(Closed) Not invited to future SIL's bachelorette

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2019 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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Sunshine09:  Let it go! Sometimes it’s better to not be involved and this is one of those times. She should be free to fly her freak flag with her close gals and do her thing, don’t make it awkward! Honestly less money out the door for you and no potentially embarrassing stories for her later. Don’t take it personally!

Post # 3
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee

Maybe she just doesn’t like you? My FBIL’s girlfriend and I are cordial and I’ll be polite and say hello but I really can’t stand the girl. I very much doubt she’d be invited to my bachelorette and I really don’t think she’d care either. We’re on the same page. Just because we’re marrying into the same family (we’ll see, she’s still fairly new), it doesn’t mean we are going to be family.

Post # 4
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Maybe she wants to do her bachelorette with her closest friends. I know for some bachelorettes the women want to invite everybody, but some want just closest frinds. I wouldn’t take it personally, especially if you agnowledged that you arent’ close 

Post # 6
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Bachelorette parties are not family events. They should be raunchy and inappropriate. This may not be the way she wants to act in front of you. Don’t be offended by this! Let her go be wild for a night. You can be offended if you aren’t invited to the shower though. I give you permission. 🙂

Post # 7
Member
1054 posts
Bumble bee

No, I don’t think you should be offended. I think bachelorette parties should be attended by the brides close friends. I’m not gonna want my aquaintences and future in-laws to see me wild and inebriated, or even dressed in a robe with cucumbers on eyes and avocado on my face if I went the spa day route. Bach parties are more personal. Having people there I don’t know well or am not close to would just make it awkward. Many I’ve been to have just been the bridal party. If you don’t get invited to the bridal shower then you can be offended. 

Post # 8
Member
3184 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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Sunshine09:  There is no way I am inviting my FI’s brother’s wife to my bach party! I am inviting her to my shower but not to my bach party. For me it’s about spending time with my nearest and dearest girlfriends and my sister (we shared a room for like 22 years so we are hella close) but to invite my FSIL? Nope, she’s family but she is nopt getting invited the same way I wouldn’t invite my Future Mother-In-Law. There are things that are bound to come up that I really don’t want that side of my future family knowing.

Post # 9
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Try not to be offended or take it personally. I have no intention of inviting my Future Sister-In-Law to my bachelorette because we’re not at all close. I agree with 

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sumshine.dawn that its about spending time with your nearest and dearest friends. I don’t want my friends to feel uncomfortable or like they can’t behave like themselves because she would be there and they’d have to ‘be on their best behavior’. I also feel like I wouldn’t be able to really be myself and let loose and have a good time with my Future Sister-In-Law there.

Post # 10
Member
6973 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Honestly while I get you feeling slighted, I really don’t think it’s a big deal. Bachelorette parties aren’t always a big event. Sometimes it’s just the BMs and the bride, or a small group of the bride’s closest friends. It’s not really a family event. I know for my bachelorette party my mother has asked to attend and I’ve told her no. It’s not that I don’t love her, but the bachelorette is a time to let go and have a great time with my closest friends. If my mother was there I would feel like I couldn’t let loose.

Post # 11
Member
401 posts
Helper bee

I’m wondering why you thought you would have been invited? Where I’m at the Bach party is usually just the bridal party +the bride’s closest friends. 

The bach is supposed to be your one last night as a single with your girlfriends, it’s not a wedding event that focuses on the joining of families. If this had been a bridal brunch I’d understand, but a Bach party when your not even close to the bride? You’re being oversensitive, it sounds like it would be very awkward for you to be there. 

Post # 12
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I didn’t invite any of my fiancé’s sisters (he has 5). Mostly because of the number of them and because I want to spend the time with my best friends. I am close to my fiancé’s sisters, but not THAT close!

Post # 13
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee

She probably just doesn’t want you there because she wants to let loose. She doesn’t want to be embarrassed or have any “stories” of that night get to her new family. I wouldn’t take it personal

Post # 14
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee

If it’s one of her friends that’s throwing it she may not know to invite you. My Maid/Matron of Honor planned my “bachelorette” (if you can call it that, it was a trip with no plan that ended up being terribly disappointing) and I just tried to be polite and stay out of the planning. I found out that once we got there she hadn’t even invited my sister or my Future Sister-In-Law who were also bridesmaids! I was very unhappy they were excluded and had to do some serious damage control afterwards becuase there were some hurt feelings. I guess my Maid/Matron of Honor just assumed they wouldn’t want to come since they would have to travel and didn’t know my other two bridesmaids. 

See if you can subtly drop a hint to the organizer or the bride that you would love to come if there’s space, they may be making the same (misguided) assumption that you won’t want to come since you don’t know the whole group.

Post # 15
Member
670 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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Sunshine09:  Yes, you are overreacting.  It is HER bachelorette, neither she nor the host is obligated to include you just because you are going to become family. In fact, unless you are close, which you said that you are not, it is kind of nervy for you to think that you deserve to be invited. 

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