Not invited to long term bf's best friend's wedding

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee

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blond1990 : You’re not married, so you have no say over his finances. It’s true: I don’t know you. However, it is tacky and controlling to carelessly threaten the relationship based on his decision to spend his time and money to visit friends over the weekend, and that suggests a lack of maturity. Also, not everything is about you; it’s perfectly fine for them to have an important event without you.

(Aside – You seem rather defensive over the suggestion that you being tacky. It’s also possible the concern over superficial external validation of your relationship is related to your own insecurity of having dated your boyfriend for 4 years without an engagement.)

Post # 47
Member
6152 posts
Bee Keeper

He should ask since they’re best friends. Seriously.  

Post # 50
Member
6152 posts
Bee Keeper

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blond1990 :  Yea I hear you. I’d ask your SO to stop sharing everything too. It should mostly be between you two. Especially if you get married.  A fight you two had and then makeup you both will likely forget but the friends won’t.  This has always been my experience.  

Post # 51
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee

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blond1990 :  If you read my subsequent posts, you would realize that I didn’t invite the spouse because I knew she couldn’t attend and I think it’s inappropriate to invite people you know won’t attend or for whom it would be excessively inconvenient.

You mentioned you were questioning how he spends his time and money. The 2 months of rent does provide context, and in that case he should be more focused on paying you back. I’m surprised that wasn’t your leading concern since the cost to him of attending is likely similar regardless of whether you also attend. Also, I’m not sure how a ring is affordable in the near future.

Are you suggesting the multiple posters who have professed insecurity or anxiety over waiting are also insane?

Post # 54
Member
2215 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Agree this is poor taste. We invited all SO to our wedding. Even DH cousins boyfriend (they live overseas) and we hadnt met. So rude not to

Post # 55
Member
1558 posts
Bumble bee

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blond1990 :  No she couldn’t have. To reiterate, the wedding was within the next week. This was a close friend; in order to make it, she likely would have had to bribe someone to obtain a visa in time (obviously, this wasn’t a real option). 

I thought the post was about soliciting opinions. If not, why post? Normally, people shouldn’t go to weddings at all if they are so exorbitantly expensive that their budget is materially impacted. (The statement regarding how he spends his money, was before you disclosed he owes you 2 months of rent. The concern over his finances is more related to your role as lendor than girlfriend.) I do think that it is a bit suspect, though, that you are looking at rings when his finances still seem unstable.

Post # 56
Member
13576 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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blond1990 :  

Normally it is very rude to ask to include uninvited guests but as mentioned it is not at all tacky to clarify intent in this situation. 

Plus ones for single people are very generous but absolutely not obligatory.

Post # 57
Member
1494 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

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blond1990 :  Honestly it would be more of am issue to me that he runs to friends/family when you guys have an argument and tells them about it then him going to the wedding although its very rude his own best friend didn’t give him a +1. I made it clear to my guy that any arguments we had are not to be shared with any friends/family and if he did I would be very upset.

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