Not invited to long term bf's best friend's wedding

posted 10 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Normally, I lean towards not taking things personally and just assuming that, right or wrong / poor form or not, they just don’t want a bunch of people they don’t know at their wedding. But it does strike me as odd that the other girlfriend is invited who they also don’t know.

Is there some obvious line that could explain it? Like they live together and you don’t? Maybe that’s where they chose to draw their cutoff for plus ones? 

Or maybe the other friend did reach out and ask for the invitation for his gf. Are you sure there was a plus one listed on his invitation and not on your boyfriend’s? Or was there nothing about plus ones on either invitation but he aaked? 

Post # 3
Member
904 posts
Busy bee

blond1990 :  It’s pretty normal not to invite people you don’t know well or aren’t close with to you wedding. You shouldn’t be too dismayed.

Post # 4
Member
7717 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it’s in poor taste, but I wouldn’t ask about it. Even if they are super wealthy, it could still be a budget issue (not that that makes it ok). Without knowing any of the particulars, my guess is that the girl’s parents are loaded and are paying for the swanky Martha’s Vineyard wedding for their daughter, and want to invite all their similarly loaded friends, and those people took priority over some of the SOs of the couples’ friends. (This is a complete guess and I could be way off base buuuutttt…yea this is my hunch lol.)

Post # 5
Member
1380 posts
Bumble bee

It is not normal and incredibly tacky and rude to invite one half of a couple just because the bride and groom haven’t met the SO. Why should you celebrate their union as a couple when they can’t be bothered to respect your union as partners? So rude 

Post # 9
Member
7717 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Oh, and I think you shoudl still invite both of them to your wedding. Take the high road!

Post # 10
Member
7022 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I don’t think there is anything wrong with clarifying the invitation. If he wants to ask let him ask. Its better than assuming their reasons or stewing about it on an online message board. 

Post # 12
Member
904 posts
Busy bee

blond1990 :  I do think it’s rude to ask unless you genuinely think it was an oversight. It’s not really relevant whether or not you live together. As to who you invite to your wedding, it’s your choice, and likely depends on how your relationship with each of them develops going forward. Maybe spend the day exploring the area, get a manicure, etc? How long is the wedding? Or just stay home and catch up with friends. In my circle, it’s not normal to invite SOs unless you also know them well.

Also, to respond to a previous poster, you go to celebrate another’s union – it’s a bit egotistical to think it’s about you and your own.

Post # 13
Member
3537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

If your boyfriend has said a bunch of terrible shit about you in the past then, yeah, that might explain it. Maybe they don’t approve of his relationship and depending on what the issues were and what he has said to them, it may even be understandable on their part. 

neverbeenstungbee :  “Why should you celebrate their union as a couple when they can’t be bothered to respect your union as partners?” 

I see this perspective come up a lot on this site and I think it illustrates a pretty significant divide between people in terms of their views on weddings and what they mean. I don’t think either side of this debate is necessarily right or wrong either, but that couples should base their decisions off of their own values and perspective on what a wedding means and that guests, families and internet strangers would be better served by recognizing that while they might not feel the same way, the other side isn’t necessarily wrong or rude. 

I don’t think that my wedding has anything to do with someone else’s romantic relationship. My wedding is about my relationship with my fiance and the community of friends and family that has supported us and helped us thrive along the way. I know and am friends with most of the SO’s of my friends and family that are invited so it’s been a non-issue for us, but I would not think twice about it coming off poorly if one of my cousin’s had a girlfriend I had never met and we didn’t give him a plus one. 

Post # 14
Member
385 posts
Helper bee

anonymousbee001 :  you posted on my similar dilemma yesterday. 

I disagree with you completely. It’s egotistical to invite one partner of a partnership. Yes, it may be the bride’s and groom’s wedding, but guests will take time off, travel, and want to enjoy the wedding. Their partner is who they enjoy the most experiences with.

In my opinion, it makes the bride/groom pretty selfish and rude. 

I’m perfectly fine with not being invited as a couple, but inviting  only one puts the couple in an odd place.

 

Post # 15
Member
385 posts
Helper bee

sboom :  Where is the line? If that cousin was engaged, would the SO be invited?

It’s so interesting, because I’ve never come across these opinions before. 

Would you be okay if the cousin declined the invite? 

Genuinely asking.

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