Post # 1
I need your advice on a tricky situation…
My FI’s best friend is a girl. I wanted to include her in our wedding and wedding planning, and also get to know her better, so I made her a Bridesmaid or Best Man. A couple months later, she and her Fiance got engaged, and they set their date a couple months before ours.
BM’s Fiance has several brothers and close male friends, so they made my Fiance one of their ushers. Glad he gets to have some role in their wedding 🙂
Anyways, we just got their rehearsal dinner invite in the mail… And they only invited my Fiance. I was pretty surprised, since I thought it was customary to invite SOs to rehearsal dinners.
We are about to send out the invites for our own rehearsal dinner. Should we invite BM’s Fiance, or leave him out since she left me out? I am trying not to be catty but I thought it was pretty disappointing, since I am really trying to include her in our own wedding since she’s so important to Fiance.
What do ya’ll think? Thanks for the help!
Post # 3
It’s rude that she didn’t invite you to the rehearsal dinner. SO’s most definitely need to be included. While I get that it’s tempting not to invite her Fiance to your rehearsal dinner, I think it would be petty and not a good idea. Just be the bigger person and invite him.
Post # 5
Before jumping to conclusions, why doesn’t your Fiance ask if SOs are included?
Post # 6
@PinkPinstripes: Lol my Fiance did ask her, and she said no. She and I have always gotten along great so I thought it was a little bit weird.
I guess I do have to be the bigger person here, it’s just irritating to be shut out, and Fiance and I are paying for the rehearsal dinner ourselves. I would feel a lot happier paying for his dinner if they included both of us in theirs. Oh well that’s life!
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
You *should* be invited to the Rehearsal Dinner, but I would let it slide, and invite her Fiance to yours.
Post # 9
That’s so weird! I would reconsider her being a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your wedding. So rude and not a friend.
Post # 10
It is probably a money thing for them. I am a Bridesmaid or Best Man in a friend’s wedding and they are not allowing SO’s to come to the rehearsal dinner. While it is irritating I completely understand that it is because they cannot afford to pay for all of those people since they are paying for it themselves. I, however, am including SO’s at my rehearsal dinner even through we are paying for it only because I know how irritated I am with my friend and not being able to bring my Fi (who will actually be my husband by then). lol! It gets so expensive!
Post # 11
Wait, wait… Your Fiance is paying for his own rehearsal dinner meal at this woman’s Rehearsal Dinner, but you are STILL not allowed to go? What??
Post # 12
@MsVoyageur: This couple is wrong to not invite you both to the rehearsal dinner. You should be treated as a “social unit” since you have made the comitment to marry. But they obviously don’t know about (or perhaps care about, but let’s be gracious and assume it’s ignorance, not malice) this bit of etiquette, which is really just good manners.
You, on the other hand, are kind and gracious. And you DO know that it’s rude and offensive to invite only one half of a social unit. So of course you won’t stoop to the level of being petty and leaving your BM’s husband off the guest list for your rehearsal dinner. That would reflect poorly on you.
You want to be able to be proud of your choices and actions; inviting your BM’s husband (who is also your FI’s dear friend!) is the right thing to do. Snubbing him could leave a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth.
Edit: (I got confused, even if the female is your FI’s friend, not her husband, I still think you should invite them both)
Post # 14
@PinkPinstripes: Yeah, I thought it was weird too, and not very friendly. She and her Fiance are super well off, and having a $60,000 wedding and just bought a new car, so I have this weird feeling that it’s not about the money. I don’t want to start serious drama so I won’t kick her out of the wedding party. I don’t want to impact her friendship with my Fiance either.
@shannonh32: I know, these things are so expensive! I do understand if it’s a money thing – but both the B&M and their parents are all very well off. Even so, I hope that they excluded me just because of money, and not something else.
@Nurse_Bee: Lol no, what I meant is that my Fiance and I are paying for our own rehearsal dinner. And my mom asked us to invite all of our out-of-town guests so the guest list is 55 people, which is pretty expensive. Still, we don’t mind paying, it’s just on principle it’s not fun to buy someone else dinner who hasn’t been reciprocating as friends.
Post # 15
@UmbrellaMoon: That is so true, thanks, that is the encouragement that I needed. We will definitely invite them, I don’t want to be ungracious at all. I guess I just needed to vent.
Post # 16
@MsVoyageur: I do know the feeling of needing an outlet! Weddingbee is pretty good for that.
Good luck with the remainder of your planning. Here’s hoping that this is the stickiest situation that falls into your lap!