(Closed) Not Invited to a Co-Worker's Wedding

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
652 posts
Busy bee

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@MexiPino:  oh no doubt she is rude. If I could, I would give her a hard time about it. Especially since the coworker is not my friend, why should one pick up her slack?

First few times, I would be nice about it and help. But as soon as she takes advantage, that’s where I would draw the line and report her. 

I was just trying to analyse what might prompt the girl not to invite the OP. Nonetheless, the girl is rude, and wrong for taking advantage of the OP.

 

Post # 33
Member
8031 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@maronk:  Wow, you’re the only one not invited? I think that’s rude of her. It’s always tricky within an office (especially a small one). Either invite the 1-2 people you’re closest with, or invite everyone… or no one. Geez.

I would just keep your distance from her as much as you can. The wedding will be over and then hopefully things will go back to normal. I would be a little more selective about what you cover for her in the future. I would be very cautious about being passive aggressive or outright rude to her, though. Since it’s such a small office, she could make your life very miserable and turn others against you.

Post # 34
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@hisprettygirl:  +100000000000000000

THIS.

DO THIS.

Post # 35
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s crazy!  Sorry….

 

I kind of had the same issue, but I wasn’t a bitch….

Couldn’t invite everyone from work, so just my closest friends and immediate supervisor.  I certainly didn’t go around asking opinions to people who weren’t invited.

Post # 36
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I agree you have every right to be hurt by the snub but try to keep in mind that you might not know the whole behind the scenes story. Budgets and guest list cuts go hand in hand so it might have been a very difficult and embarassing decision for her. Granted, in a small office she probably should have skipped the work invites all together if she couldn’t invite everyone but try not to take offense. If you feel comfortable enough the next time she wants to bring up wedding talk kindly explain that you would prefer not to talk about it because you are feeling a bit left out. 

Post # 37
Member
9238 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@maronk:  “I don’t want to say I wasn’t invited in front of her to other people, as I’m not that type of person,” — not what kind of person, an honest person? Why are people so terrified of telling the truth? If people mistakenly think you’re going and you said “no, the bitch didn’t invite me” that’s rude. If people mistakenly think you’re going and you correct them by saying “I wasn’t invited” there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact some would argue it’s being dishonest to the mistaken people NOT to correct them. 

You’re making this way harder than it has to be. Use the broken record technique. Any time she mentions her wedding to you, say this using the same words and same tone of voice every time: “I have work to do so I’m not talking about this anymore.” Then do your work. Once she hears the exact same thing in the exact same tone for the 6th or 10th time, she’ll realize you mean it.

Post # 38
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

i wouldnt say anythingabout not being invited but i would make sure i am busy working the next time she asks for advice 

Post # 39
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

If she starts talking about anything that’s not work related, ignore her. She’s a user not your friend. If it’s allowed get yourself headphones and totally tune out her BS.

Post # 40
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t think it is in bad taste to tell her that you don’t want to be part of her wedding planing.

Say: “I know that you’re really exited about your wedding and have a lot going on, but I’d really like to stay focused on my work.”

She seems very rude.

 

Post # 41
Member
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t want to say I wasn’t invited in front of her to other people, as I’m not that type of person,

What are you gonna say when people ask you why you didn’t attend?  There is nothing wrong with saying the truth, are you the type of person who lies?  I’m confused.

Post # 42
Member
4494 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I worry about this happening at my work. I’m having a small wedding – around 50 people, so our guest list is strict and we just cannot invite everyone. I work on a team of 30 people and consistently speak to around 12. I have spoken about my wedding with ALL 12 of these people (usually they bring it up and ask how things are going, then the convo goes on and goes into more detail). When we’re discussing things sometimes I do ask for their opinions. I am only inviting 7 of these coworkers though. If my wedding were larger I’d invite all 12, but with 7 coworkers with their spouses that is already 14 people out of our guest list of 50. I feel so bad about it and I can’t bring myself to come out and tell some of them that they just aren’t being invited. They all know its a small wedding, but most of them all assume they’re being invited. I have said over and over that it is going to be very small and intimate, but they still assume they’re all coming. I don’t dislike any of these people. I truly love my coworkers. I know some of them are probably going to feel just like you do right now and that makes me really sad because it isn’t my intention.

 

 I really don’t feel like shes using you like some PP have stated. I mean, for what? Your opinion?? I think that is a little far fetched honestly :-/ . However I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling the other coworkers that you simply weren’t invited. It is the truth.

 

View original reply
@norcalwedding:  +1. I agree with this. Maybe you just don’t know the reasoning of why you weren’t invited. It really isn’t necessarily personal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 43
Member
12242 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s terrible! I love PP’s idea about causally saying “Yeah, I’m not invited” the next time co workers are talking about it!

Post # 44
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would just say to her “It’s making uncomfortable to talk about your wedding since I’m not invited to it. Maybe you can ask someone else these questions instead.”

What is she going to do, demand you be uncomfortable?

Post # 45
Member
1768 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

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@Zhabeego: +1000

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@adoc86: ooof, even though you’re not doing it on purpose and of course we get the money aspect, still wouldn’t want to be you at work once the invites go out. They’re not going to be feeling your “love”. Argh, the hurt feelings.

View original reply
@maronk:I feel for you hon. Your coworker is a USER who has no sense and no class, to invite everyone but you yet initiate conversations with you about the event and have you help her with work so she can do wedding stuff!. Takes all kinds. You’ve received some good advice here to be direct but matter of fact and focused on your work. I hope you take it. Don’t allow her to continue to use you. Hugs hon.

Post # 46
Member
31 posts
Newbee

I’m sorry to say, that woman has walked all over you, and is still doing so. You need to stop helping her.

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