(Closed) Not Invited….again…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I don’t really think you have a choice? I’m sorry but it’s her shower. I know some people were not happy with me when they found out they weren’t invited to the bridal showers and even the wedding but ultimately it’s my decision as the bride as to who I want there. I shouldn’t be made to invite people I’m not particularly close with. I invited a lot of his family to the bridal showers, but only because I am really close to his family and wanted them there. I don’t think you’re being fair to her. Sorry. 

Post # 4
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yes, I’d distance myself from her until and unless she makes some gestures of friendship toward you.  Stop doing couples things with them, don’t buy them a baby gift and just let your husband hang out with his friend one on one. 

If you do happen to see her be civil and polite but not particularly warm. 

Post # 6
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I understand how this may feel really awkward for you and it’s never fun to be excluded. I agree that it is her decision on the invitation list. You never know; maybe a friendship will grow in the years to come. Or the two of you may not ever be friends. For whatever reason, sometimes it gets tougher to make new friends the older we all get.

As far as the hospital, you might want to consider going just for a bit since it sounds like your husband would like you there. Maybe you can take separate cars and just do a “pop in” to give your congratulations and then leave shortly after.

Post # 7
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If I were you, I’d stick this girl strictly in the middle of the “acquaintance” group and just not worry about her anymore. Let your husband do all the inviting if you guys are going out, and don’t invite her to your stuff either. It sucks that she can’t make room for you in her life, but you shouldn’t let it get you down. That just means you’ve got a spot in your life that’s open for someone who actively wants you around!

Post # 8
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with @Lisa105. You should still be civil towards her but I wouldn’t go out of your way to hang out as couples. Since it appears she doesn’t want a friendship with you then don’t buy a baby gift, if your husband wants to buy one great (he’s a guy and probably wouldn’t even think about it…don’t remind him either!) but you shouldn’t go out of your way anymore.

Post # 9
Member
1667 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@lilacwire: I agree with you. Don’t invite her to your stuff, but be civil for the sake of your husbands friendship

Post # 10
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

as lisa105 mentioned, I would definetly stop doing couple things with them. You have made it clear that your feelings are hurt, and my feelings would be hurt too if that happened to me! I am not close with my MOH’s husband, nor do I even think he likes me. Am I inviting him to my wedding? You bet your @ss I am, I think it would be in poor taste not to invite him. And yes, as KaitlinHudson pointed out, it was her wedding and her shower so she got to choose who to invite. BUT as part of a couple I believe you should have been invited to the wedding. It seems like she isn’t interested in being friends with you. At least you are trying, because your husband is such good friends with her husband and she isn’t even trying at all. I wouldn’t go to the hospital either, when I was in the hospital with my first born I was postitively overwhelmed with the people who showed up, it was like a constant stream of people I’m not very aquainted with and definetly felt uncomfortable being bed-ridden and in my pajamas.

Post # 11
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Bostonsmom: I agree on the hospital thing and maybe you want to point that out to your husband. Have him check with his friend to see when they’d like him (and you?) to come visit the baby. Even if everyone is super close, this could be something that the wife wants to be a little more private.

Post # 12
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I wouldn’t waste one more minute of my time on this girl, if I were you. She was definitely rude to exclude you, but she’s done it repeatedly, so it’s obviously not an accident. I’m sure you’ve always been very nice to her, but some people are just plain rude. I’d move on and spend your time with people who value you.

Post # 14
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would be upset also, you’re not crazy for feeling this way.  I’d hate to project, but it *almost* seems like her not inviting you is a way of saying she (dare I say it?) doesn’t approve?  I could be off base, but I can’t see another reason why she wouldn’t invite you to these events, especially those which include your husband’s family…and even more so that she isn’t close to them.

Post # 16
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@rchel234: Well I obviously don’t know for sure, I know so little about the situation…but yea I meant of you and your husband.  It just seems really really weird to me. Why would she invite all of your husband’s family, but then not you!

But I am the first to admit I subscribe to conspiracy theories on a regular basis though, so take this with a heaping of salt.  At the end of the day, I would try not to let it bother you. If I were you, I would distance myself from her.  I hope it works out.

 

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