(Closed) Not invited to Fiance's uncle's wedding – do I buy them a gift

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Nope! Not invited = no gift.

 

Post # 4
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t.  I also probably would decline any invitation to a wedding where I had to pay my own way anyhow.

Post # 5
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’d say no. I’m the type who buys everyone a gift for a everything but buying a gift on this occasion seems almost like an f-u for not inviting me. i would also feel terrible if someone i didnt invite bought me a gift. I could be wrong, but I say no. 

Post # 6
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No invite = no gift.

Post # 7
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@trueblue14:  This.

If you feel like you absolutely *have* to do something, send a card.

Post # 8
Hostess
8579 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you weren’t invited, they [shouldn’t] be expecting a gift! I wouldn’t sent one. Maybe send a congratulations on the wedding card or something as pp said.

Post # 9
Member
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would get them something small if you want and not invite them to your wedding. It’s really not a big deal 98% of my family isn’t invited to my wedding not even my paternal grandmother. Just focus on you & your Fiance and your happiness.

Post # 10
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mrsrigsby60:  This is probably what I’d do….and I know Fiance would be on board.

Post # 12
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Maybe just send a card from both you and your Fiance. I would be upset too if this happend to me. How well do you know his uncle? If you guys talked and see each pretty often, then it does suck he didn’t include you. I would just send a simple .99cent card. lol 

Post # 13
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@PimmsBride:  Then I would include your name on the gift too, so they can see you guys are a pair, even if you weren’t invited 😉

Post # 14
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Did your Fiance ask if you were invited? If you’re paying for your own meals, I would probably make sure it wasn’t just an oversight.

Post # 15
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Take the high road… in the long run you’ll be better for it.

Your Fiance is invited and you aren’t, but that doesn’t mean that you two are not a social unit… just that this particular couple either (a) has chosen not to recognize that, or (b) is strapped for cash so badly that they’ve had to cut corners some where

Truthfully… I wouldn’t fault them entirely, because it is really hard to know if it is (a) or (b) for the no-invite

Personally, I’m leaning towards (b) I mean afterall the fact that you’ve heard thru the grapevine that folks are paying for their own meals says oodles to me…

Chances are, that if they sent the Invite to your Fiance’s Parents, with the adult children’s names also on it… that they are doing the same for other family members as well… so the cut off point is probably NO Plus Ones for the “next layer down” (Nieces & Nephews)

I know it sucks not to be going, but I’d still participate in some way… go out with your Fiance, choose a gift together, from just the two of you (even if his family is also going to do something else as Brother Bob & Martha & Family).  You two can still be adults (a true social unit) and send your own gift.  Be the girlie girl and wrap it pretty… and do put both your names on the card… LOTS OF LOVE & HAPPINESS – PimmsBride & PimmsGroom

Then put all the harsh feelings, resentment, sadness aside.  Be genuinely happy for the Uncle… I mean at long last he’s found LOVE and that should be celebrated !!

NOTE – Ya know it is possible that this all could also be an oversight on his part… that he (they) don’t have a clue about proper etiquette practices… it can happen.  Being older chances are they aren’t as plugged in as a younger Bride is with throwing a “family wedding” and what is appropriate or not (like being on WBee, reading Brides Magazines, Etiquette Books etc).  Maybe they assume you’ll be coming… although I would never ever ask… as that would be obviously wrong and put you and your Fiance in a very awkward / embarrassing light.  You are right in going by what was on the Invitation…  I’m sure all will be right with the world between you all by the time your own Wedding rolls around !!

(( HUGS ))

 

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