(Closed) Not invited to the wedding but 9 months later i'm invited to the baby shower??

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
709 posts
Busy bee

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bkprettygirl:  You have every right not to go if you don’t feel like it. To me just because i didn’t make the cut for a  wedding, wouldn’t mean i wouldn’t be happy to be part of their life. (Although in general i find ANY baby shower, bridal shower and the like pretty gift grabby…but that’s just me 😉 ) 

I know people react differently to those thing. A couple of years back my friend Eve got married. Me and two other friends (Tara & Lana) are pretty close with Eve. She told us, that she had to invite so many family members that we didn’t make the cut at first even though she’d loved to have us there. Me and my friend Tara were still happy for her & told her it wasn’t a problem, whereas my friend Lana was pretty miffed. Later on – once Eve got some declines by some distant aunts – she told us we could come. Tara and me were excited to go & told her we’d be happy to join, whereas Lana considered it incredibly rude and declined. I am trying to say, different people look at the same thing differently. I don’t like being taken advantage off – and if that’s the feeling you’re getting, don’t go. But I think life proves constantly that we don’t always have the money to do what we’d love to. 

Post # 32
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

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bkprettygirl:  I had a small wedding of only 78. My husband did not want a large wedding. Part of Marriage is making sacrifices. Our mothers are the ones inviting people to the shower; I’ve only submitted my list of friends when I was asked for it. It’s only women this time too. So, it probably really is not to get a gift! In fact I don’t want much but my mom is trying to get me to put more on the list. By The Way, I have friends who eloped so I was not invited to the wedding but I was to the shower. I’m not upset or offended but rather happy I can be there this time. 

Post # 33
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Showers are supposed to be for your nearest and dearest only. I would decline.

Post # 34
Member
4889 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve never understood that. But, to each their own.

I was invited to a mutual friends engagement party, but then wasn’t invited to the wedding. I’m not super close with the girl, but close enough that we thought we’d get invited – especially after being invited to the engagement party. I could have extended the invite to our wedding for her and her DH, but we didn’t – mainly because we weren’t invited to theirs.

Post # 35
Member
1496 posts
Bumble bee

So not worth getting worked up about. Just decline and be done with it. It’s possible that your mutual friends suggested to invite you. 

Post # 36
Member
3696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Maybe she didn’t make the guest list?  Maybe whoever is hosting asked a mutual friend for a list of her friends and you came to mind among them.  If you don’t want to go, don’t.  If you’d like to reconnect and spend a couple hours with your friends, go.  Most it’ll cost you is a card and small gift if you want.

Post # 37
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I don’t really think OP is getting worked up about it as PPs have said. Just a vent post about something I would side-eye too since the events are so close together. I wasn’t a close friend when it was time to shell out for a dinner, but less than a year later I am when you only have to give me some punch and cookies…

Post # 38
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

Giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she regrets not inviting you to the wedding and she wants to be closer. So she’s reaching out now by inviting you to the baby shower. Or maybe she’s just being gift grabby, who knows. I say go if you want to and don’t go if you don’t want to. It doesn’t sound like it’s a big deal either way.

Post # 39
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

While I would definitely decline and think this is strange… It does cost a lot more money to have someone at your wedding than it does to have them at your baby shower.

Post # 40
Member
3952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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bkprettygirl:  See, I think you’re way off base. I’m planning a small wedding and I simply can’t accommodate every single person I’ve ever met. Fiance alone has 38 first cousins through his step-dad…I simply can’t afford to invite any of them. I’m sad they can’t come to the wedding…but does that mean I have to exclude them from EVERYTHING now going forward just because I couldn’t invite them to the wedding? I shouldn’t invite them to my baby shower, obviously, because that’s “gift grabby” but what about birthday parties for future children? Holidays? Where do I have to draw the line so I’m not seen as gift grabby? Generally a shower is hosted for you and the expense is paid for by that host and costs nowhere NEAR the cost of a wedding, so maybe she figured, seeing as how you’re Facebook friends and have several mutual friends, she should extend the invite to you.

Solution is simple: If you see this woman as being gift-grabby and you have to laugh in disbelief upon receiving the invitation, politely decline it and move on. 

Post # 41
Member
910 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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bkprettygirl:  Same thing happened to me….

I RSVP’d no to the shower and didn’t bother to send a gift…..

Seriously, I was not rewarding gift grabby behavior…….

Post # 42
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You do not think it is nice that she has invited you? Then do both of you a favor and politely decline. I only wanted people at either of my showers who were happy for me, and not anyone who judges my events or why anyone is or isn’t invited. And if someone already thinks an invitation is just a gift grab then that person does me more of a favor by staying home and letting me celebrate with people who care about me as a human being 

Post # 43
Member
4038 posts
Honey bee

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muguet:  +1

Post # 44
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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bkprettygirl:  Easy. If you don’t like her, don’t go. If you like her, go – otherwise like you’re trying to punish her by throwing yourself a pity party. There are lots of reasons to restrict wedding guests lists. As PP said, there were people at my wedding (by necessity) that I wouldn’t invite to my baby shower. For me, wedding = more family (politics), shower = more friends.

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