(Closed) Not interested in the wedding, just engagement/marriage

posted 10 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2891 posts
Sugar bee

Did I just black out, log in as another user, and write that post? 🙂 I feel EXACTLY the same way. I don’t care about the party. I just want to be married to him. He’s all traditional and wants the big wedding. I wouldn’t read into it too much. It’s just a personal preference. That’s like saying that just because you’d like a birthday card but not a big party means that you need validation for aging. The size or existance of a wedding bash does not indicate whether or not your intentions are shallow or honorable.

Don’t worry. Your feelings are normal. 🙂

Post # 4
1459 posts
Bumble bee

I’m actually kind of with you on this.  I’m not interested in a big ceremony.  I just want to start our lives together.  I’ve told SO that we are not spending thousands of dollars because to me it’s not about the wedding its about the marriage! I’d be completely ok with a ceremony in a small church with only immediate family.

Post # 5
335 posts
Helper bee

@Reign14: “HE wants the big day with family and all that (probably because HE doesn’t have to plan it).” if he wants the big day, i’d say let HIM go at it! then he’ll realize why you don’t want to bother with all that stress. XD

i’d like the chance to celebrate with my family, but after reading about all the little things that go into so many weddings, i just want something simple.

with my parent’s wedding, my mom wanted a small, intimate ceremony and my dad wanted a big celebration with everyone he ever met. my dad won, but afterwards he admitted to my mom that they should have gone the small wedding direction instead. knowing how much like them i am, i’m pretty sure a big event would just drive me nuts.

Post # 6
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I feel the exact same way!  I used to want a wedding, but I guess I’m kinda over it now.  I blame it on having waited so long that I no longer feel the need to celebrate.  After 8 years, everyone basically knows we’re a forever thing, why make a big deal out of it now?

If anything, I think its a good sign.  You’re not looking for the big me-me-me pretty princess party, you’re looking forward to AFTER the big party, when you’ll be married to your guy!

Post # 7
7767 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it is good to want the marriage not the wedding.  The marriage is the important part, not the party or celebration.

Post # 8
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Before I got engaged, I thought I would be totally excited about the planning for the wedding.  I once had a “nightmare” while waiting that we were at our wedding, and everything came together very smoothly, so I had no planning to do.  I remember waking up, and being completely upset.  Now, I look back, and think how wonderful that would be in real life.  While I still look foward to the wedding day, I get jealous of other brides whose days are actually here, because I’m more looking foward to the after part, being married to my Fiance.  Five more months, I can do this!

Post # 9
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I was the same, I just wanted to be married to my guy. Luckily DH was on the same page as me and just wanted a small ceremony with only people we were close to. Even so, I hated planning the damn thing. We said, “f*ck it, let’s elope” about a dozen times, but we knew we would regret it on some level, so we soldiered on.

I have to say, it was totally worth it. It was such a joyful day, and everyone was so happy for us. Being married is amazing, but I’m glad I got to enjoy being a bride. And I’m sure you will too!

Post # 10
229 posts
Helper bee

100% on the same wavelength as you! (Although in addition to ring and the commitment, I’d also like a fabulous cake out of it, lol.) As claireos said, I think a lot of it comes down to personal preference. I’m just hoping that friends, family, and co-workers will be understanding of the fact that I want a minimal wedding. I feel like the outside expectation is for weddings to be over the top– and for the bride to want that. 

Post # 11
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’m with you on this as well…yeah it does seem kind of nice to have our family and friends there but my dream wedding has always been: beach and us two 🙂 my SO wants the big more traditional wedding. 

Post # 13
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Same here. This was how I felt even before all the drama that’s happened since we’ve gotten engaged. Now I have kind of stopped caring. As long as we’re married at the end of the day I don’t really want to plan the big huge wedding. 

Post # 14
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I kinda agree here, I just want to get to the part where we wake up next to each other for the rest of our lives. But I am looking forward to the actual planning of the wedding… cause I’m one of those planning types. Which is why waiting for the proposal and not knowing when it will be is killing me lol.

Post # 15
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I also felt exactly the same way… the wedding itself just didn’t feel important to me, a little more for my fiance, and I felt it was happening mostly because of pressure from family members…. But we had a small, about £5000 wedding, only thing we splurged on was a band.  We kept it simple so that there was very little room for anything to go wrong, yet it was very personal, there were still loads of family members, everyone had a great time and we had compliments from many people. I had honestly been dreading the day up until then, but then it felt so personal and “us” that it did feel worth it in the end.


Post # 16
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I know just how you feel. I would love to elope, just the two of us, to somewhere romantic. Spend a few lovely days together, come home married.

He wants a big party, even though we really don’t know that many people. Any wedding we have will be mostly family, and his family is not only larger than mine, but, age-wise, is also much older than mine. I feel like loud music and inappropriate dancing might not go over too well with the elderly set, especially if they make up the majority of our guests.

Also, we have terrible luck planning parties, Mostly because we have a lot of acquaintances and very few close friends. Intimate celebrations are much more on our level, but for some reason he thinks the wedding should be different.

And of course, a bigger wedding will take longer to plan… sigh. I just want to be his wife. I don’t care about the party!

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