles:  two different weddings, two different budgets, two different lives.

Ask her. She’s one of your best friends!  

Post # 5
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@xskittles:  I feel like when your friend said this, not only was she explaining her reasoning to you, but possibly also to hint to you that you should’t ask her to be in yours seeing as how it is a large financial obligation, and like you mentioned, she’s on a very tight budget.


Can you include her in the wedding by doing a reading?



Post # 6
9654 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Ask her! Whether or not you are in her wedding should have NO bearing on whether you ask her to be in yours! She can always say no if she doesn’t feel like she can do it budgetary wise.

Post # 7
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I have the opposite problem. I was in my friends wedding and I couldn’t ask her to be in mine as I have too many bridesmaids who are family and can’t be cut out. Now she is offended. I think go ahead and ask her. If she won’t be able to do it financially she can always decline.

Post # 8
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ask her and be very up front about what, if any, expenses she’d have.   

if you really want her to be a bridesmaid and think money will be an issue for her, then maybe make it a non-issue by saying that pro hair/makeup won’t be required and that the dress will be under a certain amount or that she won’t have to buy an official bridesmaid dress as long as she wears a dress in a certain range of tones/colors that’s a certain style.

if you are going to ask her to pay for hair/makeup or a bridesmaid dress that’s over a certain price, then don’t get your feelings hurt if she can’t do it.

Post # 9
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t think so.  Everyone has different visions for their wedding.  I had a lot more people I wanted to include than my fiance, so I ended up choosing 5 honorary bridesmaids in addition to my 3 bridesmaids (the honorary bridesmaids are being honored, but don’t have to invest in any of the expenses of being a bridesmaids).  One of my honorary bridesmaids is getting married too, and isn’t having anyone stand up or being recognized in anyway, and that makes sense for her.  Your wedding sounds like it is a different sort of wedding from hers, and that’s definitely ok.  I do think you should ask her in a way, where she could turn it down without feeling like she was offending you.  As you know, planning a wedding is expensive, and she might be worried about additional expenses.  

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