Post # 1
I always said I wouldn’t be the girl who cared about material stuff. But I look at my ring and sometimes I want to cry. It’s not me. I mean it’s pretty but it’s just not me and to make it worse my cousin has the exact same one. How do I get over the disappointment? I know it’s not the ring that matters but the man, and I do love him. If I honestly had to choose over a having a ring or having him, I would choose him. But I still just get so sad about it. Please advise me on how to love the ring that supposed to describe how unique our love is.
Post # 3
@Unique, the same exact thing happened to me. 🙁 Fiance proposed with a beautiful, yet so common, three stone ring. I was really disappointed, not in the size, but just that everywhere I turned, someone had the same exact ring as me. It just wasn’t my style. I never said anything until we shopped for wedding bands, about 8 months after our engagement. I couldn’t find a band that I liked with my e-ring, and I ended up admitting to Fiance that I didn’t even like the e-ring at all. He was disappointed, and a bit angry, but we ended up having the diamonds re-set into a ring that I just love. It”s actually less tcw, but I don’t care, becase it’s unique and perfect and totally “me”. Fiance is happier to know that I’m in LOVE with my ring. I wish you lots of luck!!!!! You’ll know what the right decision is for you and your Fiance
Post # 4
My ring is very simple and very similar to my future sister-in-laws. I was a little bummed when I noticed this, but once we went shopping for wedding bands I realized I could change the whole look of my ring. There are so many differnent options when it comes to wedding bands! I would go into a few stores and try some different things on with your e-ring. I tried on one band and fell in love with my ring all over again and I knew it was the one. If all else fails, you can have it re-set.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School
You took the words right out of my mouth…
It sucks but unless you’re willing to risk upsetting your fiance by asking to change the setting, there’s not much else you can do except try to find parts that you love about it…I will say that I actually like mine a LOT more with my wedding band, so that will help…I did talk to FH finally but he’s in school with no money to change the setting, so that will have to wait…But it was mostly me expressing my disappointment that he didn’t really listen to any of the things I said I wanted/liked and didn’t put much sentimentality or effort into picking out the ring…
It’s totally upsetting when you’re disappointed with your ring and I could have literally written word for word what you wrote (except my ring is a copy of FH’s best friend’s wife’s ring, not my cousin…)
Post # 6
I’d talk to him about it. Keep the stones, have it et in something you like. Tell him it bugs you that your ring is JUST LIKE your cousins’ and you just want something more unique. I can completely relate b/c i was VERY very adamant about not wanting a solitaire (everybody i know IRL has one. Every. Single. Person). Yes, it makes it tougher to ring shop, but in the end, it’s worth having something you absolutely love on your hand. If it makes you cry, talk to him. He has to be a big boy about it. He bought you something pretty but you don’t like it! I dunno, I speak up about this kind of stuff. DH doesn’t take it personally; it’s not that I don’t like HIM, it’s that we do not have the same taste.
But yeah, wedding bands can really change the look of a ring. Mine looks WAY better (IMO) with two diamond bands. Before, i was always noticing that my center stone wasn’t big enough to be showcased–i have a really wide setting and since we bought the pieces separately, it wasn’t something we noticed until it was all together. And even then, I didn’t want to bring it up like it wasn’t “big enough” for me. In reality it IS the width to width ratio, but we aren’t made of money! But really, the two wedding bands just makes me forget about it. Very complementary. And, like I told DH, that’s waht “big” anniversaries are for, when we’re making big bucks down the road =]
Post # 7
I’m sorry ;-(. Did your fiance know it was the same as your cousins ring?
Post # 8
Agree with all of the above but want to add that the ring isn’t supposed to be a symbol of how unique your love is. That is just insane pressure we’ve made up and put on it. It’s merely a symbol that you’ve agreed to marry your love and thus only truly relevant till you marry and get a wedding band. If wearing it doesn’t make you happy, why not take it off and just wear the wedding band after the wedding? Lots of people do that. And with time you can buy as many pretty rings as you like and wear them on any finger you like. Nothing is set in stone. 🙂
Post # 9
I have the same problem. Except the ring was FIs grandma’s ring, so there’s o hope of getting a different one. I talked to him about minor changes instead, like having it plated with white gold instead of yellow and maybe upgrading the stone for an anniversary. Would something like that make your more “you” or does it need a total rehaul?
Post # 10
@Arachna – I agree with your sentiments about the pressure we put on ourselves to have the dream ring! I do have to say that I think her Fiance might be miffed if she just stopped wearing the ring after the wedding – those diamonds cost a pretty penny and to take off your e-ring without explanation might alarm him a bit!
My thought is that if you really want to address it, just have it reset like the above posters suggested. You don’t have phrase it as a negative – i.e., I don’t like this ring…maybe present it as, ‘I love this ring but I’ve always dreamed of X’. Or give it time and see if it grows on you!
Post # 11
Circus Peanut, maybe. But many women take off the ring for gym or when they have children, or when their lives just aren’t compatible with a diamond ring, she could just mention that it’s been catching on everything… As long as she’s wearing her wedding bad I think most guys wouldn’t be too alarmed. But yes absolutely, if she can reset it into something she loves without it being a big deal for him that would be the best solution.
Post # 12
You should talk to your Fiance. I beleive in honesty. Now that doesn’t mean that you say things like “I hate it” I don’t like it” and “I want to cry when I look at it”
It’s all about the approach. I think that without saying those things you can still explain to him that this is very hard for you to talk about because you are really sensative to his feeling. you don’t want to hurt him, yet you have to be honest and admit that you had really imagined a differnt ring. Start the conversationand see what happens. Cosidering how much money a ring costs…and the emotion connected to it…I would bet that your Fiance would want you to love your ring. If he knew how you felt…he wouldn’t like that. And if he really loves you…he wouldn’t want you to lie to spare his feelings. He would want you to be honest so that he really can make you happy. Plus..you will have to get a wedding ring. You don’t want to further invest in this ring by picking a wedding ring that matches a ring you don’t like and will want to change some day anyways
It’s hard…but I think honestly is the best policy. Your honey would not want you to be miserable just so you could protect his feelings
Post # 13
I think it depends on your level of disappointment. If you really dislike the style and it’s not just that it wasn’t your 1st choice I would talk to him about it. You shouldn’t have to wear a ring you really dislike, especially when you told Fiance what you wanted. Keep in mind that when you talk to him if he has a reason for buying that ring instead of what you wanted, your argument might get squashed.
If you want encouragement for looking beyond the ring, I would say that think about how your Fiance felt when he decided to buy it and when he went through the purchase process (minus not listening to you). He was and is excited to marry you. If your Fiance loves the ring, then remind yourself of that every time you look at it and smile.
I feel like a brat b/c I helped pick out my ring and still had 2nd thoughts about it after we got engaged. I guess I imagined the 6-prong setting being lower and everyone around me has a 4 prong set low which makes their 1.5 carat diamonds look just as big as my 2.1! I got caught up in the idea of changing it for about 5 seconds until I saw the sadness on FI’s face. He was hurt b/c he put his heart and soul into picking the diamond and setting and he loves it so much. I felt like such a jerk and I tell him all the time now how much I love it (which I do!).
Post # 14
I’m an encore bride and my ring is the same cut as the one that my ex had given me. My Fiance went and picked it out on his own with no discussion about it. He’s old school and thinks of the ring as a present from the man. But now, every time I look at it, I am reminded of the ex. I’m trying to think of a way to approach the subject with my Fiance this weekend.
Post # 15
I can understand being bummed out about this. There’s so much pressure for a couple to have an e-ring that fits an acceptable social ideal that we’ve set culturally. Size, uniqueness, all these qualities are weighed in to whether a ring is “good enough” or “special enough”. That aside, the important thing about the ring is that, well, YOU have to at least LIKE it, and hopefully love it. You’re wearing the thing every day, so it should be a piece of jewelry that you enjoy looking at. If not, it doesn’t matter how big/ small or artistic/ average the ring is. My diamond is modest compared to some but I love the way it sparkles, that it belonged to my Mom at one time, and the setting is something I picked that suits my style perfectly. If Fiance had chosen the setting, it may have been a simple yellow gold 4-prong and I would be crying everytime I loked at it! of course, no offense to those who may have that style… it’s just not me 🙂