(Closed) Not invited to wedding and feeling upset

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No, you’re not crazy. I’d be wondering about it, too. I always try to invite whole groups of people — e.g. if I invited one of my old roommates, and there were 2 others I was equally close to (slash distant from!), I would invite those other 2, as well. 

Oh well. Who knows why she invited who she did? Don’t let it get to you.

Post # 4
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That’s not fun at all. I was in that situation a few years ago where 3 of my best friends (1 who I was living with at the time) would go out and then post photos & statuses on facebook about how much fun they had. This happened several times, including once where they ‘invited’ me but we didn’t set a time and then the 3 of them went out and ‘forgot’ to call me. 

I would just let it go. I am no longer friends with those girls and it was honestly the best decision I made. I have no time in my life for complicated friendships. 

Maybe she had a reason to not invite you (like she doesn’t feel as close to you??) but either way it’s strange to leave you out of it.

Post # 5
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Your not crazy, i’d be upset too 🙂

Post # 6
1542 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

That’s upsetting and rude. I experienced an upsetting situation too when a cousin didn’t invite all us cousins to her wedding.

I must add we’re a close family, we all se each other weekly and this cousin’s always been the one looking down on us and not participating much in the family gatherings so it wasn’t a total shock, but still everyone was upset about her attitude.

Post # 7
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

She may have forgotten or she just might not like you that much. I can understand feeling confused and upset but don’t let it get to you. You weren’t close anyway.

Post # 8
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d be curious too, but as you’re planning your own wedding, you know that not everyone makes the cut. And for many different reasons. Were W and K closer to L when you were all roommates and you and L? There could be a million reasons why they were invited and you weren’t but if she’s just an acquaintance, whatever the reason, you shouldn’t get too worked up over it. She’s not a part of your daily life…you have bigger things to think about. I’m inviting some of my old college roommates and childhood friends, but not inviting the whole group. I have lots of reasons for doing so. In some cases, I just had a closer relationship with some of them, that I don’t think was apparent to anyone else, or even that person…but to me…I felt like I had a stronger relationship with them. Seriously, don’t loose too much sleep over this. 

Post # 9
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

A few years ago my sister’s best friend got married, and my sister was Maid/Matron of Honor. I didn’t know her really well, so it wouldn’t have bothered me that I wasn’t invited except for the fact my parents were also invited…leaving me as the only family member without an invite. There was no personal reason I wasn’t invited, basically it just came down to money. I thought those lines were a bit awkwardly drawn in her budget, but honestly I don’t feel like I missed much. 

Post # 10
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh poop. I’m going to be in this situation soon. There’s a group of 3 ladies that I get together with on a semi-regular basis. Maybe drinks once a month (or two) not close close friends, but they’re all very nice and I like hanging out with them.

Early on all three were on my guestlist. I’ve known 2 of them longer, but since we all hang out together I thought it was right to invite all three.

Now my mother has invited a bunch of random relatives AFTER I contracted with a venue. We were already over capacity with our guest list and hoping some people would decline! I’m in the really unfortunate place of having to cut guests and I think I’m going to have to cut the one girl that I haven’t known as long. I’m really torn up over the issue and my only solace was maybe she would be understanding! 

(FYI I was not invited to any of these ladies’ weddings, but they all had super small ones–like family only.)

Post # 12
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

I totally get being hurt by this. I think most brides try to invite levels or groups of friends to avoid hurt feelings like this. I mean, if I’m going to invite one ex-roomie, I really should invite them all so that no one’s offended.

When I was a kid, one of my friends who I carpooled with told everyone in our group to be sure to check our mail when we got home for her birthday party invitation. Guess who wasn’t invited and felt completely left out? Me. It was a tough experience, but I’m glad I learned early on how much it sucks to be on the receiving end of that kind of behavior. Needless to say, I have been very careful to never put anyone in that type of situation.

I know it’s hard, but I’d try not to let it get to you. Even though it’s very thoughtless, I doubt the bride wanted to purposely hurt your feelings. I’m sure you would have made an awesome wedding guest!

Post # 13
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Bichon Frise:  What I’m hoping is that I get declines and can invite her and her husband. If not I know the hubby of one of the other girls is not going to be able to make it so maybe she brings this girl as her plus one! This may not be the most Miss Manners way of doing things, but I want to make sure she knows I want her there even if we’re over capacity at the venue. 

Post # 14
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

It sucks to feel like you have to invite someone because they somehow seems equal to some other people you do want to invite (because they are from the same social group, you’ve known them the same amount of time, you were roommates with them, whatever). I get that you feel slighted, and it is personal, but it isn’t mean-spirited. The bride just felt closer to those other girls in some way that maybe she can’t even articulate, but it’s not fair to expect an invitation just because people you consider should weight the same in her mind got invitations.  This is ajust a sign that she doesn’t consider you an actual friend, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We don’t have room in our lives to stay friends with every person we were ever friends with, and some relationships will fade faster than others and at different rates for the two people in the friendship. She make consider herself closer the the friends she did invite than they consider themselves to her, so it might not seem to make sense to those friends and to you, but it made sense to the bride.

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