(Closed) Not invited to SO's cousin's wedding? Should we ask?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it appropriate to ask SO's cousin?
    Sure! What's the worst that can happen! It could be an oversight! : (54 votes)
    23 %
    No, that's really rude. Don't do that! suck it up, you can't go! : (169 votes)
    73 %
    Other! (explain below) : (9 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 93
    Member
    982 posts
    Busy bee

    @forgetaboutme:  I think it’s way harsh that you weren’t invited, given that you have been together a long time and personally know the bride and groom, AND the fact your SO has to travel a fair distance for the wedding.

    I wouldn’t ask though. If I were your SO, I wouldn’t go. Not making a protest or anything, I just wouldn’t want to travel all that way on my own without SO.

    A friend of mine a few years ago (who met my SO the same day I did, so he wasn’t a stranger to her!) invited me but not SO to her engagement and housewarming a 4 hour drive away. I didn’t go, because I wasn’t keen on driving all that way to a major, unfamiliar city on my own, and it didn’t seem right to not take SO.

    Post # 94
    Member
    1213 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @soontobemrsm11:  IF that is what you want to do then it’s your choice, but I’d think about whether all of your friends/family know each other and get a long. In my family not everyone is super close, so if I invited say my cousin without her SO she would feel very bored and alone. Same with our friends. My SO and I aren’t from the same area and don’t have any common friends, so if people weren’t permitted the bring the SO’s they probably wouldn’t have anyone to talk to and would be bored. Plus not allowing bfs/gfs means you are deciding what level of commitment you think their relationship is compared to married couples, and some might be offended.

    Like I said, if that is what you really want to do, go for it, but be prepared for some backlash, because I know I personally would feel very hurt and upset if my SO wasn’t invited to a family members event just because we aren’t married, when we have been together longer than some of the married couples in my family.

    Post # 95
    Member
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Glad it’s only been a mistake. Enjoy the wedding 🙂

    Post # 96
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

     I could not AGREE MORE @winstonchurchill:! What is up with people feeling like they have a right to tell people how to spend their funds? The bride and groom can invite whoever they want. I also find it silly and petty that the bride is taking the blame because she is the BF’s cousin. Perhaps her FH said that they needed to avoid giving every single person a plus one. 

    I would not ask nor would I give a damn. It is just a wedding. If not getting invited to a wedding is the worst of your problems than you have an awesome life, seriously. I am never offended when I do not get invited. I would only be if it was someone extremely close to me such as immidiate family and very close friends. Even then, if we had not spoken in a while I would still understand. Weddings are incredibly expensive. There are a bunch of bees who state that the first thing couples do to save money and have an affordable wedding is to cut down the guest list. 

    I have been to two weddings and I was never given a plus one! I did not have a SO at the time and if I did, I would not have been offended. Why not invite you, your mom, uncle, cousin, and BFF so the couple can add on thousands of dollars to what they are already paying. This constant sense of entitlement people have is ridiculous. I don’t understand this attitude people have. If your Boyfriend or Best Friend decides not to show up, that is his business. 

    I do not use etiquette, tradition, or other rules for these situations I use common sense. I also let my money do the talking. Just move on with your life. This was not a situation designed to offend you, and you are not owed any explanation.

    Post # 97
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @nattiejeanne:  Really? Weren’t you the one who was very defensive when people said that it was rude and being a bad host to offer a pot luck or pizza as the wedding meal?! To each their own. At the end of the day, the couple do what they can afford and is best for them. If folks don’t like it they can decline.

    Post # 98
    Member
    956 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I would be offended as would Fiance. He also wouldn’t go. (I just asked him)

    However, if your SO feels like this could have been an oversight, he can ask about you, but I doubt it was. It’s pretty rude itself to point out people that aren’t invited, and since they took the time to put it on their website, I am SURE they double checked the invites.

    Post # 99
    Member
    2473 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @forgetaboutme: 

    EDIT: just saw the update after posting this (below) lol…. so…..NVM 🙂

    it is insulting and I personally think its rude given you have been together for so long…….BUT playing devils advocate…. maybe it wasnt totally personal and they made their list and realized there was a TON of people/way too many who had SO’s but werent engaged or living together and they needed to made a some sort of cutoff across the board to make it work or else? (if they made exceptions people at the wedding would prob figure it out and get mad…why you and not me?) Maybe she has a crapload of family in the same position you are, you really dont know right…..where do they draw the line? if they make exceptions for one they gotta do it for everyone?? maybe???

     

    Maybe in her eyes she believes the ring and/or co-habitating defines real commitment….and like you said your not besties or anything so….

     

    Granted Im on your side and the fact thats its basically a destination wedding sucks…. like no one should be expected to drive a whole day or take a flight if their SO isnt invited??? Local weddings its like ok whatever and duck out early if your not really wanting to be there, but they are asking a lot!

     

    I personally invited everyone who had a bf/gf at the time we sent out invites no matter how long they’d been together…and I know my Darling Husband wouldnt have attended a wedding without me before we were married.

     

    Post # 100
    Member
    4767 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @forgetaboutme:  That’s good I think they more “forgot” rather than forgot, but yeah when you put somone on the spot they usually backpedal their rudness.  

    Post # 101
    Member
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @forgetaboutme:  No he shouldn’t call. If you read on their website that only people who the invitation is addressed to are invited, then you clearly are not invited. I’m sure they put this on their website to fend off these questions in advance.

    Post # 102
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    Same thing happened to me a few years ago. My fiance’s cousin was getting married at a smaller venue and she decided not to give any of the cousins a plus one unless you were married or engaged. I was a little peeved at the time because the fiance and I had been dating for well over 5 years at that point….. we were together before she even started dating her husband! She was so stingy with her plus ones that she didn’t give them out to cousins who had children with their girlfriend or boyfriend. You bascially had to be married to get a plus one.

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