(Closed) Not including HIS sisters?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Are his sisters automatic bridesmaids?
    Yes. It would be insulting to not include them. Have 9 maids! : (10 votes)
    14 %
    There is no rule stating you must include his sisters. 9 maids is too many! : (58 votes)
    81 %
    I have a better idea, stated below... : (4 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5788 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think you are obligated to make his sisters bridesmaids as long as they are somehow involved in the ceremony. I think large bridal parties look ridiculous in pictures.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1940 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Both my family and my FI’s family view our wedding as a time to bring together our families.  Basically their view is that family will always be with you but friends change through the years.  I have 1 sister and my Fiance doesn’t have a sister, so I am just having my sister and cousin for the Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man.  However, my Fiance is including my brother, but as an usher instead of a Groomsmen.  It seems like a good compromise.  You have the make the decision that’s right for you, but keep in mind that his sisters will always be there (hopefully your friends will be too, but a lot of time friendships change with time), and if they feel slighted, they may hold a grudge.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I don’t think you need to include HIS sisters. Ur bms IMO are girls who have gone thru a lot with you and will be there for you.  I say pick ur friends n sisters and his sisters will just need to understand yes you are going to be family but they have more history and memories with you.

    Post # 6
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    My Fiance has 1 sister and I’m not including her. I just don’t think that anyone “should” be a bridesmaid. Your BMs should be people you WANT to be there because you’re close. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee

    I have a similar viewpoint as @EvaBostonTerrier, that weddings are about uniting families.  I would give your friends another role (like doing a reading, or just being there to get ready with you the morning of), and having all-family bridal parties.  If you want a point of comparison, look at your parents’ wedding photos and ask about who was in the wedding party and their relationship with each person now.  That might be kind of fun anyways!

    Post # 8
    Member
    38 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I have always felt that bridesmaids should be people who will be in your life FOREVER. That being said, I would include only your’s and his sisters. This way, you will get started off on the right foot with his family and you can still include your friends in other ways. Have them wear a specific color dress, make them a corsage or brooch, they can help out with other things like the guestbook, and they will still be involved in the showers and such!

    Post # 9
    Member
    655 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    I think as long as you involve the 9 Bridesmaid or Best Man candidates in a meaningful way in your wedding, you’d be set. If one of them plays music, have them play at your ceremony. Assign a couple to be your readers.

    As for whether or not to include his sisters, ask him what he wants. Maybe there is 1 sister he is particularly close to that’d he like to have stand up with you two.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1288 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union

    I don’t think it’s necessary to do this. You may not be friends with your bridesmaids forever, but currently, they’re the most important women in your life. I think that’s worth honoring.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1645 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    The bride picks the bridesmaids and the groom picks the groomsmen. It’s just how it is, and siblings aren’t always included. You should pick the people that you really want to stand next to you when you get married. Just because he has sisters doesn’t mean they have to be your bridesmaids.

    I have two sisters and three brothers, Fiance has one brother. My two sisters and his brother are up there with us. My brothers didn’t automatically get to be groomsmen.

    If you’re including them in the ceremony, you should be fine. I don’t see why people think his sisters should be included over people you have known a long time and are very close with. Stick to your guns, try to make his sisters feel included and special, and don’t worry about it!

    Post # 10
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have to agree with those who have suggested that you only include your sisters and his.  His family is clearly upset by being excluded and you don’t want to start off your relationship with them this way.  Your friends should understand that family comes first and that they can be involved in different ways.  I would have been crushed if I had not been asked to be a bridesmaid in my brother’s wedding.  Good Luck!

    Post # 11
    Member
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    The first question you absolutely have to ask yourself if what is your relationship with them like. Don’t include them just to make everyone happy.

    I went back and forth about this for months and I finally decided that I wanted to do the right thing and include his sisters in my wedding. I has been the biggest nightmare and is the biggest source of stress and tears in my wedding planning. In the beginning I tried to share the details of my wedding with them and they snapped on me about everything, for example they hated the flowers I’m using and had a fit that I was giving our godparents corsages. So I decided not to share any more about the wedding. So then it came time for dress shopping. They refused to go shopping and said they didn’t care and then they wouldn’t pay for the dress I picked. So their mother gave me a check and their measurements ( I should add that they are not kids and are in their 30’s). Lastly they tried to ruin my wedding shower. So much for doing the right thing since they voiced how badly they wanted to be in the wedding.

    Sorry for the vent, I just wanted to try to get across how you need to do what is right for you. If you do have a good relationship with them then just try to include them in someway, like readings and carrying gifts (if you are getting married in a church).

    One final thing to think of, is Fiance including any of your family on his side.

    Post # 11
    Member
    14185 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    You don’t HAVE to include them. that IS a lot of bridesmaids. What does he think? If my brother were alive, we would have probably had him stand on DH’s side and his sister on my side. However, i wasn’t really comfortable having her stand on my side if my brother couldn’t stand on his side, so we had her stand on HIS side. After all, it’s his sister and it looked really cute that way. I”ve been to 3 weddings now that have done this. So, if he wants to include his sisters, I say he include them as HIS attendants.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think the custom of asking girls you aren’t close to to be bridesmaids is kind of terrible.  I look at it as a heart’s decision and IMO obligation shouldn’t be allowed to interfer with decisions of the heart.  🙂  To be waay sentimental.  I’m all about compromise with the guest list for example but not the ceremony.

    If he wants his sisters there he should ask them to be groomswomen.

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