Post # 1
Member
14 posts
Newbee
Just wondering, my niece is getting married. She invited all of the 1st cousins, except for my 14 year old. The other 1st cousins are between the ages of 18 & 21.
I don’t think this has anything to do with closeness (there are equally close), but more to do with trying to keep cost down. I just think my 14 year old would be really hurt to learn that he was the only 1st cousin not invited. I may decline to go to the wedding due to this. Should my niece have encluded my son? Is it common to not invite 1 cousin. There are 13 total first cousins in our family.
Post # 3
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
Maybe they are having an adults only wedding and that is why. Personally I would be hurt to if I were your son. Maybe talk to her mom or dad, whomever the relative is about it. Maybe he could go to the reception although for a boy he might not care about that. I wouldn’t outright decline the invite but find out the reasoning behind it. Good Luck
Post # 4
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
even at an adults only wedding, 14 yr olds should be included, IMO, especially in this case.
Post # 5
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee
Kd, I experienced the same exact thing. I was the only one of my cousins, and siblings not invited to a relative’s wedding, because I was 15. (The cut off was 16.) To be honest, my mother spoke to my aunt, and the invitation was changed.
Hopefully, it was an oversight on their part, and simply were preoccupied with all the wedding planning to consider that that was a little hurtful. If it is important to your son talk to them. Honestly, I think that it is inappropriate to not invite him. Maybe the groom’s side has more children under 18, even you r son’s age. That’s fine. I don’t think that it is required to invite them. But in any situation in which you have one person who will be excluded, you need to bend the rules. If you had 2 or 3 children and they were all little, would you feel offended? Probably not. Good luck.
Post # 6
Member
14 posts
Newbee
My concern is that my son will feel really left when if he finds out that he is the only one out of his cousins that was not invited. I think I should decline to go. I could schedule a family trip with the $$$ ($500) that I would have put in the card. Funny when you think of it, most of the 18 to 21 year old 1ST cousins going to this wedding have no money, SO I would imagine they may put $20 in a card as a gift. I don’t think their parents will throw in extra money in their cards either, since they are pretty cheap. I would have thrown in an extra $100 or so to compensate for by son if he had been invited. Oh well.
Post # 7
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
If I were in your position, I would call my relative and say that I’m wondering why my son wasn’t invited, and that I was worried he was going to feel left out. And it’s probably not the nicest thing in the world to do, but I doubt I would go if my son couldn’t go.
Post # 8
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
I agree with everyone else who said "find out why". I personally wouldn’t decline just because of that because it could just be an oversight, or they didn’t think he’d care since he’s a boy (not a legitimate reason of course, but could be valid).
Good luck! 😀
Post # 9
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
My guess is that the bride is trying to have an adults only reception, and decided to draw the line at anyone under 18. I don’t necessarily think this is right. I’m having an adults only reception, and my 16 year old and 14 year old cousins are included. After all, they are eating the full meal (not a kids meal).
The problem is, from the brides’ perspective, she probably had a lot of people to cut off the list to fit her budget, so she had to make cuts somewhere. I don’t agree that a first cousin should be cut, but perhaps she was thinking about the "no kids" rule, and felt like she could get away with it. Technically, she can invite whomever she wants, and not invite whomever she wants– its sort of hard to call someone up and say that they have to invite your son. The bride should have invited him herself, but if she does’t want to, you can’t force her.
If I were in your situation, if you are related to the brides mom or dad, I would call them up and just say "Hey, we received the invitation, but I don’t think we are going to be able to make it." See if you can sort of explain the situation without demanding that your son be invited. (If your hubby is the one who is related, I would let him make that call.)
Uggg… what a tough situation! I hope your little guy doesn’t get his feelings hurt!
Post # 10
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
I think either they should be having 21+ so it is truely an adult only wedding or they should be inviting your son, even if they are saying adults only, if that only cuts down on 1 person why not just invite that 1 person! I think thats crazy! he should be invited, and if it were me I probably would not attend either, because if it’s a cost issue and they can’t afford just 1 more person then they wont have to worry about payin for two people because I wouldn’t be there and if it was for another reason then I wouldnt want to go.
Post # 11
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
If it bothers your son (not you), I would call and ask. But at the same time, you should be prepared for a very simple answer of ‘there is an age cut-off’. Good luck!
Post # 12
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
I agree with everyone who says to talk to your niece. Even if it’s an "adults only" event, there’s a big difference (in my opinion) between inviting your 14 year old cousin and your co-worker’s 5 and 8 year old. He’s family, and he’s old enough to behave, if that’s the reasoning behind it.
Post # 13
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
You know, I was with you until your second post. That’s just rude. You’re withholding a gift that you would have given otherwise because she didn’t issue your kid an invite? And you’re saying that she should have invited your kid because you could give a nicer gift than the people she is inviting? Just don’t go. I think she’s better off that way.
Post # 14
Member
14 posts
Newbee
The case is that they booked a place that is over $100 per person. And to cut expenses, they trimmed their list. I’m sure they are viewing my 14 year old as a child. It just works out that he is the youngest 1st cousin.
I don’t think I want to call and try to change their minds. If I decline, maybe someone will call me and question why. In my eyes the 18 to 21 year old cousins are kids too. They live at home and have no money. I must admit, I’m hurt too over this.
Post # 15
Member
14 posts
Newbee
Johnsbride,
I don’t think I am being rude.Yes, I would have given at least enough money to cover what it cost per head, and then a bit more for the gift. I will still give a gift, but it will not be as much if I don’t go to the wedding. I’ll take what I would have given to cover the $100 per person and have a nice weekend. Why would I give a $500 gift when I’m not going to the wedding. I’ll give $200. I think that is fair. But I would love to hear what you think.
My point on the other first cousins is that they really are still kids themselfs. The Bride and groom will be paying out more then they will take in for these cousins.
Post # 16
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
I don’t think that you should consider what’s "going out" versus "coming in" when making your list AT ALL. I also don’t think you should vary your gift based on attendance or the guest list. I feel that doing either is rude.
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