Post # 1
Member
6 posts
Newbee
I was hoping I could get some help with this problem I am having. My apologies as this is long-winded.
I started working for a small company about two years ago (from intern to full-time). Everyone is quite close as there are 7 of us total in the office. My co-worker got engaged soon after I started interning here. I had also seen her through her horrible break-up before engagement and have covered for her throughout. After she got engaged, she has been asking me questions nonstop about her wedding and asking me for my opinion about almost everything (cards, flower arrangements, bridesmaids jewelry, even how to word her dinner choices!). This had gone on for about 8 months. She then started labeling and getting her invitations to both the bridal shower and weddings, for which I covered for her over and over again while she worked on it. I have been the one teaching new interns when she should be and taking care of the work while she worked on her wedding and made endless phone calls to her mother to make arrangements. Now it turns out that I am on the only one in the office that has not been invited. Everyone else talks to me as if I am going, and while I am not the type of person who likes to cause trouble, all this wedding talk is really irritating now. If someone mentions seeing me at the wedding in front of her, she says nothing. There are still a couple months left, but I am a little tired of being given a daily photo slide show of her bridal shower and every little thing she is choosing for her wedding. Not to mention how she will sit at her computer and watch her registry for what has been purchased and what has not been, and then proceed to tell me.
Is there any good way to approach this situation?
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
She’s not a friend. Stop helping her and move on.
Post # 4
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
And next time someone mentions the wedding, just tell them bluntly that you weren’t invited, but you hope they have a good time. That’s the truth and not catty.
Post # 5
Member
3211 posts
Sugar bee
@maronk: Wow, she is so rude!!! I would just give her short replies when she askes me a wedding related question and try to ignore her for the most part. Don’t confront her or anything. It is her wedding after all.
Post # 6
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
@hisprettygirl: +1
I agree next time someone asks just say you didn’t receive an invite but you hope they enjoy the wedding. I would actually do it in front of the bride to be, because at this point it really sounds like she’s just using you
Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@maronk: This is exactly what happened to me when I worked at a small office. Everyone else was invited except me. I was disappointed but I got over it. I ended up stuck answering phones at the office on the day of wedding which I learned later was the whole reason I wasn’t invited (someone had to be at the office that day to take messages even though we had an answering service.) It sounds like she is being nice to you so you will pick up the slack with the work she isn’t doing because she is wedding planning. With a small office it’s probably not worth complaining about.
You know where you stand with her. I wouldn’t give her any more advice and I would gently remind her of her job duties and refuse to do some things for her from time to time. She’s your co-qorker, not your friend.
Post # 8
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
@maronk: I’d have to agree with PP, it’s rude (IMO) to involve someone in a wedding as much as she has you, asking your opinion and what not. I wouldn’t talk to her/anyone about the wedding or just say you would rather not talk about it. I’m sorry she has hurt your feelings 
Post # 9
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
Yeah, do your job, refuse to do hers, and don’t get worked up over her wedding. I personally don’t go places where I’m not wanted.
Post # 10
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
Tell all your co-workers that you were not invited. It’s really that simple. It sucks that she hasn’t chosen to invite you but you need to cut your loses and not help her anymore. When she wants to show a slideshow or talk about the wedding, retreat to your desk and continue doing work.
Post # 11
Member
5242 posts
Bee Keeper
What a biatch! That is so rude!!!! It’s also rude to just invite a few co-workers and not all if you work in a small office and are all close. I work in an office of 9 and I didnt invite any of my co-workers to me wedding
Post # 14
Member
2605 posts
Sugar bee
@maronk: Well, she’s not obligated to invite you but it is pretty shitty of her to invite everyone else and exclude you.
Distance yourself. Be polite, be cordial but keep it professional. Stop covering for her. She’s being paid to work – not monitor her registry. Stop doing her personal favors – you’re busy with your own work. If she asks for a favor – you’re sorry, you can’t.
If she tries to talk wedding, change the subject back to work. If she asks for your opinion, you don’t have one – whatever she chooses will be just fine.
If someone mentions seeing you at the wedding reply calmly that you’re afraid they won’t as you weren’t invited. Don’t sound resentful or sad – just factual.
Post # 15
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
Is there any chance your invite got lost in the mail, or that this was an oversight? I’m so terrified I’ll accidentally leave someone of the list unintentionally, because it is a lot of information to keep track of, and not everyone is as into cross listing spread sheets as me my betrothed!
If not, then I agree with pp – honesty is your best policy!
Post # 16
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
The part about discussing her wedding with you and using you as a pack mule all the while excluding you is beyond rude.
But having her lie and cover for her at work so she can do wedding stuff instead of her job? That’s unethical, unprofessional, and not okay x1000. That’s the kind of thing that could get her and you in trouble. I mean honestly, if I were your boss, I would at least give her a stern warning and maybe fire her for that. I would use @hisprettygirl‘s advice for how to respond if someone brings up the wedding, but you need to stop letting her get away with using you as a doormat to get out of doing her job.
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