Not in love with engagement ring, help

posted 5 days ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@sunnybug:  Has he explained why he decided against the original plan to give a a stand in? I’m sorry, I would talk to him again especially given that he wasn’t supposed to purchase the actual ring. Can we see the ring? 

Post # 4
Member
7462 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I guess I’d be angry in his position, too, given that you waited a year to say anything. Clearly the return period is long over, so the money he invested is essentially gone unless the jeweler he purchased it through will allow an exchange. Do you expect him to buy you a new one now? If you wanted something different, you should have spoken up immediately and referenced the plan the two of you had made. 

Post # 5
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@sunnybug:  It’s a pretty ring but definitely has to be your style, is it possible for him to upgrade it where he purchased it, maybe you can offer to pay the difference?

Post # 6
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee

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@sunnybug:  Is there a setting that would feel more suitable? If it’s affordable, you could broach the idea of resetting it into a different setting and adding a gemstone to the original setting.

Post # 9
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@sunnybug:  That sucks but if it’s been a year, you won’t grow to love it. Tell him again how happy you were that he asked and thought you’d grow to love it. He got you a ring HE liked, obviously he thought you’d like it but he didn’t really take you into account. I’m guilty of this at times, I buy things that I would love for other people, it’s hard not to, but this is something you’re supposed to wear forever, good luck and keep us posted!!!!

Post # 10
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

For what it is worth, I LOVE your ring. I am a total sucker for double halos, my future engagement ring that is currently being designed will be one 🙂  

 

That being said, I know that it definately is not everyone’s style, I think it is a love/hate thing. Anyways, You have lots of stones and a beautiful centre stone to work with, why don’t you and your fiance go to a private local jeweller and talk about getting it melted down and reworked into a new set? I am no jeweller, but I see posts about bees doing that all the time. 

Post # 11
Member
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It’s a pretty ring but yea I can see where if it is not your style you wouldn’t want to wear it. Maybe he would be open to using the stones and making something else? It’s really frustrating that he changed his plan! 

Post # 12
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

That’s a tough situation, bee. I feel there’s not much you can do without him being on board with it, otherwise I think it’ll cause more problems and conflict. 

What kind of ring would you have wanted? A solitaire? You could take the center stone out and put it in a really simple setting for a few hundred I think at a local jeweler. I feel the unfortunate thing with the double halo is that a lot more money probably went into that setting compared to getting a plain solitaire. 

another option is you pick out something you like for your wedding band, maybe an eternity band? And just wear that alone after the wedding. I think a decent number of people only wear their wedding band after marriage that it wouldn’t be weird. Won’t solve the issue of having an engagement ring you like, but could be a compromise to smooth the situation over. 

i always thought this ring thing was pretty frustrating… a guy buys a VERY EXPENSIVE piece of jewelry (relative to most other gifts), and the woman is SUPPOSED TO love it, even if they had no say in picking it out. and wear it every day for the rest of their life and if they don’t like it makes them a bad person/ungrateful/bad wife. 

i don’t buy it. And tbh, I’m actually in the process of resetting my ring because I didn’t love the setting. I also waited a long time before really taking any action about it, but I think we both knew I wasn’t in love with the setting from the start. My husband didn’t mind though and said I should have something I like to wear every day.  The cost to reset to something I liked was pretty small anyway and we kept the old setting for sentimental reasons. 

let us know what you both decide! 

edit: 

maybe… you could pick out a wedding band you like and then ‘realize’ that it won’t work with the double halo ring and be really sad about it….. then you could use that as an ‘excuse’ to change the setting and get a ‘matching set’. Don’t know if that would work, but may require less conflict than dealing with ” I don’t like this ring you lovingly picked out’ 

Post # 13
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee

That’s a pretty specific look, he picked there.  I’ll admit, it’s not my cup of tea.
 

Very curious why he deviated from the original plan to propose with a temporary ring. Maybe he got suckered in by a sale or a chance to buy this one at a very attractive price?  

I don’t know what styles you had in mind, but maybe it could be reworked.  I think I’d like it better as a double or single halo on a plain band, then maybe the stones in the band could be made into an eternity band for a wedding ring, or earrings? 

Post # 14
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Yikes….. 

This is a tough one…. 

In one hand he went totally opposite of what he said he was going to do, so that’s not really fair and on the other you waited a very long time to fully bring it up to him . . . I guess at this point you would need to talk to him and maybe bring up the fact that you had thought you would get some say based off the plan you 2 put in place from the beginning, and that you really just want something that you’ll be in love with since you’re going to be wearing it all the time. It’s unfortunate that he got mad, but maybe explaining it in a manner that he realizes that he completely cut you out of the decision when you were supposed to be involved .. maybe he’ll be more receptive… but if he continues to be angry… I’m not sure what to do in that situation…. and there probably would be a deeper issue that would need to be resolved if that were the case.

 

Post # 15
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee

If it were me I’d just take the center diamond and put it in a plain setting and wear it as a solitaire.  It’s a pretty ring but I like simple rings so that’s just me.

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