(Closed) Not interested in the wedding, just engagement/marriage

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

dp

Post # 18
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee

I feel this way too. I’m glad I’m not the only one because I’ve been feeling like an oddball lately for not wanting to plan a big party!

I used to want a big wedding when I was younger, but I’m a late in life bride (late 40s!) and right now I just want to close the deal, get the rings on our fingers, and get that little piece of paper that says we are legal.

Besides, I am a teacher and I am so busy at work right now. Usually I work at least 10 or 12 hour days. I couldn’t even think of planning a wedding right now.,

I will have my hands full with packing up my apartment and moving in with him during my two week Christmas break. That’s all I can handle right now. We’ll get married at Christmas — maybe at the courthouse? — I have a feeling we’ll talk about that this weekend when he comes over. Maybe later, next summer when I’m on summer vacation, I can plan a small celebration of our marriage, such as a renewal of the vows. We’ll see.

Post # 19
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I am right there with you! I’m not excited about wedding planning at all… However, I am excited about being his wife! As you can see from the comments, I think we all feel like this from time to time. It’s totally normal. ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 20
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

It can be stressful to plan an entire wedding. The best advice I have for you is if you have people that are willing to help then delegate to them. Mom, aunts, firnds, wedding party. They could be a huge help and stress reliever if you let them!!

Post # 21
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@Reign14: Ditto again. His friends come from well off, family money families and all had weddings in the 50-100K range that he attended and he’s gotten in his head that that’s what he wants. Unfortunately I come from the opposite of family money. ๐Ÿ™‚ I think the stress of going into that kind of debt, or just draining our life savingsl iike that would give me a stroke. If I had my way we’d get married in the courthouse by the water, go to happy hour, head to Baltimore and get wined and dined at our favorite restaurant for 4 hours. Potentially with no guests. ๐Ÿ˜›

Are you my long lost twin? ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 22
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My newly engaged friend called me “debbie downer” because I was super excited for her when she got engaged, but then the next day I started telling her how HORRIBLE the wedding planning process is and basically popping her engagement bubble. I felt bad, but hey, I felt she should be warned. I don’t have a single married friend that said the planning process was fun or even enjoyable. So don’t worry. I too am dying to just be married and be done with this whole planning stage!

Post # 23
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

wow! i’ve been feeling the same way! our original plan was to have our own private ceremony at city hall, and we would be married. but after telling our parents, my fiance was somehow swayed into having this huge wedding thing. we’re asian, and asian weddings are huge and 3 days long. i just want the marriage.

don’t get me wrong, i’ve always loved weddings. just not my peoples’ kind. i’ve always pictured mine to be more intimate, if i were to have one. and if i didn’t get it, i simply wouldn’t want one. i didn’t want to be forced into have an asian wedding.

with that said, we’ve compromised i suppose. a little bit of both. we’re actually set to have our city hall ceremony in 2 weeks and we are having our wedding in boston next september with family and close friends. =D

Post # 24
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I feel the exact same way! I wanted to elope to Scotland with our parents but he says that he owes it to his friends to have a big wedding. Well he’s going to owe it to us when it costs $20k and we have to pay for it all! Once we get engaged and the budget talk starts, I’m hoping he’ll change his mind and we can try to keep it small. 

Post # 25
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If it were up to me we’d go to city hall with our immediate families. Totally agree!

It’s him who claims to want the big wedding, I think just because he feels it’s expected. Neither of us are big into being the center of attention (me especially), so it seems a little torturous to have that many people watching something so intimate/personal.

Post # 26
Member
815 posts
Busy bee

I just want the ring and the committment.

Same here. I’d rather have a small wedding with close family and friends.

Post # 27
Member
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rosehill Community Center

I waver between feeling like this, and then thinking about diy-ing things and enjoying planning.  I looooove planning things, and over-plan everything, but then the thought of spending so much money on less than half a day freaks me out.  I can’t justify it! And the idea of having everyone that matters close by on that important day is awesome, but I hate being the center of attention so I also don’t want it.  I think a smaller affair would be ideal, but still such a hassle and such a time and money suck, when what really matters is the day, week, month, and years afterwards.  It’s hard to find a comfortable center.

Post # 28
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the above, the marriage is what I am after! The engagement would mean a lot as it means I am the right track towards it, the wedding is only the start of the marriage journey!

I’m excited just thinking about it – being married to the man I love most in the world!

Post # 29
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I was initially excited to plan a wedding, but now that we’re closer to that becoming a reality, I’m kind of feeling a little freaked out by how much planning is actually involved!

I say come to some sort of compromise between relaxed and “big” – Invite the people you guys really want there, have a ceremony and meal, but don’t worry too much about it being fancy or elaborate. It’s important that you remember this is a happy occasion – one that should feel like ‘you’.

Also, I like the PP’s idea of enlisting the help of your Fiance – that could take a load off.

Post # 31
Member
10452 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m kind of the same way… We will have a pretty long engagement, probably close to 2 years. I have never been the girl to care about colors, themes, favors, etc. I consider that all a waste of money (no offense to anyone)! I will be happy to be married and all I want is a fun party to celebrate with family and friends, but without spending a ridiculous amount of money. I can think of millions of things I’d rather buy or spend it on than one day!

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