(Closed) Not Invited- Should I be mad?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That is rude, but I wouldn’t worry much about it.  At least you don’t have to suffer through it or buy her a gift.  Are you on friendly terms with the bride? 

Post # 4
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i wouldn’t let it bother you too much; but i do think it’s kind of weird that she didn’t invite you… even if she’s not close to you… it’s weird that your hubs is in the wedding as best man, and you not invited to the shower?

Post # 5
Member
74 posts
Worker bee

It’s a little rude, but to play devil’s advocate, maybe the bride just didn’t think to invite you (if she doesn’t know you well, it’s possible) – there’s a lot of stress with wedding planning and sometimes things just slip through the cracks.  Or yes, perhaps she doesn’t like you.  Who knows?  Think of it this way: you don’t have to sit through three showers now!  Really, three?!  That seems ridiculous on its own…

Post # 6
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d let it go as well, but I don’t think you’re overreacting about being upset. I’m really just kind of floored; I think it’s very rude to not include you, especially since your husband is the bestman. 

Do you think your husband’s family was invited because they’re close to the bride or groom’s parents?

Also, I’ve never understood grooms who don’t “get involved with the invites.” What does that mean?

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can see why you were bothered by this, but honestly if I were you I would let it slide. The next time you see the bride say something like “I heard your showers were wonderful! Mother-In-Law and SIL both went to X shower and said it was a beautiful day and everyone enjoyed themselves. I can’t wait for the wedding, I am so happy for you two”. Going into that much detail about what you know about the showers shows the bride that you actually noticed you weren’t invited AND you actually care about how they played out, which you do. It might make her feel bad a little bit, but it will be a good lesson that she has to be more thoughtful when compiling her guest list.

Post # 9
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

Ugh, I had the EXACT same thing happen to me (Fiance’s best friend’s fiance did not invite me to her showers, even tho I actually thought we were good friends…guess not!) It sucks to be left out of things and I think it’s incredibly rude but unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about it and it’s probably not worth getting super-upset about, sadly…At least you know now where you stand with this girl and won’t have to bother being fake-nice to her or including her when you host parties or anything…Sucks, I’m so sorry!!!

Post # 10
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That is very rude! how can you not invite your FH best friends wife!..Hopfully your hubbys best friend doesnt tell her so she wont give you a pitty invite.. 

Post # 11
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

I actually don’t see why she would have to invite you. I thought showers were for a select number of female guests of the bride’s choosing. You’re not family or even a friend of the bride. I assume the groom knows your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law well through being BFF with your husband, so maybe that’s why they were invited? 

Anyway, I personally would not care about not being invited to the shower of someone I don’t know well. 

Post # 12
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

You might be upset at the wrong people. I know now it seems pretty common that the bride makes up her own shower guest list,but not always. My daughter (MOH) and I and Future Mother-In-Law decided who to invite to my other daughter’s shower (which is a surprise) ,and excluded a few people. Some were my husband’s boss’ wife,some of FSIL’s friends wives, some GF’s of nephews…..we invited only those we know she (the bride) is close to and sees often. They are all invited to the wedding,but not everyone to the shower.

Post # 13
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wait, were you invited to the wedding? For some reason I thought you weren’t invited to the shower or the wedding.

If you were invited to the wedding, then I agree that the shower shouldn’t be a big issue. She’s not close to you yet and the shower should be about having her current close friends and family around her. Of course, I think it’s weird that she can have enough close friends and family to fill up three showers….regardless though, if you were invited to the wedding, be happy you’re included in the big day and continue looking forward to the day when you will become good friends. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

What about the groom’s Mom? She probably gave them her list, and included your husand’s Mom & sister since she knows of the Boyfriend or Best Friend relationship with her son. Silly that she would exclude you, but maybe they thought since he’s in the wedding you already have enough expenses.

One less gift for you to buy,tho!

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